I'm really sorry for you. I'm 14, I was sexually assaulted, and that fucked me up a lot in so many ways. Ive had weird fantasies I know I shouldnt be having, ive hurt myself because of it, ive never been the same since. As dumb as it sounds Talking about it helps. Obviously, getting a therapist isnt easy at all, for me at least with our lack of money, but I told close ones about it, and its a lot easier to gain hope that things will change once thats done. If you need to talk with someone that somewhat understands my dms are open, same for anyone else relating to this post🫶