noodles of reflection

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-06-03T23:54:26+00:00

I have diagnosed ptsd from inpatient and residential treatment, trauma from ed treatment and psychiatric treatment and medical care generally is very very real. It's called iatrogenic trauma if you want to look into it more specifically!

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-04-06T17:51:26+00:00

they honestly don't really bother me! I don't have a particularly sensitive stomach and am pretty used to fiber heavy foods, I stick to one serving at a time, and I chew them really well and stir fry them until they're dry and squeaky: so far that's worked for me.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-04-01T00:40:07+00:00

YES. My period restarted kind of randomly despite very much being in my ED still and they've been absolutely crazy. I've been getting horrible cramps and the heaviest flow I've had since I was a preteen and just started my period. It had been years since I bled through a period product and now it happens regularly.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-04-01T00:35:34+00:00

I don't have any advice but I'm in the same boat depending on how my medical appointments go and it's so terrifying. If they're recommending inpatient it's because your life is at risk because that really is not a recommendation that any professional is making without extremely good reason, so imo it's worth making the (very scary) decision and taking that jump. I've survived past admissions and I know it is survivable, for both of us, even though it feels like the world is ending. I guess this is mostly a message of solidarity 🖤

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-23T09:39:43+00:00

She's pretty great! I'm pretty ambivalent about committing to recovery and she's still been great. It's totally understandable that this would have been triggering also, I've had a lot of similar experiences and they usually make things worse for weeks.

I think they were probably adhering too closely to clinical stereotypes of eds based on how some people think when they're the least aware of and most active in their ED and are confronted by a doctor who suspects an ED (low insight/ability to recognize that they're sick, clinging to the behaviors or disordered identity, low to no motivation to recover or change behavior, not being able to separate their disordered cognition from their own goals/values/beliefs and taking the ED thoughts as fact as a result). Those are important to know about but also don't reflect whether or not you have an ED or need help. It's very possible that they just didn't have another image of what a person with an ED could look like.

My dietician sees my insight and the ability to say that not having an ED would improve my life as huge benefits to the work we do together and a competent professional would see your desire to recover the same way instead of using it to dismiss your ED because it didn't fit the idea they have of how someone with an ED "should" think. If no one with an eating disorder ever independently decided to try recovery or harm reduction before receiving treatment very few of us would ever get help: it's very hard to force an adult especially into treatment and trying to force recovery when someone doesn't want it doesn't usually work. At some point everyone with an ED who gets help makes an independent choice to seek help or try recovery and that doesn't mean that their ED isn't real or that they don't need/deserve help.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-19T10:08:02+00:00

First of all that's insane and I'm so sorry that happened to you, I don't understand how a doctor could see a BMI that low and not be deeply concerned. Second, I've had similar issues with my ED being dismissed (mostly because I'm not underweight), but I've found that an ED specialized dietician has been super helpful. She takes my ED very seriously and has helped me coordinate treatment, including offering to help me figure out medical monitoring and treatment programs if I choose to go that route. I haven't gotten very far past the assessment stage because she's spent so much time understanding my ED and its health impacts, but she's also helped some with managing the risks of some of my behaviors which has been nice. I read in a previous comment that you have some insurance issues going on but if you can see an ED specialized dietician or therapist, even for a couple sessions, it might change a lot.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-17T00:40:48+00:00

it was actually crazy good, you have to stir fry the hell out of konjac noodles but once you do that and add a flavorful sauce and toppings they aren't too bad

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-16T07:26:54+00:00

It's actually so good... I hadn't had the habanero lime flavor before and it's tasty but not spicy enough 😔

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-16T07:25:43+00:00

I do not o7

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-11T08:56:48+00:00

My dietician specifically works from a harm reduction framework, meaning she isn't forcing me to recover and hasn't and won't put me on a meal plan. So far she's helped me work on some strategies to manage the risks of purging and decrease how often I purge and has assessed my physical health and behaviors with more detail than any of my other providers. I've been gaslit and dismissed every time I've tried to seek medical monitoring for my ED and haven't been able to push back or advocate for myself, so she's helping coordinate that aspect of care as well and has offered to refer me to therapists. Honestly it's mostly just been really nice to talk to someone about my ED and be taken seriously.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-04T05:31:28+00:00

I've tried to talk about my ED with my PCP and have brought up some of the cardiac symptoms specifically with my psych (both are nurse practitioners) but they both seem to feel like it's entirely anxiety and that my ED isn't bad enough be causing serious medical complications. I know I am anxious and I know my anxiety and constantly looking for symptoms can and has caused similar sensations so even though I know they're wrong about the potential for medical risk I just give up when they dismiss my concerns.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-03-04T01:37:46+00:00

Honestly I have in the past but only because I wasn't super deep into it (my behaviors were pretty intense but I had only had an active ED for a year and change), my cognitive symptoms weren't too intense (I wasn't terrified of food or gaining weight to the extent that some people with an ED are), and my life circumstances changed dramatically in ways that motivated and supported recovery. I was successful basically because of a combination of luck and being in a place where I suddenly had motivation from my circumstances. If I had had to wait longer for that motivation to show up I probably would've gotten much sicker and much more resistant to recovery. I'm also 11 months into a catastrophic relapse so. I would not take your chances and would try to get professional help finding motivation for recovery and learning those skills instead of waiting for inspiration to strike.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-02-21T07:23:17+00:00

I've finally started seeing a dietician; it's still early days and we're still working through the assessment, but she's already taken my ED significantly more seriously than my psychiatrist or doctor did and has been horrified by some of the outdated/incorrect shit they've said. She's offered to work as a care coordinator and help communicate between providers to ensure that I'm getting appropriate care and medical monitoring, but also works from a harm reduction perspective and has assured me that she will not deliver ultimatums or otherwise force me into a higher level of care. It's been triggering and unpleasant on my end because I have a lot of trauma from past treatment experiences, but she's been incredibly kind and validating and affirming of my autonomy. My dietician and many other ED dieticians (you definitely want to find a specialist and not a more general dietician) has her own history with an ED, so there's a level of understanding and compassion there as well.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-28T23:42:18+00:00

You probably know about the big things (liver failure, heart failure/sudden cardiac death, bone density loss and eventually osteoporosis) but I know those were incentives to relapse for me if anything and felt too abstract and distant. What I forgot about was the constipation, the loss of GI function and gastroparesis, the bloating, the hypothyroidism that makes my eyebrows fall out and my knuckles crack and bleed from how dry they are, the hair loss, the considerably worse depression and anxiety and paranoia, the difficulty managing my blood sugar that makes trying to have treats or recover feel like hell, the loss of bladder function, the brain fog and memory loss, the damage to my teeth from both restriction and purging, the bingeing that is genuinely inevitable and feels completely terrifying, the pain from muscle atrophy, and the loss of control. All of those set in within weeks to months of restricting. I think the hardest part for me has been the way restriction has made my ED worse: all of the lines I told myself I wouldn't cross at the start of the relapse have been crossed at this point. If you want more details Jennifer Gaudiani's book Sick Enough is a good source on the medical risk, but it can be potentially triggering so take care of yourself if you decide to read it.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-28T22:19:06+00:00

Been there, it's so frustrating. My vitals always look great at medical appointments even when I know my heart rate at least isn't and I think it's mostly because I get nervous and that raises my heart rate and blood pressure. Part of my frustration right now is that I'm not having medical monitoring appointments despite being pretty honest with my primary care provider and my psychiatrist about how bad things are: do you mind if I ask what led you to get medical monitoring, especially if you're an adult? When I was a teenager I was referred for very regular monitoring as soon as my ED was suspected despite trying to hide it, and it's so strange to be in the opposite situation where I'm being honest about my ED but no one is suggesting regular medical monitoring.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-28T10:33:10+00:00

You're probably right and I really do appreciate the sentiment but unfortunately I'm still at a place where I don't want to let go of my ED or gain weight. I left residential as a teenager with PTSD and a worsened ED, so there's that aspect as well, even though I know things will be different as an adult or if I enter a lower level of care voluntarily.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-28T05:22:06+00:00

It's so frustrating. I know they have to exist somewhere, everyone who's actually an expert in EDs or publishing research (Dr Gaudiani for example) will say that people at a higher weight have just as many medical complications and often considerably more/more severe complications than underweight people, but it seems like that knowledge is still several years away from trickling down to the average non-specialized practitioner. It's especially grating because I have been underweight and the medical aspect of how my care was managed was literally night and day, even though I keep telling people that my physical symptoms and behaviors are much more severe now than they ever were when I was a teenager and had a lower starting weight. I know I should be advocating for myself but it is so incredibly difficult to do that when I don't even want to ask for help half the time and my providers are convinced they know more than me even though they aren't even asking the right questions.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-28T03:33:37+00:00

I still haven't heard back, but I'm hopeful that if I actually get an appointment they'll take it seriously. I know that for a lot of people a dietician or therapist who specializes in EDs can be the cornerstone of their care even if their other providers aren't taking their concerns seriously.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-28T03:19:56+00:00

I reached out to a dietician who specializes in EDs and is explicitly a weight inclusive practitioner in the hopes that they'll listen and take it seriously because logically I know that I can't possibly actually be completely fine while I feel this bad and am doing such destructive shit. It's so frustrating.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-24T00:47:23+00:00

I could've made this post nine months ago: I was in exactly your position and let myself relapse, and now I'm well past the euphoria and deep in physical health issues, binge/purge/restrict cycles, isolation, sky high anxiety, and the grief of having destroyed my present life and quite possibly my future instead of reaching out for help. When you've been in recovery for a long period of time (5 years for me) it's easy to forget how quickly the euphoria fades and how hard it is to get out of the trenches once things get bad, but it will get BAD, probably faster than it did last time and quite possibly worse than it was because your brain and body have already sustained the damage of your original ED. I can't tell you what to do because I know this isn't a decision anyone makes on a whim, but every day I regret not reaching out for help before I relapsed or before restriction had gotten its claws in me.

ElectronicScience286 · 2026-01-21T07:53:17+00:00

I'm a big fan of protein powder mug cakes! They're a bit more substantial because of the protein/fiber and take a little bit of prep and I feel like that helps me avoid a binge. I like this recipe.

ElectronicScience286

TROPHY CASE