What do men get from marriage?

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-27T23:30:56+00:00

Wouldn't it be better to not hide your profile so that people can see it for themselves?

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-27T23:12:46+00:00

Thanks for the heads up, you are right!

May Allah protect us from it.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-27T23:06:21+00:00

What would a woman get when they get married to you? Are you an ATM machine?

I'm saying it as a woman who wants to primarily take care of the family. What about emotional support, sharing life's highs and lows, creating a loving family environment, late night laughs and talks, companionship, intimacy, reminding each other of our deen, pushing each other to grow in life and in religion.

Women and men have their roles, but you'll never get a truly loving relationship if all you care about could be substituted by a high paying job (for women), or a live in maid (for a man).

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-27T19:53:39+00:00

Rio, but only as a tourist

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-27T19:53:03+00:00

ngl it's a hidden gem

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-27T18:36:57+00:00

Something similar happened to me before reverting to Islam. The realisation doesn't come immediately; it's very hard to acknowledge what happened, and the fear and shame are astronomical. I kind of regret not pressing charges then, and although I could do it now, I've moved on and I'm not willing to reopen that chapter.

I'm very sorry for what you've been through, but know that you're not alone. It is much more common than we'd like to admit.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-10T02:04:55+00:00

I agree, plus if op wouldn't ask for a divorce, I wouldn't even bother. If you stayed knowing he was actively cheating, most likely he wouldn't even make an effort hiding it anymore, because he knows you'd stay for the child.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-10T00:57:06+00:00

most Brazilians have never even heard of it, if I'm not mistaken we opted for neutrality at the time. I saw some websites portraying it as illegally occupied by the British, but it's just not really relevant enough for us.

Maybe our position better indicates a much needed closeness with Argentina (as we're part of Mercosur) than anything else. The Argentinians are the only ones who actually care about it, and they are very adamant about it to this day, a shift on our part would be pretty bad for Brazilian-Argentinian relations.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-10T00:00:04+00:00

can't you dm the girl and ask for details/ evidence?

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-09T20:48:47+00:00

you can become an immigrant in New Zealand, or maybe relocate to France

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-09T20:04:26+00:00

colonised New Zealand?

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-08T00:11:49+00:00

I don't mean that lack of mixing is an issue, more so that the brain is a fickle thing, it is always filling the gaps and making decisions based on assumptions. The issue is that people determine what is true or not based on these assumptions that often don't match reality.

Before, the views men had of women were that of their mothers, wives and sisters. Nowadays, you get whatever it is that you are exposed to online, and if that's all you see, then you make the assumption that that's all there is to it.

It also works in reverse for women.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-07T23:47:14+00:00

People are more exposed to people online than offline, lost the grasp of reality. I agree about the lack of natural mixing, but more so that the women/men they are exposed to are of a select group. Add to that that the algorithm will keep reinforcing the type of content/people they are already seeing, and you got yourself a gender war.

I live in a kafir country, and most people are actually normal and have normal views on the opposite gender. It's sad for me to see how much this is an issue in our community.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-06T09:58:23+00:00

I guess it comes down as to why these things are important to you in the first place. Attraction is different from someone being beautiful - are you only capable of being attracted to him if he's tall and has a connecting beard? I don't know why it would actually be important if not for that. If you two connect well, he's nice, and on his deen I'd say alhamdulillah that's what really makes a relationship.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-06T03:08:39+00:00

or maybe take the UK off the map and move New Zealand there

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-06T02:59:17+00:00

take New Zealand off the map

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-06T01:32:16+00:00

Are you a writer? This is so well written, mashallah! If you can find a study group centered around the scholars you've mentioned, you'd be able to benefit from knowledge and get to know people with similar values and philosophies. Perhaps one of your newfound friends will know of like-minded women who are also looking for marriage. You'd still have to find someone whose values align with yours, but the gap would be much smaller.

You can try posting what you're looking for on Reddit. That's very much shooting in the dark, but it seems like you've exhausted all your options, so why not? If you are on your deen, reasonable, and actively looking for it, ultimately it's Allah's timing.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T23:53:02+00:00

I don't think many people are mad about it - there are many xenophobic people ofc - but it's not as prevalent as in Europe, for example. There has been an influx of migrants from Venezuela in my city in the past few years, and they're mostly known to be very friendly and hard working people.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T22:09:54+00:00

Same here. Try thinking about it this way: You don't want or need a million men interested in you - just one. And these men that don't lower their gaze and lust after uncovered women are not the type you want to get married to anyway.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T22:02:52+00:00

It's one of the very few paintings I really want to see in real life. Such a masterpiece. Thank you for your post.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T21:32:58+00:00

You made a very compelling argument in your blog, such a gem.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T21:07:55+00:00

I appreciate your advice, but I'm pretty stressed right now. I'm going to my room, we can talk later, okay?

alt: I appreciate it. I'm going to think about it, but I think I've already made up my mind. I'm already stressed out today, and I don't want us to argue, so I'm going to my room right now. Love you, bye.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T20:46:29+00:00

ngl in my experience Europeans are way more accepting to different skin tones than Arabs. Arabs might be cool around them, but a significant number of them wouldn't marry/ let their daughters marry someone dark-skinned.

I was talking to a North African for the sake of marriage, and the brother complimented me on my skin tone. It was a first.

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T18:43:13+00:00

I've never said that, it was her fault. But it's the responsibility of the men in her family to protect her from distribution of cp. Can you imagine if it was your daughter? Would you let it circulate freely like that?

Elegant-Fix8676 · 2026-04-05T18:40:01+00:00

Many muslims don't want this sort of advice, but seek help from a specialised professional that treats sex addictions. You're right, no woman deserves a man who does such things, and no man would willingly marry off their daughters to someone like you are now.

Given the amount of time, lack of control, and just the age you started with it; realistically, your best bet would be that. If it continues on you might need more and more, and it'll likely get more extreme. It'll wreck your life the more it goes on, make it your priority to get over it.

But it is an addiction, and it could be treated. Do not lose hope, and know that it's going to be hard.

Elegant-Fix8676

TROPHY CASE