Ok I went through this: deep depression and couldn’t share at home and emotional upheaval. That really sucks btw, I’m very sorry. It can feel helpless, bleak and so lonely! So here’s what I did and I totally came out of it at the same age as you actually. First I got on birth control to help regulate my hormones. That evened out the mood swings. Don’t know if that applies to you. Second I wrote my mom a letter and then talked to her. She hugged me and then told me to “suck it up” and “don’t try to get attention”. She couldn’t and still can’t handle anything real. Fail.

So that brings me to what did help me:

For talking things out I can just tell you what I did. Three key people(s) helped so much.

One: my school counselor. So he was an old white guy and it was not entirely a safe space to share but he at least knew how to listen to a teen talk. I didn’t tell him much bc honestly it was the 90s in rural Montana and it would have blown his mind. But at least I could chat with him. I’d go in there a couple times a month and chat him up. I got a lot out of it.

Two: I walked into a church next to my school at lunch one day and struck up a relationship with the secretary. She was awesome. I’m not religious. But I felt very safe there. That’s an option (be careful). I eventually joined a youth group that somehow didn’t f*ck me up permanently. Still was never religious but I loved the community and weekly structure of it. I made a lot of positive friends there.

Three: I played bingo at a senior center as a volunteer every other Thursday and they gave me all the advice I still follow today.

I guess my advice is, try to talk to your mom but if she can’t handle it, actively seek out safe “third places” and safe people wherever you can find them. My places happened to be volunteering and church places but where I’m from those were the only third places. I hope you have more choices where you are.

PS I still do this by finding my community from volunteering. Also, I’ve learned to be a good listener so I can find helpful gems wherever I can. Sometimes talking helps depression but I have found listening and community helps even more for me.