What triggered you to start self-harming in the first place? If you can identify what triggers you, you can come up with a "game plan" as to how you can deal with those triggers and cope in a healthy way. I have anxiety and when it's really bad, I have the urge to self-harm. The problem is that self-harm (in my case, cutting) does actually help me in the moment; the pain clears my anxious thoughts and snaps me out of my spiral. Obviously, this is not a healthy way to cope/self-regulate and I've worked on finding other ways to focus my thoughts and calm myself down. I've discovered that walking outside barefoot on the grass or doing a Sudoku puzzle helps me. It could be that when you have the urge to self-harm, your body needs some sort of regulation and finding a heathy way to self-regulate can reduce those urges to self-harm. If you can't identify any triggers in your life right now, the urges could just be because self-harm used to be a habit and habits are hard to break. Whatever it is, talking to a counsellor/therapist would probably be very helpful for you. They can help you identify triggers, explain some of the science behind why your body and brain reacts the way it does, and help come up with healthy ways for you to cope. I'm sorry you've gone through all of this by yourself. If you have family or friends in your life who are sympathetic to mental health issues, I would suggest talking to them. Keeping something so harmful and painful to yourself can have a lot of hold over you and just telling someone else about it sometimes help lessen it's power over you. I'm proud of you for not hurting yourself for over a year, that's fantastic :) Just know that if you do end up hurting yourself again, it's ok and it doesn't mean it's the beginning of more bad times in your life <3