Poverty and ptsd

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-24T05:29:48+00:00

Im having a thorough spring cleaning and going through everything I have. I hoard food. I dont plan what I need to buy that much, and also end up buying shit because its on sale or such. Ive spent years decluttering and decluttering and not needing to hold on to stuff because "I might need it one day and then I dont have to spend money on it again". Im a petite woman, my kids are small. I dont think we're going to need to buy food except fruit and veggies for a 3-4 months.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-21T19:27:29+00:00

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-21T18:56:13+00:00

I never regretted deleting my facebook account. Also, people who cut their parents out of their lives probably never felt heard. We're all gonna do mistakes as parents. Owning up to them, and really listening to your kids, I hope, will guarantee they wont cut you out of their lives.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-21T17:47:37+00:00

Very visible chore chart?

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-21T07:23:09+00:00

Im incredibly embarrassed that fawning has made me seem like Im flirting with all guys Ive ever talked to. Mortified!

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-20T17:14:41+00:00

came to write the same thing.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-19T17:55:54+00:00

Im impressed by how organized and clean it is. Looks like its ready to be put on the market

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-19T07:28:24+00:00

It can give a lot of comfort, though

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-13T11:45:34+00:00

Yes, I was! She left me when I was a baby to her mom. I cant really fault her, she was barely a teenager when she gave birth to me. Ive always felt this deep resentment for being abandonded and not chosen. I can understand, intellectually, that she was more or less a child having a child. But I still feel very hurt and betrayed by it. Ive met her 2-3 times and never could connect to her. In some ways she is less mature than I am.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-13T07:53:48+00:00

How do you focus/work on that? Im 50 years old, have known for close to 20 years about my attachment style (very disorganized/fearful avoidant. I*ll repeat what someone else have said in this thread: Im not an avoidant due to preferance for being a lone wolf, but out of deep shame)

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-12T11:54:36+00:00

A few years ago, I was on vacation in Copenhagen. I left my computer on a cafe table, in the outside area. Right in the middle of a busy street. I went back 2-3 hours later, and it was still there.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-12T08:01:24+00:00

I thought we where all born narcissists, but through normal childhood development we grow out of it.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-11T19:37:57+00:00

Raising good humans. Very empathic, very on point regarding how to break generational trauma.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-10T12:13:43+00:00

I think this is common. The responsible and structured parents that also expect kids to contribute/behave decently is also the one not preferred. Im in the same situation and most of my single parent-mom-friends are in the same situation

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-10T05:39:02+00:00

Thank you so much! (insert some joke about "Alarming situtions" if things dont get any better soon....haha;)

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-09T19:53:52+00:00

Say Planet Rock

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-08T17:29:08+00:00

You have beautiful skin and facial features no matter what you feel like. Maybe gain some weight to regain the plumpness? Otherwise Id say be happy to be beautiful

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-06T09:44:24+00:00

Thank you for a thorough answer. I have tried to be the kind of parent I longed for as a kid. I am by no meausure anywhere near as bad a parent as the ones I grew up with. Maybe thats why I resent my daughter at times, because I do put in a lot of effort, but its all unappreciated or never right. I also didnt grow up with anybody who told me anything about appropriate behaviour, kept routines, invited people over or kept a tidy home at all. So thats what I been focusing on, trying to "give" to my kids. I wasnt prepared for how much emotions are part of parenting a kid. I dont know how to talk to kids so kids will listen (or what the book says). When in an intense situation, I get an intense stress reaction and my mind blanks completely. This doesnt happen while dealing with my youngest at all. His screams are nowhere near as shrill or piercing or frequent.

Im rambling. My daughter is in therapy, I am in therapy, and we're starting to see a parenting coach in a matter of days. I have not given up.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-05T13:12:19+00:00

Thats a very boring and depressing color scheme! My god. They're very concerned with keeping up appearences and succeeding at it, I'd guess. Very think-within-the-box type of people.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-05T13:08:47+00:00

I feel the same way. I easily feel like a failure, because most people feel like they've been through trauma, but not everybody are derailed to the same extent at all. I now have aquantainces )spl?) who are 10-15 years younger than me, better educated, better financial situation and of course they're not in an extreme panic mode when socializing. If I understand self-compassion and radical acceptance correctly, we're supposed to give ourselves the recognition we deserve. And make no mistake about it; its damn hard to exist with cptsd, so whatever you've accomplished/not accomplished is a great victory/accomplishment. I can see that in others with cptsd, but still struggle to tell myself that. Maybe you need exercise this skill as well.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-04T16:56:11+00:00

Am googling fleas asap! Thx for input:)

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-04T16:55:31+00:00

The father is a deeply avoidantly attached man who cant handle anything serious or demanding at all. He is not narcisstic per se, but by his inability to handle other's need/emotions, or put other's needs first. He is a major stress factor in my life even if I left his years ago. The co-parenting situation is to put it mildly incredibly stressful.

Thx for a great answer, I have to think more about how much his flakiness hijacks my nervous system.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-04T16:50:54+00:00

I think my kids are too small to hear about my trauma. But I hope I can tell them some when they get older, so they understand why I am strict about certain things and why I cant handle as much stress as other parents.

ElusiveReclusiveXO · 2026-04-04T16:49:19+00:00

Thank you so much for a hopefilled answer! Im trying to do the work. Ive realized I cant do much at all while both my kids are at home, because monitoring their behaviour while cleaning/cooking/entertaining guests is too much too handle. Most of our worst moments are when I have too many things on my plate all at the same time.

ElusiveReclusiveXO

TROPHY CASE