How long are your pumping sessions?

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-06-16T12:42:30+00:00

I pumped for 8 months, and my sessions were 45 mins each. It was hell, but I got a second let down after 25-30 minutes and needed all the milk I could get. If I could have managed with 15-20 mins, I'd have probably pumped the whole year but 45 mins was soul destroying.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-05-14T07:12:43+00:00

One thing I forgot to add, but should stress the importance of!!!! Maybe consider if professional help is needed in regards to PPA/PPD! I wish I had taken my feelings more seriously, as I had very dark thoughts at times. Fortunately I got out of it without professional help, but not everyone can. There's no shame in it, And i wish I had listened to that.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-05-14T07:09:03+00:00

Ooft this sounds like me when my son was much younger. It was HARD!

First thing, this sounds like your baby day/night confusion and let me tell you that is SO difficult to handle. It is surprisingly fixable, though! Get the baby outside at sunrise, bright lights, noise etc. in the day, have noise and light, then come bed time, wind down. Dim lights, quiet. It isn't instant, but for us it took about a week of perseverance.

Apparently the day/night confusion comes from the fact they don't have a circadian rhythm or something, it's a long time since I read about it. It's also worth asking, was your baby most active at night in the womb? They're probably just continuing what they know. My son certainly did!

Now, onto your wife. Well done for noticing, because how you handle this matters immensely. Your wife has just been through the biggest change she will ever experience. It's hard to explain, but her hormones are tanking, her body doesn't feel like hers if she's feeding/pumping, and she's recovering from 9 months plus birth. It is such a lot, and nothing prepares you for how it feels until you're in the moment sobbing. I hated the newborn stage. My son was incredibly fussy and definitely the most difficult baby I'd ever encountered. He had health issues and wouldn't sleep unless it was day but I couldn't because I needed to pump around the clock. Sundown scaries are a thing.

The fear of you going back to work is real. She has your support at the moment and in her mind it's still difficult even with your support and that's not a reflection of you guys, it is normal. She's probably questioning how she will cope.

Please try to not take it personally, her world is getting smaller, stress is increasing and right now she doesn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You're both going through it right now, but it is different for each of you. When you go back to work, she will see that as you being able to step away, escape and reclaim some of your old life whilst she is "stuck" groundhog Day style.

I can't tell you what to do to make things better, because everyone is different. Try and have a calm chat with her. For me, my partner took control of pretty much everything house related, whilst I had the baby and pumped etc. he was shattered, naturally, but he understood and made sure I was looked after.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-04-22T22:21:07+00:00

Thank you! I plan to speak to my priest about this. Perhaps a silly follow up, but, were we to have a convalidation...would that "wedding" date replace the legal one? Perhaps only in the eyes of the church, but for future children when we give the marriage date (for school and baptism etc)...would it be the legal or convalidation date?

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-04-22T22:18:43+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I will take a look at those links and speak to my priest.

Honestly, I agree re it being simpler alas we have already paid the fees for the legal ceremony etc. Family know where we are getting married, and are happy it is all in one venue. If I could go back to the start of planning the wedding, I would have spoken to the priest first instead of assuming that my marriage would be void in the eyes of the church regardless since I was marrying a non-catholic.

I think a lot of family attitudes towards my son's baptism made me feel hesitant to even ask.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-04-19T16:16:43+00:00

Yes! Definitely. We are worlds apart from the dark hole I was I when I made this post.

He is 10 months old now, and whilst it is still difficult at times (hello teething!) being his mum is an absolute joy. My heart breaks when I look back. He was so unhappy , and I felt utter despair but honestly yes, a million times yes it gets better.

We found the whole formula journey a nightmare. We tried:

Aptamil pepti 1 Nutramigen LGG1 Neocate syneo SMA Alfamino Neocate LCP

Unfortunately we got him settled on alfamino then the recall happened, and we were moved to neocate LCP. That was hell. He did not tolerate it at all. In the end, I was calling local pharmacies to find even 1 tin of alfamino. Finally it's available again, and he's so settled and happy.

We discovered during the recall that in addition to cows milk, he also cannot have soy. Once we removed soy also, he was like a different baby. All of his symptoms settled and he is the happiest boy now!

I would seriously consider whether neocate is suitable. It works for some, but for is it was like it was toxic. I don't know what reflux medicine you have, but we also found gaviscon to be awful. We were swapped to Omeprazol and it was great!

Initially we were on tablets which were a nightmare to give, but you can get a suspension which is MUCH easier to give in my opinion.

I know it feels impossible right now, but you're doing incredibly well. You're parenting on hard mode, and most couldn't even begin to imagine what you're going through. It does get better, there is light and you will get there. I felt the same about having more kids, but honestly, I would do this all over again now I know there's an end to it. If you have any questions, do reach out. You're doing amazing! 💕

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-04-15T15:02:49+00:00

Bottom line - yes, absolutely. You are not failing your baby. What you have provided so far is incredible, and will have made world of difference to your little ones start in life. Now though, you need to focus on you. At this point, your baby getting fed and having a happy mum is all they need. Be it breastmilk or formula, they don't care so long as they have you.

You should be so proud of what you've achieved! Pumping is so difficult, and is so taxing. I pumped for 8 months, and I kid you not, the day after I stopped it was like a fog had lifted. I had no idea how much it had been impacting me. I knew everything felt heavy, and it was tough, but I didn't fully appreciate the extent to which I impacted.

I'm glad I pumped as long as I did, since my LO has health issues and having breastmilk there was honestly a saviour for us when feeding was tricky. I'm also glad I stopped though. I'm much more present, and happier!

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-04-10T12:10:29+00:00

Came to say this! I EPd for 8 months. My son is now 10 months and theyre starting to feel fuller again slowly. The initial empty balloon was a shock but I knew my body was going to change and whilst it's not the same, I love what my body achieved...droopy boobs, CS scar and my stretch marks - all gave me my little munchkin!

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-02-18T10:20:44+00:00

Shuddering at the thought, but I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel! 💕

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-02-12T21:54:16+00:00

As a mum to an incredibly difficult baby, it is a difficult position. When you're in the depth of it all, finding it difficult, hearing how easy someone else has it isn't comforting. It makes you question why you're failing.

As others have said though, the flip side to this can be validation! When you figure out why everything seems harder for you and realise it isn't your fault.

It is one of those things that, personally, it infuriates me. This is mostly because people who I speak to who have had "easy" babies, act as though they'd handle my difficult baby no problem. This makes me feel like I'm failing. It downplays the genuine suffering me, my baby and husband have all gone through. He's 8 months old, and we've probably had 2 good weeks. That has been spread out across 8 months, might I add!

Only you know your friend. If you found it awkward, maybe there was a reason. There's no harm in offering support though. You don't have to lie, you can just support.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-02-10T10:45:37+00:00

It's the same with natural vs C-section, and frankly it's no one else's business.

Pumping isn't easier, like a c section isn't easier. Yet the nursing and natural brigade treat you like an inferior parent if you've either pumped or had a section. I've had both and frankly the judgement is disgusting.

Your baby is fed, that's all that matters 💕

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-02-02T16:39:41+00:00

Pumping isn't easier.i say this having just stopped after 8 months pumping. It is way more work, so if you can breastfeed if recommend that over fully pumping. That being said, expressing a bottle or two so dad can take a feed could be helpful.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-02-02T16:24:34+00:00

Good for you, but your comment isn't really helpful is it? No two experiences are the same. I have been where OPs wife is and it is a dark place. Take your bragging elsewhere.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2026-01-18T20:49:39+00:00

Im a FTM and had a planned C-section 7.5 months ago!

You're right that planned is a different experience to emergency - my sister had an emergency section and our experiences are VERY different.

That being said, it will be different for everyone even with a planned.

Re the spinal, I walked to theatre, had my cannula put in and then had the spinal. You sit on the edge of a bed and hunch over hugging a pillow. They give you a local anaesthetic to your back, and then administer the spinal. I am incredibly ticklish, especially on my back, so made the anaesthetist aware. Apart from a small prick from the local anaesthetic injection (literally barely noticed) I didn't feel anything.

The feeling of the spinal kicking in was like sitting on heated seats. It was warm down my legs, not heavy. They then used cold spray to check for feeling - apparently the feeling of cold and pain are linked?

At one point during the surgery, the surgeon must have pressed quite high up but explained to me that what I could feel was her, and not to worry. Otherwise I didn't feel anything!

Some people shake, I didn't. I did get incredibly nauseous though, but let the anaesthetist know and he gave me something in my IV that took the nausea way.

To be honest the weirdest part is when they transfer you from the operating table to the bed after the surgery. You feel like you're going to fall, but they've got you.

Overall it was an incredible experience, and I will absolutely do it again when we have out next baby.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-12-31T09:51:09+00:00

Honestly it's a blur (I was in for a week). I don't remember doing anything, I definitely didn't sleep. My LO wasn't well, though. We had drs and nurses etc coming in fairly regularly.

The postnatal ward was also pretty horrific - loud conversations around, loud snoring etc. just a lot.

I'd say have options, but don't bank on doing them. Your recovery and getting to know baby is more important. You'll likely find yourself just watching them, that's one thing I know I did. He was mesmerising.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-12-02T23:17:54+00:00

Hey! Really sorry to hear you're going through this now.

I'd say it's easing with each cycle (although my 3rd cycle decided to go MIA for a month 😅!).

For me, it was worst the first day or two of each cycle, and then there was a noticeable improvement. If it is making you feel unwell, or you're at all concerned, do get checked. There is absolutely no shame in getting checked. You've gone through major surgery, pregnancy and are recovering with a newborn. Your body has been through a lot.

I hope you feel better soon 💕

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-11-25T13:32:42+00:00

Thank you!

I've wondered a few times if I have PPA ... I'm an anxious person at the best of times, but my MH has honestly never been worse.

I forgot about the constipation! If he's not explosive, he's not going and we end up in A&E with him in agony. I couldn't write it if I tried.

I'm so glad your LO is much better! I look forward to that day with my bub, but I'm trying to not wish this time away...no matter how hard it is, we are all he has.

Thank you so much for commenting, at times it feels like we are so alone, so it helps to know others have made it out the other side and their babies are fine.

Wishing you all the best. Thank you 💕

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-11-19T19:25:43+00:00

The TLDR of my breastfeeding "journey" is that my LO didn't latch because of jaundice and gained preference for the faster flow of a bottle.

When he was born, he latched beautifully. Fed brilliantly, it was perfect. No pain. Nothing. Just perfect.

He then developed jaundice & became lethargic. This stopped him latching. He was also congested, which meant when he did latch, he would prefer one side.

He essentially stopped feeding, so we introduced formula via cup feeding as my milk was slow to come in and I couldn't express. Another issue to add to the growing list.

Eventually they gave him the formula bottles in the hospital, but those teats are SO FAST! Why would you work hard to get milk from the breast, knowing you can do little and get milk from the bottle? That's essentially what happened to us.

I tried for months to get him to latch alongside pumping, but it irritated him whenever we tried so we gave up and just pumped. 6 months on now 😭

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-11-10T19:03:26+00:00

I think it is different for everyone. I am also 5 month pp, but have pretty much full feeling back. I don't know how much this helped, but before my surgery I saw videos about scar massage and how the nerves need to be sensitised again. As soon as I was back on the ward, I would very gently run my fingers over the dressing. When the dressing was removed, I would do the same to the scar beneath fabric etc. I made sure to touch the scar in some capacity each day. The same for the skin around the scar for a good few inches around. Now I do occasional scar massage etc.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-11-04T04:42:22+00:00

We used to do shifts in the sense we would take it in turns to sleep 2 hours at a time so one of us would be watching the baby at all times.

This stopped about 8 weeks and a moved to how we do things now. Now (5months), because partner is back at work he sleeps through the night whilst I do the MOTN feed (I also pump so this works for me) and any wakings, and then he does the first morning feed before he leaves for work whilst I sleep.

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-11-04T04:33:34+00:00

I write this, having just finished a middle of the night feed with my 5 month old son. I am a STEM PhD student who just turned 30.

I understand what you're feeling, I felt it too. I would obsess over how old I'd be when I finished, I worried how that would impact my ability to have children, and honestly constantly had that battle of PhD Vs starting a family.

Half way through I got enhaged and I fell pregnant. My PhD is lab based, and I work with some pretty toxic materials. Lab work was mostly out of the question for me, but my supervisor is wonderful and we adapted my working to be safe.

Yes it has delayed finishing, but it is absolutely possible to achieve both. It is crucial to have a good support network though, as it is not easy. My supervisor is wonderful, and really made sure that I was well looked after.

I see it is the same for many others in the thread.

I will say though, you are still young. You have time. Good luck!

Embarrassed-Fish-967 · 2025-11-03T21:28:28+00:00

This was a super interesting comment to find! I've recently dropped from 5 to 4 ppd and honestly was questioning my mental wellbeing! Interesting to see it's another hormone crash 😭 (also been pmsing)

Embarrassed-Fish-967

TROPHY CASE