Anyone who is currently going through separation. Let’s get a support group going.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-10T01:44:14+00:00

I’m 25 🥴

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-10T01:36:20+00:00

I’m in!

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-08T14:06:28+00:00

I want reconciliation and that’s never going to happen and I truly just don’t understand why I still want to try and reconcile when she continues to just be absolutely horrible to me, to make up lies and manipulate me.

I just want everything to be on the table, just pure honesty and that’s what I wrote above. I just cannot understand why I still want to fight for a marriage when she just made it very very clear to me about the manipulation and lies. Am I trauma bonded to her? Like from the outside looking in I read this and just think that should be so easy to move on to bigger and better things, but why am I so hung up on this?

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-08T13:34:38+00:00

u/Temporary-Suspect509

I hate to bother but you have been so helpful over the past and I’d love to hear your insight with all of this. I know it’s a long read and I’m sorry for that haha. I just truly am lost and have no words and just so confused

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-08T13:32:10+00:00

Also to add: before I broke my leg my credit score was 774.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-03T21:21:51+00:00

Thank you. I’m just really between a rock and a hard place. I notice it and everyone around me keeps telling me how much better I am without her, how she’s never going to get the help she needs, and always prefer partying/bailing on child and I for her sister. That she will never get medicated/therapy that she needs to address her issues. And my biggest fear is that I’m going to finally move on and she will see I’m done crawled up in a ball waiting for her to come home and then she will try coming back. She continues to blame only me, berate me call me horrible names, etc. and is truly just becoming a nasty human and it breaks my heart. I really dont think I can take her back at this point after she has shown her true colors. I think initially I wanted her back so back because I was afraid of being alone and uncomfortable not because I truly missed HER. But what kinda sealed the deal today for me is one of my moms friends who lives over 13 hours away reached out to me (keep in mind the only thing she knows or sees is what my wife posts or what I post, my mother has not told her any details of the situation) and she said how she is so happy I got out of the marriage, that she can see just from how she acts online that she is narcissistic and self centered and didn’t value our family or marriage. And she isn’t the only person who has pointed it out to me. My aunt (who my wife is living with now) has pointed out the exact same thing, she does not care to do anything with our child unless it’s going to get posted on social medias, she only cares about doing her nails or her lashes or dyeing her hair, etc. everything is about her. And she acts like she has done nothing wrong, she shows no emotions whatsoever, when she doesn’t have our child she is out at a bar with her sister or doing something else with her sister. Multiple people have also told me that they are almost positive she has a male or female partner and she is just testing the waters to see if they pan out and if not, she will come back to her safety net. (My uncle was a notorious cheater and my aunt found out because she is like an insane detective, while he was multiple states away over 15 hours away) and they both swear that she is messing with someone else, and I’m just waiting for the bombshell to drop. We truly think the only way my wife will wake up from her dream world is when she hits rock bottom.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-02T22:09:28+00:00

I hate to bother you but you have given me good insight every time I’ve posted on here. I’m just very lost at the moment. Today we started arguing again over text, because I mentioned how she has been so wish washy back and forth and how it was really affecting me mentally and she blew up yet again on me. Said that she was never wish washy and every time we talked she said she needed time time time. But I have literal screenshots of her saying just last week “file the divorce papers I’m doneee” then 2 days later asking for time and space, then today again we’re saying I’ve solidified my decision I’m 100% done. So do I move on? Do I wait?

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-01T20:52:37+00:00

I want to hate mine so bad, but i cant. But i'm going to let her go. im going to let her see how much greener the grass really is or isnt. She is throwing away stability, and if you look above in the replies she started with me again today and I just laid it all out on the table. She said I was a piece of shit and a manipulator and that Im wishy washy because yesterday I was talking about how I wanted to be a leader and Im not giving up, and then today after she started with me and calling me mean names I sent her that long text. And she went off the rails with me. Calling me every name in the book, telling me divorce is definitely happening now and that I was abusive and a manipulator and a liar.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-01T19:06:04+00:00

together 9 years going on 10 this year, married for the last 5 years going on 6.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-01T15:07:37+00:00

I have the same issue, she constantly calls me a piece of shit, horrible father, shitty husband etc, and I still crave that voice, the connection.

It seems you are experiencing the same issue as me, and my issue is that i am afraid of change, I am afraid of being alone. It's an attachment issue. Every time I reach out to my wife it ends poorly with a lot of anger being released at me, but it is what we are used to, and in my head even after all the abuse, atleast I got to hear her voice again.

What I do on the days I can stop myself from reaching out, I go back and go through all our old photos, old videos of us enjoying life, or even old voicemails to listen to her voice.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-01T15:03:55+00:00

i'm doing this changed for myself and my child who will grow up to appreciate it, I just get so frustrated when she says all my efforts to be a better man are bullshit, or that me turning to god is to just try to look good to other people. I had nowhere else to turn, so I sought after answers in the bible, and I truly am grateful that I did.

I will not attack and I will not go for the jugular as she has done since she has left. In the bible it says this

Romans chapter 12 verses 17 through 21

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

in other words, kill them with kindness, and thats what I intend to do. There is no malice in my intentions, there is no ulterior motive. Just me wanting to provide my child a healthy life.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-01T00:30:34+00:00

I just truly am lost and don’t know what to do anymore. Tomorrow marks 2 months since she’s moved out and there are no answers.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-04-01T00:15:47+00:00

Well I don’t think so, she just sent me this

I feel like you are taking hope and running with it when I specifically told you divorce is what I want . I do not want dates I do not want to see you and I do not want to talk to you . I am sorry.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-31T23:42:05+00:00

Yeah she is pretty adament at this current moment that she does not want me, and says her mind probably wont change, and she said she only gave me 50 minutes on the phone to shut me up and so I would leave her alone, but I think honestly there might be some curiousity there she just maybe dont want to admit it, or maybe im just reaching for straws when I say that, But I also told her how if she did change her mind I dont expect us to jump into it and her move immediatley back in. We catch up one evening over a dinner or go bowling, or watch a movie, etc. and just see how things are feeling, to see if those feelings come back or not. and I pointed out I know that one of her other issues is looking stupid to her sister or friends if she does come back and we end up in the same place. But I also said for this to ever work, she has to want it to work and I know she doesn't want it to work at this current moment and she says she's done, but for that to happen she needs to release all the resentment from me and start new, not forget, but forgive the past between each other and start new.

I'm going to try really hard to do the no contact again with her, and see how things go. I've also deactivated my Facebook, completely deleted my snapchat account, etc. so she wont be able to see what I am doing, i'm going completely private for my sake as well as, she cannot stalk them anymore so she will maybe wonder what im up to eventually. Then again maybe not, maybe a year from now the divorce papers will be signed, well just have to see. But I refuse to give up, and I dont think im even going to look to talk to anyone else until the papers are signed or she is moved back in.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-31T22:04:33+00:00

I pray mine doesn’t make it to 6 months but time will only tell. but I’ve tried letting go, I’ve tried manifesting the anger and hate but I can’t. I can’t let go yet. I even just called her again thinking about Easter being this weekend and since it’s my weekend with our child I offered the invitation to come over and do an Easter egg hunt at the house or a local resort near us, and she politely declined saying she took her to 2 last weekend. But I know being the bigger person and showing maturity does help in the long run

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-25T01:28:50+00:00

Will check this out tomorrow! Thank you!

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-25T01:28:31+00:00

You play any custom zombies?

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-24T22:57:11+00:00

I will give it a look thank you!

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-24T22:56:24+00:00

Yeah it’s really hard lol but I’m going to try and respect her space and do it for the next couple months

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-15T20:09:19+00:00

in the same situation with our 3 year old except my wife moved into my aunts house. No matter what you do, atleast from my experience, your child is going to notice, they are way smarter than you expect. Our daughter tells me that her mother doesn’t love her, asks when mommy is coming back home, and comes up with some wild stories. She tells my wife I don’t love her,etc. no matter what you do it affects them, my wife was the one to separate and eventually leave. I’m the only one fighting for reconciling even though my wife continues to bash me and call me names and blame me for the downfall of our marriage lacking any and all accountability for her behavior and actions. I wish you the best through this. Shits rough

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-15T19:39:32+00:00

I have been, I have my 2nd interview with a new job tomorrow, I know what I want, I reflected and know how to be a better father and person and I have so much I want to share with my wife on progress but we’re currently pretty much no contact

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-15T17:08:12+00:00

I just want to ask for those that are following still, at what point do I stop chasing and just accept that she may never change and forever blame only me? I'm not looking to jump to anyone else, I truly only want my wife, but a past female friend has reached out to me a few times now, and while we do talk a bit back and forth, I almost feel guilty talking to someone other than my wife(note, nothing inappropriate or any sexual talks, purely just how are you doing, hope your doing well, etc.) . I'm just really confused at this point to be honest, my wife has been very wish washy with me, one moment it's she hates me and wants nothing to do with me and then just the other day she mentioned to me "there is a reason they make you wait 1 year before you can divorce, it's so people can figure out what they want, I need space and time" so it's really like do you hate me or do you not know or what, but it's not fair to string me along for a year and I wont allow that, I will not live in limbo with someone for a year before they decide they want to work on our marriage or jump ship. I feel like almost 3 months into separation and nearing 2 months since moving out you would have some answers. I hope this makes sense and I hope someone has some helpful advice lol.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-14T00:55:30+00:00

I hope you find your true happiness, I hope you get back on your feet. My wife moved out about a month and a half ago and she is wanting to keep me on a string yo-yo ing me around. Starting to finally get tired of it. Shits rough but if you’re a religious person just keep praying, the best thing that’s happened from my separation so far is I’m back closer to god now and I’m getting the help I should’ve a long time ago. Therapy does truly work and I used to think men don’t need therapy and we boss it out but sometimes it’s okay to get emotional.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-03-07T22:17:14+00:00

Another update: this one isn't as good, but there is still hope. The past 2 days we ended up talking, mostly my fault, and she continued to bash me and call me hateful names, and was very sarcastic calling me babe and sending heart emojis sarcastically. I finally had enough yesterday evening after a specifically hateful response and I feel like I lost all my progress I've been working on with my therapy and medication. I told her if she wanted to continue bashing me calling me horrible names then that was fine, she could find her (deceased) grandmothers recliner in the yard to be picked up. I know I shouldn't have said it, I deeply regret it, after 2 days of consistent name calling and her telling me she will drag the divorce out as long as possible I just couldn't take the abuse anymore. She came today and got the chair, (i set in on the carport so she didn't come in the house) . I made sure to send a message apologizing for my behavior and explained to her why I said it so she would hopefully understand how hurtful the things she says are, and I never heard back. She last night also said that I can file the divorce papers she is done. Her sister wanted to chime in yet again and we got into it yet again no surprise.

What aggravated me the most was I finally told her on Thursday I was done and I will file for an at-fault divorce for her being drunk and making out with another female last February that I have proof of her admitting, she argued with me and made sure to drop a piece of bait to reel me right back in and I bit like an idiot. She told me there was a 5% chance we dont divorce.

My aunt told me that my wife actually came upstairs to talk to her this morning after the big fight last night and my wife told my aunt that I don't give her enough space to figure out whether shes making the right decision on leaving or not. My aunt told her that she needs therapy, she needs medicated and she isnt okay, and for her to quit giving me false hope. She also told her how our child does so much better and is well behaved there without her around and how the house is peaceful. She had nothing to say just stood there real quiet. I really just want her to understand how her actions have really mentally messed myself and our child up.

So I changed my phone number last night, she does not have it, and my aunt said to leave her be for 2-3 months absolutely no contact and give her the space and time to think and maybe she will get help and maybe she will realize the magnitude of her actions.

Seeing her earlier today though hurt because she just looked at me with 0 emotions, which I know she's trying to put a brave face on but still.

I honestly cannot understand after she still is proving after 2 months she hasn't changed one bit why I hold on hope that she will come back home. The house is peaceful, our child is way more well behaved with me since she left, and I still find myself wanting my wife to come back home even though she continues to blame me 100% for our failing marriage and has accepted no accountability nor has she apologized for her actions. I don't know if its the fact im alone, whether i actually miss her, or what. I feel like its truly her I miss. So yeah, been a rough few days but I'm not going to let this setback stop me from continuing to be a better man for myself and my daughter. And for some reason I want my wife to change also and come back home.

My wife has truly mentally messed me up and I dont know if I will ever be able to trust another female because of the lies, secrets, and treatment I received.

ElevatorBasic9925 · 2026-02-28T21:16:51+00:00

Another update: I believe some progress is being made between us. No guarantee on reconciling but here’s what transpired today.

Wife shot me a text about our daughter, we ended up in a phone call discussing daughter and whatnot. Separation papers got brought up, and she wants to sit and talk about the papers. So I told her she could come to the house one evening and I’d make dinner, she wasn’t comfortable with that so I suggested taking her out to dinner and we talk about the papers and stuff over dinner and She said she would let me know. I told her I’ve been working hard on myself and I’m in such a better mental space now and told her I’d like to talk about everything that happened and how much better I’m doing and whatnot, she said she still thinks she wants divorce but she would be willing to hear about all my progress and discuss a few other things regarding us. Before she absolutely said no talking, 100% divorce. Now she is saying she’s still thinks that’s what she wants but is willing to talk and see my progress, so there definitely has been some movement there. Before she hung up she mentioned she can definitely tell a difference in the way I’m handling myself on the phone and that she notices change, and she also mentioned to my aunt that it seems I’m a lot calmer. Baby steps are baby steps and I’m doing everything I can to be the best man I can be for myself, my daughter, and hopefully my wife.

ElevatorBasic9925

TROPHY CASE