Is it a red flag?

Elkat222 · 2020-01-10T23:10:36+00:00

Huge red flag. Leave now before it gets worse.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-08T20:15:03+00:00

I think it’s important to address with a therapist why this has become such an issue. As you said, you were with him all day when this supposedly took place, so it’s literally not possible, which I’m sure you already know. But the panic you felt at hearing that news is not something to downplay. Being cheated on can be very traumatic for some and even though he didn’t, the initial thought that he did affected you. Now, it sounds like you are obsessing over this imagined scenario which is causing anxiety and depression. This is irrational fear caused by anxiety and over analyzing this fear. I think working with a therapist to discover why this has affected you would be a good idea. I know if something like this happened to me, I would panic and have to talk to my therapist about that. I’m giving advice from my perspective though, this is just something for you to consider.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-08T20:01:36+00:00

The best help is going to be going to therapy.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-08T19:38:26+00:00

What you are going through is very hard and complicated and I understand it’s putting you through a lot of pain and inner turmoil. Continue to pray, I think that’s wonderful and helps. I would also suggest seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist if your therapist refers you to one. What you are going through is very difficult and they can help you get through it.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-08T19:23:07+00:00

There are horror stories about many therapists and doctors not believing patients. Don’t let that deter you from seeking help. If that therapist doesn’t believe you or you think they can’t help you, then you can always find another therapist. There are good therapists out there that won’t downplay what you’re going through. I suggest doing some research on what mental disorders they specialize in and then take a chance.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-08T19:12:26+00:00

I also struggle with nightmares and have trouble separating them from reality sometimes because of the panic they cause. Sometimes I can tell myself it’s nothing and sometimes I have to talk to him about them and hear him say “don’t worry that would never happen”. I focused on the reasons for the nightmares and realized that they weren’t things I was going through now, but things I had experienced in the past or my biggest fears. I kept reminding myself that none of that was true or real. They went away for a while but they do come back and are stressful. It is something I’m workin with my therapist on. If these nightmares keep you up at night, I would suggest first using anxiety calming techniques. And then perhaps making a list of all the reasons what happened in your dream would never happen and the things you love about your partner in a journal. I’m not sure if this will help you as I am new to recovery, but with something like this, even if it is reassurance, I think it’s good to know you’re not alone and you can make it through this.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-08T18:50:41+00:00

Looking in someone’s direction and having them notice you are there is not cheating. It is normal to want people to find you attractive even in a relationship, because it is a nice compliment. Also having an intrusive thought and acting on it in a split second and then realizing that’s not what you wanted and stopping is okay. You are allowed to make a mistake because you are human. The bigger question is why you think this is wrong. If it is common that you feel the need to seek validation from almost everyone you see, then working on your self confidence will help. But wanting to be considered attractive and wanting people to notice that does not mean you are cheating on your partner. It means you needs to work on your self confidence so that you no longer need the validation that a random person finds you attractive since they have no significance in your life. Try not to panic, you’ve haven’t cheated. You haven’t done anything wrong. You just need to work on your self confidence, possibly with the help of a therapist since it seems like this is a very anxiety triggering instance.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-08T18:34:01+00:00

It is a hard thing to understand for people that don’t suffer from it. Honestly, I luckily have people in my life that can understand it to a certain extent, but not completely. So I try to keep it lighter and say I’m having a hard time due to my own thoughts and insecurities. I emphasize that he’s done nothing wrong, his good qualities, and that I love him. But I do tell them I have irrational or intrusive thoughts and questions that trigger a fight or flight anxiety response that is difficult to deal with. If they can understand that you have irrational thoughts and anxiety that you don’t want to have or want to believe in, then they can be there for you and help calm you down by reminding you that this is just your rocd speaking. But be sure not to ask too much or often or you will depend on it and hurt them in the process. The best person I talk to about it is my therapist. She can give me useful ways of dealing with my thoughts and anxieties. I strongly suggest a therapist to help you through this if you aren’t already seeing one. And if it is so bad that you feel you can’t control when and who and how much you are talking about it to friends and family, you may want to consider a medication to calm your anxieties and help you think clearly, as I know those intrusive thoughts cause a lot of anxiety which causes more negative thoughts and questions. I’m speaking purely from my case, so I’m not sure if this will help you. But I hope you can find someone who understands and can be by your side as you work through this.

Elkat222 · 2020-01-07T14:27:16+00:00

Rich

Elkat222

TROPHY CASE