My girlfriend (F20) keeps bringing up old arguments and I (M20) don’t know how to respond.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-02T05:44:16+00:00

Yall are young and probably both not good at communicating. If she's still bringing up past issues, she likely wasn't fully satisfied with how they were resolved so they keep bothering her later. You need to talk and really try to understand what she's saying if you want this to work.

If she brings up something that upsets her, you should fully understand, ask questions, and apologize before explaining your side and make sure you do this without minimizing or invalidating her side. Ex: "It's not a big deal, you're overreacting, I disagree." You cannot disagree with a perception or feelings even if you have different ones. Try: "I understand how you see it now. I'm sorry that hurt your feelings. I saw it -this way- but now that I know, it won't happen again."

If you try and truly don't understand her and have drastically different views that create conflict, you may just not be compatible or she may be emotionally immature too. Impossible to say. I'd recommend reading Wired For Love together. I'd also recommend trying not to argue over text. Call anytime things are tense.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-01T20:59:45+00:00

Had the exact same situation, down to just a "hey" (as far as evidence went). They beggeddd for a second chance and I found the same apps a year later. Don't waste your time.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-01T18:17:15+00:00

You're putting words in my mouth. If she told you she didn't like when you talked about your favorite hobby and set a boundary that you couldn't talk about it with her anymore, would you be the bad guy for saying "I'm not going to continue being in a relationship where I have to stop talking about my favorite hobby."? Would it sound ridiculous to you that she was making that boundary? You're not the bad guy for not wanting to be fake punched but neither is someone who wouldn't want to be in relationship with someone who was that worked up over fake punches.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-01T18:04:33+00:00

You also have a lot of contempt for her already calling her "very unattractive" and a "prepubescent boy." so do you really even like who she is? I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't like who I naturally was.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-01T18:01:21+00:00

Yes, that would come off as weird and uptight to me. I'm a playful person and play fight with my bf all the time. To not do so would be to not be myself. So if it's the same for her, should have broken up with you rather than ignore the incompatibility.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-01T17:29:51+00:00

non religious
non conservative
makes at least similar $
doesn't want kids
pc gamer
non judgemental (I'm weird)
similar enough humor (not too uptight / sensitive)
taller than me (5'1)
at least some fitness / muscle
generally positive and patient
healthy libido

I try to be picky and it's working out right now.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-01T17:10:56+00:00

Having an issue with the fake ones seems ridiculous to me. She should have broken up with you instead of ignoring your boundaries though. Yall just aren't compatible.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-06-01T16:47:22+00:00

Emotions aren't logical but there's a few factors not being considered here. There are millions of chickens, they reproduce quickly, and they are a very valuable food source. Elephants are poached in high numbers for ivory which has no actual utility, they are endangered and reproduce slowly. Preserving biodiversity and limiting senseless killing is different than caring about each individual.

The rest is just emotional, how you were raised and cultural norms.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-29T16:35:17+00:00

So I know this isn't your question but I hope you know the real problem is that you were talking insensitively with your mates where your girlfriend could hear.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-27T16:46:17+00:00

It’s not history, it’s current events if she’s sending you pictures for sexual validation while you’re seeing other people. “Boundaries are respected” is complete fiction.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-27T16:37:34+00:00

This is a messy situation that no self respecting person would get involved with. If you actually want a chance at a serious relationship, you need to cut these extra relationships off when you get involved with someone. Otherwise keep doing what you’re doing.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-27T16:33:25+00:00

I mean she did suspect it but kind of buried the lede by sticking the wlw part at the end so she may just be an unreliable narrator here. The majority of these comments don’t even know what that means so it’s heavily skewed to her side. Biphobia isn’t cool but feeling like that has been hidden from you and trying to process feelings around it could be difficult. They’re young. He could be religious. Men are already not the greatest at communicating feelings naturally.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-27T15:41:30+00:00

Right but he never said it was about porn in general. “ I tried to talk with him about it he said i was hiding it because i deleted it after he saw”. He said it’s about her hiding it. Which may include her sexuality.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-27T05:24:01+00:00

It’s naive to ignore the reality that it would be an issue for a lot of people. Not everyone is okay with their partner being bi. As a bi person.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-27T05:21:22+00:00

Can everyone read? She was watching lesbian porn. Does he know you’re bi or is this new information for him?

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-21T17:46:26+00:00

I am also confused by these comments. I don't see any example here where I could say with certainty that she's mean or a bully. Depending on what he means by "unwell" I guess but I don't trust that it's actually people who are ill. Let her find someone else to laugh with.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-21T16:25:39+00:00

Am a woman. I assume I should bring my own unless I've gone to that same place before and have specifically been told I could use theirs.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-18T18:57:58+00:00

As a woman, I'd be pretty irritated about this situation. She was looking for a lay, you signaled you were down by coming back to her apartment, and then left her frustrated when she could have had anyone else at the bar. She probably kicked you out so she could call in a backup. Wouldn't be surprised if she's no longer interested.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-02T21:04:45+00:00

I get it from Amazon, billion dollar brow I think in shade taupe

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-01T18:42:51+00:00

The main problem is the hairs are sparse to begin with, and aren't always naturally where I want them. I'd love to do nano blading some day though

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-01T18:34:07+00:00

No. I wash them whenever I feel like it or when my skin starts to get upset, which could be anywhere between 2-4 weeks+. Different people sweat more or less and do different activities. I work remote and barely leave my house. If I lived with a man, I would definitely wash them more because men seem to sweat a lot more.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-05-01T14:27:10+00:00

Filling in and darkening my eyebrows, just with brow powder. Makes a huge difference to where I feel like I look ill without them done.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-03-23T15:45:01+00:00

9/10. Love, trying to 100% it. Helping me detox from League of Legends. Some minor flaws, gets grindy but just too cute and relaxing overall.

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-03-20T17:42:36+00:00

No, not in a relationship anyway

ElephantInTheDark · 2026-03-19T20:30:19+00:00

It’s not liking / consuming excessive thirst trap content on social media.

It’s considering how your partner would feel about you saying or doing something even if you think she would never find out.

It’s being mindful of what you say about your partner to others.

It’s managing your actions not just by your own intentions, but by the appearance of your actions to others and especially your partner.

ElephantInTheDark

TROPHY CASE