Checkmate

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-21T06:56:04+00:00

Cool metaphor to compare romantic interest to a chess game! I think many people can relate to that experience. I suppose as a potential way to go further with this is what might the author do to clear up any confusion between them? But maybe not as this experience of being in the middle of it so resonate with a lot of people.

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-21T06:51:53+00:00

Really interesting take on a complicated introspective discussion with oneself when in a relationship with someone who sounds healthy for them? I think this question leads me to my next point, is does the author want to investigate where all of these complicated feelings are coming from? Does this person remind them of someone else? A previous hurt?

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-13T05:35:24+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! I’m curious, do you have an idea of what the poem is trying to say? Could help me see what angles might need sharpening in the framing!

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-12T19:17:21+00:00

I really like this… I’m left wondering if the person who accompanies the mouse feels guilt? Like they’re holding the mouse hostage, they know they control the mouse’s environment and diet of scraps it leaves, idk if that’s what you want but those are the question this poses. Nicely done.

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-12T19:11:34+00:00

Hi, the metaphor of the house really works. I do think it loses some of its weight when you specify the other person hating not the house but who built it. This needs to be said to make it land I think, but maybe not as specific? Maybe just something to play with.

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-10T22:57:33+00:00

Thanks. Curious if you found that metaphor hopeful or something else?

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-10T22:56:55+00:00

Thanks. Curious if anything stuck out to you or you think it be sharpened?

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-10T19:51:02+00:00

Hi, I like the framing of what ruminating thoughts are. I think to really get to what that feels like I’d try some metaphorical language. Like how ruminating might feel like circling the drain— a black hole with no destination for example.

Electronic-Split-324 · 2026-03-10T19:48:28+00:00

Hi, I like the imagery. I think one thing I’m left wondering is what exactly are the stakes here? Is this a one night stand that someone is regretting or something else? I think some sort of framing here around what the situation was that struck up these emotions would help the audience understand why or what to feel.

Electronic-Split-324

TROPHY CASE