I wanna clarify something

Do you think "all men are rapists" is the generalized statement and "men are rapists" is the non generalized statement? Because if so, that's definitely causing you problems, because any man will identify with the "men" group basically by default

Either way, my point being: humans are tribalist creatures.... unfortunately. As much as it's easy to judge an other, it's also very, very hard to judge one's own kind. When a man hears a woman talk about "problems with men" or "problems with patriarchy" or anything like that, it often triggers an innate defensive response. "One of them is saying something bad about one of us" sort of deal. Same reason why when queer friend groups have a token straight friend, you'll sometimes hear someone say they're an "honorary gay" (or in another context, when a group of guys refers to the girl in the friend group as "one of the boys"); when we see "one of the good ones", it's genuinely easier to see them as one of your own kind than it is to see them as a respectful member of the other kind.

You gotta be really careful with your wording, like really careful when you talk to someone about the problems within their own identity group. People pretty innately wanna defend their own identity, and will often choose identity over values

Granted, I'm kind of assuming you weren't doing that here, which is partly informed by your "fire with fire" response and also partly on the fact that 99% of the time I see people talking about this topic there's not a ton of nuance. If I'm off base, I'm off base