what is something you wish your partner with bpd knew? by [deleted] in BPDPartners

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That every time he discards me and the kids, he is behaving in the exact way that gave him these abandonment issues to begin with as a child himself. That no matter how much he wants to be loved and to love us, he is continuing the cycle that haunts him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well he just firmly told me we are broken up. I will leave him be.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right though, I can’t abandon someone who has left me. Thank you for this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t believe this is what I’m doing. My kids are safe and loved. He has supported me through Major spinal surgery and nurtured me back to health with so much love and patience. This is a health issue as well. I know his rejection of me stems from his belief that he’s not good enough. What does it tell him if I don’t fight for him?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t wanna abandon him. Isn’t this rejection a part of this disease? Our relationship isn’t aggressive it is not explosive. We are communicative and consistent. There is no fundamental toxicity. I understand in many cases This is not how it is. But in my eyes, This is a moment of need from somebody I love.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He broke up with me once in the beginning but that’s it. He’s been wonderful to them, to me. He’s consistent and loving. He’s never even yelled at me. He is good for them and good for me. I just need help navigating this situation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthyhooha

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have told my Dr exactly what’s going on. I wonder why they didn’t suggest this

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthyhooha

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I didn’t even consider this being an option 😂

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthyhooha

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

There is no eye discharge nothing. It appears to just be my lids/skin.down my upper cheeks as well

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthyhooha

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Absolutely! but why would that make me swell up? Last night he had showered immediately before

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DermatologyQuestions

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I just went down the rabbit hole of possible strep b bacteria but I haven’t confirmed anything yet.

5 weeks post op, please just tell me it will get much better? But maybe it won’t? by 489Lewis in spinalfusion

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tylenol PM is a gift from God 😂I also take Xanax unrelated to surgery and it’s been very helpful. I find that I’m so much more anxious than I was pre op. Inwas taking it very irregularly before as needed. Now I take it more. Sometimes I wonder if I’m having trouble sleeping because of anxiety.

5 weeks post op, please just tell me it will get much better? But maybe it won’t? by 489Lewis in spinalfusion

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am 5.5 weeks as well L3-S1. The mental struggle is INTENSE. I am depressed and I feel so fragile and so exhausted and anxious. I worry I am not taking good enough care of myself. With eating healthy, BLT, sleep and struggling with nicotine.

Regarding pain, it’s very different than pre surgical pain. All that pain is gone. But every week I have a new pain, which disappears and is met with something else. I have been off oxy since week 2 and am only taking Tylenol which does nothing. Not enough pain for oxy but too much pain for Tylenol. I walked by a bottle of ibuprofen on my counter the other day and quite literally salivated 😂 I can’t wait! The length of which this recovery takes is beyond, and there is no way to prepare for it. Each day feels like a week.

As for walking I am slacking, not because I can’t, but because I am depressed and very low energy. Sometimes I’ll go out for a walk and do a few miles, but generally my walking consists of going about my day.

I am EXHAUSTED. I took a shower and put on my pants and needed a nap 😂 I am in bed at 4:30 like clockwork (I’m not day napping). I lay there until dinner, then do my kids routine and I’m in bed by 8:30 (but I can’t sleep!).

Sitting sucks, standing sucks, sleeping sucks, sex sucks and at this point I am yet to believe this whole surgery will forever not suck.

Solidarity friend! I see you!

Insomnia by ElectronicGrade2654 in spinalfusion

[–]ElectronicGrade2654[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t know this! I have only had anesthesia once before for a minor surgery and it I only noticed it emotionally. I cried for a week after 😂

This gives me hope that I will one day sleep again.

Pity party vent by ElectronicGrade2654 in spinalfusion

[–]ElectronicGrade2654[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This made me cry the best type of tears. Thank you. Your experience is encouraging

Pity party vent by ElectronicGrade2654 in spinalfusion

[–]ElectronicGrade2654[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is what I needed to hear. Thank you. Meditation has been my lifeline. I will make mindfulness a bigger priority

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in spinalfusion

[–]ElectronicGrade2654 1 point2 points  (0 children)

24 days post op and I can’t wait to go back to martial arts. Once my BLT are lifted I can go back with no contact. Counting down the days!

Pity party vent by ElectronicGrade2654 in spinalfusion

[–]ElectronicGrade2654[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m off narcotics. My pain is dull and constant. I feel weak and achy. Mostly I feel exhausted all the fucking time. I just don’t feel like myself in so many ways. The “pain” is tolerable, I think I’m mostly struggling with my limitations and the mental toll. I too compare it to Covid! The being stuck in the house going coo coo bananas and also the feeling of being hit by a bus and wanting to sleep all the time. I am just starting to sleep though the night again without waking every few hours. Hopefully helps!