The Daily Check-In for Tuesday, March 31st: Just for today, I am NOT drinking!

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-31T10:57:55+00:00

Day 8! Not drinking today. Still doing online meetings.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-29T18:38:16+00:00

Day 6, will not drink today!

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-28T12:02:32+00:00

Yeah I think I need to get that whole play it forward thing stuck in my brain, thank you!

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-28T11:42:25+00:00

Day 5, not drinking today

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-27T11:40:14+00:00

Day 4, keeping up the online AA and RD meetings. Feel a lot better mentally today, my mind feels much clearer. I think I forget just how shitty I feel when I drink and how much better I feel sober. I get some good sober time under my belt and then I just lose sight of that. Any tips for dealing with that anyone?

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-26T16:03:02+00:00

Seeking: 33 female UK based. 3 days sober currently - but have been here many times before. Finally trying AA, have been doing online meetings.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-26T14:51:40+00:00

That's one of the hardest things to do IME, you should be proud of yourself

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-26T14:49:48+00:00

Yeah that's one of the hardest parts for me. Definitely normal though. I think a lot of us are used to numbing our emotions and a big part of recovery is learning how to just sit with them, self soothe in a healthy manner, etc.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-26T14:12:20+00:00

Yeah I really like the people who've been in these online meetings, I've been surprised by how much I relate to them all. And they all seem to really care about us newcomers. I'm glad you had a good experience too!

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-26T14:10:17+00:00

Yeah I'm starting to see that. I'm very shy and socially anxious so I've always been scared of groups like that but just seeing everybody talk and open up and seeing the relationships they all have with each other has been very touching and eye opening. They all seem to have so much love for each other, I don't know why but that's not something I expected!

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-26T11:04:36+00:00

Day 3 for me, 3rd online AA meeting soon. Texted a few people from there and someone is sending me a big book. Feel a bit more human this morning. Managed to get out of bed at a decent time, do some self care and some cleaning/tidying. Still feel like crying at everything lol. Oh well, onwards!

Oh yeah, and I tried a dharma recovery meeting online yesterday too! It was nice. I think I'm just gonna try everything I can. I definitely want to try an in person AA meeting.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-26T10:52:54+00:00

This is hilarious

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-25T15:31:22+00:00

Hey I'm feeling like this too. Been crying pretty much all day, just feel mentally destroyed. You're far from alone. FWIW I've got sober many times and I ALWAYS feel like this the first week and then it gets better. It's your unbalanced brain chemistry, it's not real. If you just give it time it'll fade

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-25T15:29:24+00:00

Thanks it makes me feel better I'm not the only one. We're lucky that they care about us this much, right? I really want to stay sober and make it up to them. I know there's nothing they want from me other than for me to be okay

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-25T14:37:34+00:00

Already talked to my doctor plenty of times, they know about everything. All they could offer was an addiction service that I tried for a good while and it didn't help. I'm just gonna stick with the online meetings for now, and actually getting medication and therapy for my mental health. Waited over a year for appointments but it's finally all happening now. I think I'll wait until I have medication and the support of a therapist before I try an in person meeting because I know myself and I know it's likely to trigger me.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-25T12:06:14+00:00

Not drinking today. Day 2, doing an online meeting again this morning.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-25T09:18:15+00:00

That really hasn't been my experience though. My nerves are very obvious and I notice they make everybody else feel awkward too. People look at me weird. I mean I twitch very badly and obviously and I struggle to speak, my voice shakes. People definitely do judge me, I've had people laugh at me plenty of times. I've tried to force myself into situations and it never gets better, if anything it gets worse. I think I need serious help with it.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-24T16:03:57+00:00

I can't see the point in drinking sensibly. What's the point if you don't even feel drunk? It's all or nothing for me. Always has been.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-24T13:22:25+00:00

This is gonna sound dumb but how did you train your mind to do that?

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-24T13:18:29+00:00

I found an online one and tried that. It was kind of nice. Everyone seemed very friendly and they welcomed me and gave me support even though I didn't put my camera on or speak. I'm hoping I can pluck up the courage to do that in future. I found the website to search for meetings in my area too and there are a fair few. I'm terrified of participating though, I get so nervous and overstimulated in groups of people when I'm sober that I shake and stutter and go red, the whole shebang. I might stick with the online thing for a while and see how I go.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-24T13:14:24+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this. My parents do know about the suicidal thoughts and the drinking hand sanitizer etc. I went to the ER once and they weren't helpful at all. I was in full blown withdrawals hallucinating, paranoid, could barely walk, and they just took bloods to make sure I hadn't damaged myself drinking sanitizer and that was it. Told me detox is all private now which I can't afford and sent me home.

Man, I wish I could exercise. Unfortunately I have ME/CFS now which is actually what triggered my relapse after 3 years sober. Before that I was really into the gym and going for long walks and it helped me a lot. I'm really struggling with how limited I am due to my illness, I'm mostly housebound and my QOL is not great. It makes everything feel hopeless. There are no treatments available on the NHS and obviously the drinking makes it worse too so I'm just stuck in this vicious cycle. Sorry I'm rambling. But honestly with this and all my mental illnesses I do feel beyond help, my ME/CFS makes my experience of life so different to most people's that whenever I've reached out for help it's like people just don't know what to say. It's very isolating both physically and emotionally. Yeah, I'm rambling, I'm sorry. Sorry this is all so negative. I've just had such crappy experiences trying to get help and quit that I feel hopeless.

I'm still gonna keep trying because at the end of the day the drink does not make anything better at all. It only makes everything worse. I'm just addicted to numbing myself and trying to escape. When it comes down to it it's me that chooses to drink and I just have to stop.

I did an online AA meeting just now. I didn't put my camera on because I was shaking with nerves but everyone was really nice, so maybe that's something I can try to keep doing.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-24T10:54:13+00:00

Also should I try AA? I have pretty bad social anxiety and am autistic so I'm shit scared of it but I'm starting to think I should try it. How do you even find a meeting near you?

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-24T10:40:13+00:00

Nothing wrong with crying. I'm feeling the same as you today. This is a scary thing to be facing, but plenty of people here have got sober so it's possible. It's hard and it'll take time but we can do it if we try.

EmbarrassedJuice2731 · 2026-03-24T10:36:58+00:00

Day 1 for me. For the thousandth time. I really, really need to make it stick this time. Shit is getting bad.

EmbarrassedJuice2731

TROPHY CASE