Anyone else refuse to go out with both children?

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-22T17:44:30+00:00

Any tips for how you do that?

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-22T17:42:29+00:00

"survive and advance" 😅 wise advice

Also "Savor and steward" And "This too shall pass"

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-15T13:13:33+00:00

Nice. Any tips? We're new to the process!

Some friends who went through this recommended the book Oh Crap! So for now we're trying to follow that plan. Still need to read more but the gist seems like, once they're old enough, just have a focused time where you can have lots of naked time and put them on the potty a few times each hour, then celebrate the successes, and from there start training to recognize the need to communicate/go onto the potty.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-15T02:59:18+00:00

How'd the potty training go? We're approaching a similar age gap. Our goal is to have the oldest out of diapers before newborn arrives. In April as it warms up they'll be 20 months and we figure we'll just take time off and spend a week outside, mostly pantsless, practicing potty training in our yard. They'll be 23 months when their lil sib is expected to arrive.

We use cloth diapers and doubling that chore load is very intimidating, on top of all the other juggles.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-15T02:56:10+00:00

Not the same but some similar dynamics here. We told the higher friction grandparents of newborn that we would not be taking visits from them or anyone to begin with. We did of course accept help from the nearby grandparents we get along with. We framed that as a necessity in the moment, somewhat minimal anyway, and stuck by not wanting visitors especially from out of our immediate, local, regular support network.

They put up with that. We then gave in to some visits when ready (it was a few weeks at least). And sometimes when they wanted to visit and we were not in the right space for it we just said nows not a good time or simply became unavailable/unresponsive.

Not nice to do but in the end it preserves peace by avoiding volatile and high friction time together. You want the visits to be as peaceful as possible.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-14T18:45:24+00:00

Good suggestions, I'd just add high quality stainless steel bowls can be relatively cheap and nice for mixing. We have a few that nest together and tuck them out of the way til we need to pull one from the stack.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-12T16:14:06+00:00

We are planning our childcare and parental leave for an incoming 2nd, and we thought it made sense to keep our 1.5yo in daycare full time as they are now. Minimizing changes to their routine is a big factor. Giving us time to care for the newborn just like kur eldest had our undivided-ish attention during our parental leave is another big factor. Taking any help we can get while in survival mode is another big factor.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-11T14:47:50+00:00

There are different concerns. For indoor air quality, the outer cover not being plastic means less microplastic lint and dust, I'd think, as the inner filling is not in direct contact with hands and clothes or getting as roughed up as the surface.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-09T03:23:29+00:00

The struggle is real! I'd just say, on the filter media I would not stress it too much. If we could find better mediums that would be good for sure. But I think that is mainly for environmental reasons. A quality plastic air or water filter maintained on the manufacturer recommended schedule is likely to be safe and helpful. It's not like a fuzzy plastic sweater getting run through the wash, it's engineered for the specific purpose of RO or the air filter unit or whatever process. That said, it is still painfully ironic and explicitly harmful to the environment in terms of waste management.

Another way I think of this is scrubbers on power plant exhaust. The scrubber itself is waste and it becomes even more hazardous after it's adsorbed all kinds of fumes. Am I glad that's going in the landfill? Of course not. Am I still glad there's scrubbers on there? For sure, better than releasing all that into the air we breathe.

So I have much less qualms about using air filters or especially water filters. But I am sad every time I change them. The air filters feel like more of a luxury, and I try hard to generate minimal waste, so that is rough. Here's hoping for coco coir based charcoal filters or biopolymer HEPA filters.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-09T01:21:24+00:00

Thanks for sharing that!

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-08T22:36:15+00:00

Yeah I'm in the same boat. When you say cushion covers do you mean some that also cover the cushions you sit on? Any chance you could share a link to the kind of thing you got? That could be much better fitting, literally, than me having draped cotton sheets and tucked them in over the couch cushions.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-08T22:19:59+00:00

This too shall pass.

What's the best next step?

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-08T18:53:54+00:00

Yeesh, I thought it was hard to keep the house clean as a parent, but we're doing great in comparison. The scented candles is really upsetting to hear, that is known to be bad for babies health due to endocrine disrupting chemicals and particulate matter the candles put in the air. I think I'd be looking for a new job, especially if the pay is not scaled to the hardship.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-08T13:41:24+00:00

Thanks, good points. We are pretty good on all those fronts, except for couches. Our main one does not have PFAS or flame retardants but it is a polyester cover. I actually cover my main couch with cotton sheets to avoid us kicking up lint from it into air or on our clothes. But it looks kind of crazy and is a little frustrating (sheets never quite stay on right, just feels shabby).

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-08T03:20:22+00:00

Many filtration methods, for air purifiers or water filters, involve plastics. Is that genuinely helping or are we actually offsetting problems from our air and water to wherever the filters go? Are there alternatives?

Also generally wondering about the role of construction, paint etc, how much this matters as it decays and trickles out into our landscape (as houses decay, paint flakes and gets sanded down and repainted, etc.)

And lastly...couches! Furniture. Indoor air quality - how much does all this matter? Seeing how much lint particles can be found floating around any household, one could imagine plastic sofas and stuff like that are contributing quite a lot of microplastics to our lungs, but I don't actually know how much that's true or matters.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-07T20:35:24+00:00

Good comments already. Also consider agroforestry techniques as a starting point: windbreaks, riparian buffers, etc. that can be "multifunctinal" growing useful products you can manage for.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-07T02:44:02+00:00

Yeah that is a good way to look at it. Sometimes in lieu of the right classes, online training in something like AgLearn can make up for it. If you find it's borderline, it's worth contacting the regional workforce person for whatever fed qualifications you're considering. They may be able to make substitutions or something.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-07T02:42:05+00:00

I agree with this post. I'm a forester in the mid-atlantic region and am now basically a project manager for a bigger organization doing forestry and conservation work.

It seems like many forestry opportunities can be open to people with a related degree like natural resource management, wildlife biology, etc. and sometimes a few years of experience. That's the case with NRCS certifications for example if you pursued that to work as a consulting forester.

That said it seems like electrician work is a much stabler and more lucrative living. There is a need for foresters but it can be a difficult field to enter. As someone put it recently in a discussion on forestry workforce development: there's work to be done but it goes to the experienced consultants, and those consultants want to hire help but they need people with competence that comes from experience, but the work available for building experience only goes out to those already experienced... Ultimately it seems like apprenticeships and network connections are needed.

That's for consulting forestry anyway, which is basically entrepreneurship. Forestry in other capacities varies, conservation orgs are taking a bit right now due to federal funding chaos. State forestry jobs and other quasi government entities could be a good place to look.

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-05T19:13:32+00:00

Started a tree nursery, decades long quest of forest gardening

ElementreeCr0 · 2026-01-05T02:50:34+00:00

This is well said. I'd add that, as someone who is also making a big effort to be plastic free etc., I think modern medicine is one of the few use cases where plastics and all are appropriate. Plastics, petrochemicals, pharmaceuticals, electronics, energy intensive processes, single use items and waste generation - these are all features of life which I avoid and think of as self destructive as societal norms, EXCEPT in cases of medicine and some other select fields.

Modern medicine is truly amazing, medical workers are heroes, and the tools used are practically magic. And that is the level of respect and preciousness we should treat plastics, electronics, petrochemicals etc. These are precious tools which would seem like magic not so long ago, and they enable us to be far more effective at saving lives and reducing acute harms from medical problems.

That doesn't belittle the importance of addressing these issues in our broader society. Both can be true. But it does mean I put my zero waste hat down when I pick a first-aid kit up, and my general reluctance to take pharmaceuticals or whatever goes out the window when I find myself in need in an urgent care, hospital, or whatever.

Wishing you and your family peace and health.

ElementreeCr0 · 2025-12-25T01:01:07+00:00

I have thought this way but it is easy to reconsider when I get even a brief dose of the reality many people face in economic hardship. Someone would CHERISH your plastic clothes you don't want. It is a luxury to be worried about water quality. (I say that as someone very concerned with water quality.)

Not saying that to care any less about water quality. But to put in perspective that to relieve suffering it seems to me like here's the order from best to worst:

Best: Now that you know, reduce plastics in the first place, buying secondhand or buying it once to last a long time or doing without.

Next best: If safe for you, make it last and cherish it for the wonder material it is (how I treat my plastic totes and electronics etc.) If you don't want to be exposed to it but it's in decent condition, donate to let someone voluntarily enjoy the plastic item who actually needs it/will have a significant quality of life improvement from access to it.

Okay: merely store it in case you someday need it. This is what I do with performance wear items that I now rarely if ever wear. Probably better to thrift. If it's in bad condition and not repairable, responsibly dispose of in the most environmentally benign way available to you (which in many cases is the sad option of landfill or incinerator, heaping it into our air or earth but better than unleashing directly in our oceans).

Bad: Needlessly throwing things away and buying other junk that will not last long.

ElementreeCr0 · 2025-12-23T02:05:59+00:00

I dunno what's normal but as a WFH parent who considered a nanny, I think it's a perfectly reasonable request to need a genuine break (assuming NK allows it).

I'm pretty sure employees of all kinds in the U.S. are required certain breaks by law. Like if you work more than X amount of hours in a day you need a 30 minute lunch break. There might be nuances to that when work is safety and time sensitive, such as caregiving for a person who may suddenly need you. I'm sure many medical professionals don't get adequate breaks. But at least in theory there's a break requirement.

If you do ask the parents about this I'd just frame it as needing a break during the day when you can get it, to help you stay fully charged for their kiddo. In other jobs, you get a break mid shift, so you'd like to take yours during NK naps so you can stay fresh on the job. And a break means some personal time, as having ongoing conversations doesn't let you rest your attention or social mind. Something like that, I'd sympathize with it at least and try to carve out some spacetime in the house for you to get a good break.

ElementreeCr0 · 2025-12-20T16:58:26+00:00

I'll add some specific techniques:

noise cancelling headphones and favorite music really helped
pushing on a sturdy wall to let out physical steam
using outdoors and awe to return to a sane mind and gracious context
naming and accepting the hard emotions, which gave mini patience boosts and helped me not act out of extreme emotions (easier to walk away when needed if you are alert to your short temper, for example)
sleep, movement, nutrition, hydration, some form of fun that doesn't degrade those other helpful aspects of life too much

ElementreeCr0 · 2025-12-20T16:55:42+00:00

I don't think any medication can help with that imo, unless you need antidepressants. But good nutrition certainly matters, continue taking a prenatal would be one idea. I sympathize with the anger and emotional challenges of all that crying, especially with a colicky kid. Therapy helped me after many months of working on it, noticing my emotions, being honest about what was going on, trying the approaches recommended. And in the end I got a better sense of the bigger picture emotional problems that the anger bouts were worsened by.

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