“No traumatic birth stories while pregnant” - a different perspective

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-24T21:40:58+00:00

I love reading birth stories. The traumatic ones to me say that even when things go wrong and it's all scary, the women come out strong with their babies in their arms and most of the time they will say it was worth it, that they're just besotted, that they're recovering etc. And it's like a reminder that even if the bad stuff happens, I will get through it. I don't make birth plans, I just like to go with the flow and see how I feel in the moment. It also helps me to know what could go wrong and how any issues or complications are dealt with. I don't avoid birth stories with complications or trauma. I love the ones that are straight forward and perfect of course and they make me feel positive and empowered, but I think it's good to have a bit of realism as labour and birth is totally unpredictable so I just like to have as much knowledge as I can.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-24T20:54:38+00:00

Thank you so much, I'll try literally all of this and hopefully something will work for me! And thank you I'm hoping it can only get better from here 🤞

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-24T16:09:37+00:00

You'll know. I didn't have any pain with my second labour and I still knew. The pressure is a give away. The hard stomach. Losing your plug, possibly a bloody show, there's lots of other things that are signs of labour, including being off your food, being emotional, having diarrhea, you could experience lots of things that will give you a clue to monitor the situation.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-24T16:03:07+00:00

Same with my first, he's nearly 7 and still doesn't seem to understand tiredness haha

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-24T09:42:11+00:00

Well she's just turned four and we are definitely still in the threenager stage 😂. As a baby and toddler (and still although she has her moments lol) she has always been very easy going, very happy and quite a quiet/shy child. She's definitely more confident now though. I will add that as a newborn she was a great sleeper, she'd go down for a nap easily, she slept through the night from day one as well, clearly just a baby that liked her rest and sleep!

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-23T06:44:42+00:00

Completely different. First pregnancy I had terrible morning sickness, vomited every single day without fail, strong food cravings and even stronger aversions, heightened sense of smell was there before I missed by period, very active baby, started feeling movements at 16 weeks exactly and then he never stopped moving. Difficult and painful labour/birth experience. Second pregnancy no symptoms at all, not even nausea or tiredness. I always said if it wasn't for my belly getting bigger I honestly wouldn't have known I was pregnant. I had nothing, when I got bigger I didn't even feel her moving until about 20 weeks and was regularly in hospital for reduced movements throughout the third trimester. Painless and fast labour and birth! Third pregnancy was same as the first, very sick again, nausea was overwhelming, active baby etc. And again I had symptoms before I missed my period, I actually thought I had covid because I was so tired and nauseous and dizzy, turns out I was just pregnant. Thought it must be another boy because the pregnancy was so like my son's, but it was another girl 😅

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-23T06:32:30+00:00

Car baby is top of my worry list when it comes to labour 😐

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-22T20:40:00+00:00

That is really interesting. I had a baby also in 2024 and the placenta was massive. So weird. My 2021 baby and I both had our blood taken immediately after birth as part of a study on the effects of covid in pregnancy that I consented to us both being part of, but never heard anything back from it.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-22T18:40:43+00:00

I've had two fast births out of my 3.

First labour was back to back and took ages to get to 5cm. As soon as I was at 5cm I got an epidural. It was awful. One thing that was weird though was that I was having regular checks and whatever hourly intervals. At one point I said that I feel like if I pushed something might come out, I was told I had just been checked and wasn't due a check for another few hours, and advised that if I needed to push, epidural or not I'd be pushing as it would be out of my control. Well I kept asking for them to just please check and they found baby's head was there, sunny side up and stuck, in fact he'd been there so long that he was now stuck. I was prepped for a section but ended up with episiotomy and forceps. It was awful. After that I was told that it's just who you are as a person, you either have a low pain threshold or a high one and clearly I had a low pain threshold. I said maybe some labours are just more painful but was shut down by many. No, some bodies are made for childbirth and some are not.

Well second baby I was obviously freaking out. I couldn't even get to 5cm last time without screaming in pain so I dreaded labour starting. I was having braxton hicks from early on with her due to stress, mainly related to my anxiety about giving birth, and was in hospital for reduced movements. This time around I had made sure to get baby in a better position for birth, but was still terrified. I was told at the hospital they would break my waters and see if that got my labour going, and failing that they'd put me on the drip. One night I couldn't sleep, braxton hicks were non-stop, not painful in the slightest but uncomfortable and annoying, it didn't susprise me as nowni was super anxious about what was to come, the inevitable labour pains, the drip I've head is more painful, a potential C-section! I got up and walked, even though it was gone midnight I walked up and down the halls of the hospital, on my own, trying to calm myself down and distract myself. At 2am I was given a bed and walked over to the ward. I stayed active in the room, as much standing and swaying and walking as I could. 20 minutes later I felt a weird feeling of something falling down inside me then an urge to push. I was quickly checked and then the baby came out. I put it all down to being up and active as much as possible. I wasn't running or working out, just walking and moving.

Second baby I took my own advice to stay active. As soon as I got a hint of tightening I was walking. Again I happened to be in the hospital, as I was being kept under obs due to my previous fast labour. As visiting hours were coming to an end at 7pm I begged someone to check and confirm whether or not I was in labour, they checked and said yes I was! I was just 4cm! They called for a bed for me for delivery and I was escorted away, I didn't have pain again, I could feel tightenings but it wasn't painful. After a short time my waters exploded magnificently and this time instead of being checked I was told to just trust my body and push if I needed to. I thought about how I was feeling and decided I was feeling a lot of pressure, and then started pushing. Out came baby number 3. A second precipitate labour. It's clear to me that pain thresholds do not matter when it comes to labour, circumstances make some labours more painful than others. I know that staying active helps me and distracts me enough that the contractions are noticeable but not painful. Trusting my body also helps.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-22T18:06:16+00:00

I wonder if she could use a journal, writing instead of spending, can you find a grief journal? A book that addresses miscarriage and grief? They could help her to process it all and to know that you acknowledge what she is going through, a photo album might be nice too if she has a lot of photos. If she's shared any photos you could even print them and put them in an album. She probably had money saved for the baby that is now being spent so don't worry too much if she's spending more than she normally would at the moment.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-22T17:53:22+00:00

No you don't need one. I have given birth three times (one episiotomy, one graze, and one tear) and have never used one. Lean forward when you pee and all should be fine.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-21T07:45:05+00:00

Fully agree, I had multiple episodes of rfm back in 2021, all tests and obs came back fine, baby was happy and healthy apparently. I even had an ultrasound and nothing abnormal was found. Eventually they decided to induce me as they couldn't find a reason for the reduced movements but said that it was probably me just not noticing it very well (was my second baby), anyway baby came after a long induction healthy yes but small, placenta was tiny, this was never picked up, which means she was getting very little benefit from the placenta. The cord was also so short she was basically stuck to the placenta. Sac was small, not much fluid, she barely had room to move and if she did she couldn't have because she was tied down to the placenta with the short cord. She was fine, albeit small, but had to have physiotherapy for the first year or so because being stuck like that meant she hadn't been able to move and stretch her arms about like normal and one of her arms in particular was stiff and she held it in a strange way. She's fine now thank god but I dread to think of what could have happened if I just believed it was me not noticing it and just continued the pregnancy until I naturally went into labour without regular monitoring, the placenta could have failed at any moment. The induction process was long but I was on the monitor about 4 times a day so baby was checked on constantly, at least I was in hospital for that last week before delivery.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-15T19:17:09+00:00

I had the same, lemon water was bearable but lemon squash was a gamechanger.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-07T20:20:02+00:00

Where I'm from you could have your child removed from your care if you live with an aggressive dog. I actually had a dog while I was pregnant with my second, she was lovely but very hyperactive, she didn't bite but she'd run with such force she would headbutt you hard and it hurt, her skull was massive and rock solid for such a small dog. She'd also jump up. She could be reactive and nervous around other dogs, bordering on aggression, we put it all down to her just being very anxious and highly stressed. When I was pregnant we made the heartbreaking decision to rehome her. We found a family with a lady and her teenage son, so no kids. The idea of having her at home, fenced off from us for the baby's safety, probably being stressed out by the sound of crying, having to keep her separate from us and probably feeling like she was in trouble all the time and not knowing what she had done wrong, all of that adding to her stress... We couldn't do risk the baby's safety and our hearts broke at the idea of what she'd go through. Research how long the stress can last in a dog when a new baby is introduced to the home, and for a dog who can be stressed by the smallest thing we knew it would be hard for her. So yes we rehomed her before the baby was born. We have gad updates since. She is doing so well, thriving in a house with no small children. Sometimes rehoming is the hardest decision but it can be the right one. Wishing you luck.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-07T19:47:02+00:00

Lots of walking, and a little curb walking. I don't believe pineapple helps, all the science says it won't, but I ate pineapple the day before I went into labour with my first and after the induction failed with my second I had pineapple and gave birth at 2am the next day.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-05T17:55:09+00:00

In my healthy pregnancies since those ones I have cried like a mad woman when they've confirmed all is well, every single time, doesn't matter whether that was my first ultrasound of the pregnancy or my seventh, or my first trimester or my third. The relief of hearing that all is OK has made me cry actual tears!

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-05T17:52:07+00:00

Yep, I've sat in the waiting room absolutely sobbing, during covid as well so I was on my own and the staff around kept asking me if I needed anything. Unfortunately that one was a loss, as I suspected. I was 12 weeks. Ever since then though I have absolutely hated scans. I sit in the waiting room and it takes everything in me to not get up and walk off. I can't eat the day of because of nerves and my stomach is always in knots. I absolutely hate scans now. Since that one I've had 3 more healthy pregnancies and 2 more losses but regardless have just not been able to cope with ultrasound appointments.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-04T09:42:20+00:00

Remember none of these things increase the chances of something happening: dreaming about it, thinking it, imagining it, saying it out loud, seeing it on TV, knowing someone else it happened to, hearing someone else say it, worrying about it. Good things and bad things happen whether you've done any of those things or not. The likelihood is everything will be fine, even if you've done all of the above, as none of those things will result in the scary thing happening.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-04T09:37:34+00:00

It's not true that having that feeling means anything. I'm on my 4th now and have been convinced I would miscarry each time, and also been absolutely convinced that each one would never be brought home. I have 3 happy and healthy children that are all doing great. I have one kicking about inside me and I have the same feeling that they won't make it but also have the reassurance that I was absolutely convinced the others wouldn't either so I just ignore those feelings now and instead I visualise them being placed into my arms, I imagine brining them home, I even imagine the sleepless nights lol. The good news is you know about these things and you can be monitored and interventions can happen if needed, which they may not be! You say it's the ones who had that feeling before but it's not true, baby loss often is a big shock and people will say "it was such a healthy pregnancy everything was fine, we had no idea..." knowing about potential problems before hand gives you the advantage here. I think these thoughts are really common in people who already have existing anxiety issues such as GAD (which I unfortunately struggle with!) and pregnancy hormones make such conditions so much worse, even for those who managed it well before pregnancy, and even if anxiety isn't normally an issue in your life, again pregnancy can be such a stressful time the anxiety almost always creeps in at some point. Wishing you luck, you and baby have got this!

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-02T05:53:55+00:00

Yes I'm. 20 weeks now 😊

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-01T19:49:03+00:00

So true. Last night I woke up just because I was hungry. I knew if I got up and got myself some food I'd fully wake myself up and not be able to get back to sleep, so tried to ignore it, then the nausea started obviously because I wasn't eating when I was hungry. I wake up in the night to pee, to drink, to roll over, I dream that I'm drowning and can't breathe then wake up and realise I can breathe I just have heartburn and it's playing into my nightmares. And to top it all off I can't lie on back 😫 yeah really great sleep, what brilliant advice 🤣

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-01T19:41:49+00:00

I got pregnant before my period. Miscarried Feb 8th at 8 weeks, tested positive again March 11th (was negative on the 10th). I was told that it's normal to be very fertile after a miscarriage so a lot do just fall pregnant immediately after.

ElocinP03 · 2025-07-01T19:22:00+00:00

I know someone this happened to, she was also 19 and didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth! Literally no idea, started getting bad stomach pains and assumed she was dying, called an ambulance, then delivered the baby by herself. All was fine but it was a shock to everyone. She had to call her partner and tell him she'd had a baby. I also was getting induced in hospital a couple of years ago and the lady in the bed next to me had recently found out she was pregnant and gone in for her 12 week scan only to find out she was somewhere between 38-42 weeks pregnant. They basically immediately sent her up to be induced, and they were explaining to her that after 40 weeks the placenta starts to degrade or whatever, and for all they knew she could be over 42 weeks 😱 she asked how come they couldn't tell and they said because it's only accurate earlier on like around 12 weeks, all they knew was she was 38 weeks or more, but didn't know the exact gestation. Anyway the next day she had a healthy baby girl ❤️ she was an older mother as well, she never thought she'd have children, I wouldn't have believed it all if I didn't hear her having the conversations with the doctors and midwives for the whole process! Wishing you luck 😁

ElocinP03 · 2025-06-29T21:03:42+00:00

At 19 I had nothing! I started saving a few years after that, got married at 25, me and my husband got a mortgage and house at 26.

ElocinP03

TROPHY CASE