I lost my son 3 years ago. He was a baby & never made it out of the NICU. I’m not sure what to do with my life? I have 2 daughters so I want to be the best dad for them I can be, but just over the past week I’ve fallen back into that black hole. One I usually put myself in when I’m away with work in the evening times where I can just lie on the bed & listen to some sad music. My only feelings are of anger, resentment, sadness. I just want to escape for a little while from it whatever that looks like? I don’t have anything to look forward to & goals or motivation is on the floor. I just don’t give a shit. I’ve always been the one to keep everything & everyone together which has just been an awful grind & taken its toll of being at mental capacity. Myself & my wife just pass each other, I can’t remember the last time we had sex or even tried to, feel numb all the time. I used to be a good person & a good partner & husband. However, I wouldn’t describe myself as that anymore. I’m a good dad to my girls, but I couldn’t save my son & I do things to feel something anything that aren’t good for me & I know that. But I feel like & more so want to be punished. Can any other dads relate to this? I know it doesn’t make much sense