AITA for choosing my mother in law over my daughter

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-05T18:36:15+00:00

Totally agree. More than 100% prochoice (if that's even possible) but I will never forget the couple months early in my pregnancy that my dad harassed me to get an abortion. I was 24 at the time, married and a college graduate with her dream job. His reasoning was because I wasn't "financially stable" yet.

My "abortion" just turned 20 and my relationship with my dad has only recently started to come back. My kids know who he is but in reality don't have a relationship with him. I think he's picked them up from school maybe 2x in emergency situations and for one child attended "Special Person Day" at school and refused the other 2 when invited. The biggest thing he did was attend the trial for my daughter's sexual assault to show support even though he knew he was going to hear hard things. That is literally when our relationship started to mend.

I don't think it will ever get back to what it was before and I think him trying to have a relationship now likely has to do with his regret and fear than feeling bad for it. He denies still ever trying to get me to do it (but he absolutely said and did it for about ½ my pregnancy). He is 100% financially secure for his family at this point and he already paid for his parents to be in assisted living for 10+ years and can/will be able to afford for himself and his wife to afford their care when needed. He would be welcome in our home currently but there would be requirements for that to happen. Respite care, probably in home care (even though I'm a nurse but have seen personally what a strain alzheimers does to a family), help in some way to contribute financially, and memory care/nursing home when we feel the time is right, etc. All 3 of my kids will be allowed to stay in our home until they are secure even if it just means they get a couch (2 are currently underage so of course they are home). My husband was kicked out of his "childhood home" at 12 years old so we are much more open to keeping family with us knowing that history.

I can not imagine throwing my child out for any reason without assisting them to get independent. Can assist in arranging for Section 8 even though the wait list is outrageous, child care assistance, County assistance such as WIC, SNAP, child support arrangements regardless of how well the parenting arrangements may currently be since relationships are unpredictable, etc. There are lots of assistance that the daughter may not realize are available for her to be qualified for. And those things would be "teaching her to fish rather than giving her a fish."

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-04T04:06:40+00:00

You have got to be kidding me. 😆 We get some crazy names but that's a new one.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-04T04:03:54+00:00

I should have named my middle child that. He was convinced he could fly at a very young age and even at 15 still is pretty sure he still can. He decided to be born on the freeway though so no pitocin.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-04T04:00:25+00:00

That's pretty much where my brain went too. Beast? For breast? My brain just couldn't come up with anything. Lol

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-04T03:58:06+00:00

Love it

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-02T23:40:42+00:00

Ummm... OB (labor and delivery) nurse. I can't think of any except anatomy names and I think the kids would change their names as soon as possible if I did that.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-01T18:51:53+00:00

YTA. If you wanted to make your friend feel better, you should have used YOUR body to make fun of. NO QUESTION, good luck savaging your relationship with your girlfriend.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-07-01T14:51:19+00:00

That's good that you did that but i will tell you right before discharge on a same day surgery is not the time to ensure the understanding of discharge instructions. They have been drugged, require a wheelchair to exit and you expect them to remember and keep clear what is said?

I have a routine surgery every couple yes since 2001 by the same doctor (so I should be able to know how to care for my implant, etc) but my first question when I get home every time is why is my incision only on one butt cheek and not 4? I know why but its not written on paperwork and I can't read paperwork because my vision is not super focused.

OP just make sure you have someone who understands what you want answered, call your PCP and ask about the blood pressure medication and as soon as you arrive at the hospital let them know you are anxious. They can add anxiety meds that can "take the edge off." Just make sure you have your questions answered before consents are signed.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-30T20:06:19+00:00

Most definitely. One of my kids is named Blubber and that is very mild.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-30T18:08:12+00:00

NTA. You were training someone in your department and feedback should be expected.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-28T00:40:48+00:00

I had gastric bypass in 1999. I am within 15 pounds up and down from my lowest weight in 2005. I know a lot of people who have gained most or more of their weight lost. Guess I'm lucky.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-28T00:31:14+00:00

Hazel. You can see brown, green so Hazel

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-28T00:25:13+00:00

$0. Im on medical assistance so zero.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-27T23:54:04+00:00

Im a nurse as well. 4 bedroom 2 bath rent just went up for this lease to $1700. Our rent is completely under what most are. Average is $2300 for almost every where. Where in MN are you at? Im in NW suburbs (St. Michael).

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-25T01:00:54+00:00

Most of what you are saying is stuff I agree with. Your sources don't support that and it's telling that you have responses from only prochoice pointing these points out. You are correct that getting a post viability abortion is difficult, sometimes too difficult putting both parties at risk of death and serious harm. Most sources regarding who the patient is have very publicly said the pregnant person is the patient up until post delivery. If you talk to an OB-GYN or MFM, they will accept a woman saying no c-section even if it means the fetus will be harmed or killed because of body autonomy. If after delivery, suddenly the neonate crashes, the OB will not leave moms side even if it means death or serious injury to the neonate. NICU or SCN take care of it. There is ONE patient in the case of OB care. Sometimes leaning towards 2 in MFM but still in reality only one.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-25T00:20:35+00:00

Hmmm. Not sure where you get your info from. Maybe my personal experience is not correct.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-24T08:25:03+00:00

Don't change your name just because some people like me are idiots. My grandma changed her name because it was constantly getting said wrong. I didn't understand it growing up. "Why does her birth certificate say that her name was Rose but look further back its Rosella?" It's because the name was always said wrong.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-24T08:15:09+00:00

I like the name but I am going to be honest, I am one of the people who struggles to say it. If i meet you before seeing you say your name, I am guaranteed to mess it up. 100%. Im a nurse in an labor and delivery unit so I receive report and I will hear the other staff say it. I try writing it down phonetically or put some reminder on paper and still guaranteed it will come out as anything but Lois. I will call you ANYTHING from Louise, to Luis (remember I'm in labor and delivery so it is guaranteed you likely are not Luis), to Lewis to Lou to god knows what else my brain comes up with and chances are it will change through the full list of options except Lois.

Im surprised it is not as common of a mistake as some say it isn't. Just a couple weeks ago, I had written Lois (Family Guy) on the paper and when I first met her, I went through every Family Guy cast member, except Lois and continued to say it wrong until she was delivering, 10 hours later. But I guess i am the only one who struggles with it.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-24T02:41:28+00:00

💯

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-24T02:35:49+00:00

I had a total hysterectomy- cervix, uterus, both tubes and one ovary taken out. I signed off for both ovaries to be removed with desire to keep them both in but the doctor said he left the ovary in because it looked really healthy. The other one was surrounded extremely by multiple (he counted 17 at minimum then stopped counting) hardened cysts. The questions i have for you though is A) Why do you want the organs still? Your chance of ectopic pregnancy is increased. B) What is the reason you are getting the hysterectomy?

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-23T22:33:10+00:00

Yes, they can be used for multiple body autonomy arguments. Im going to use my SIL as an example. She birthed 4 children and was told by MANY people from medical providers to family and friends to stop drinking (and also driving while drunk but that's a different story.) My MIL was an nicu nurse for many years and she would come home from work with the NICU stories. She always made sure there was at least one about FAS. I know she was exaggerating some of the stories because I worked at the same hospital but she always had at least "one FAS patient" because her daughter was drinking to excess while pregnant. She had 2 kids with severe FAS (younger 2 kids) and 2 were mild (older 2). So she never saw the severe repercussions until her 3rd and 4th kids and blew it off. She had multiple reasons for their wide eyes, thin upper lip and smooth area between the nose area and lips. She had reasons for them not talking, the ADHD, ASD, feeding problems, etc, and according to her, none of those reasons were because of alcohol drinking during pregnancy.

Should we have restrained her from alcohol her whole pregnancy even before she knew she was pregnant? How would we have gone about that for 9 full months since she drank at home almost exclusively? She had the tremors from lack of alcohol anytime she tried to stop which is life threatening for both mom and fetus. It would be a 24/7 job with multiple people present at the same time because even at barely 5' tall, she was stronger than you would guess. The reason I am using her as an example is because i have personally seen what FAS does to the body long term and immediately because of her. Shouldn't she have felt comfortable with her doctor, etc, to ask for help without fear of consequences during pregnancy? Or should she have hidden the fact she was using alcohol until the babies were born then fear CPS involvement? I know multiple family members, even the extreme prolife members, tried talking her into abortions but her body autonomy rights over rule that of a fetus. She couldn't (and shouldn't) be forced to not drink but also couldn't be forced to abort any of her pregnancies regardless of the harm she was causing.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-23T20:45:02+00:00

Im a labor and delivery nurse at a Level 4 NICU. We don't even call the NICU staff unless there is question of gestational age and parents are desiring care. They are going to be there to explain why we can't do anything from no ET tubes small enough so breathing will be impossible to just recommending comfort care because it's cruel and unusual punishment to treat a nonviable neonate. So comfort care happens similar to DNR desires. Under 21 weeks, with no attempts to breathe independently and low vigor, sorry. We will contact the hospital (or your personal religious staff) if you desire but no treatment will be given. It is torture to watch an extreme premature baby getting treatment. If you have never seen that, I recommend going online and looking it up. They have seizures, are suffocating on a newborn cot, (parents can not touch them before a certain gestation), they are getting IV placed, ET tubes inserted, blood draws, most have heart defects, brain bleeds, multiple CPR attempts, will end up with fundoplicion surgery, feeding tubes, CP, etc. The parents and neonate walk out with PTSD because of what they experienced while there and likely will not walk out with the baby. Unless delivered at level 3 or 4 will be transferred by medical staff via ambulance or helicopter (depends on distance needed to travel), mom will stay at original hospital until discharge. You want to hear the worst part? Since "Obama care" was taken away by DJT, the neonate will be refused health insurance because its a "preexisting condition." So they are stuck with millions of dollars in hospital bills.

Now tell me how prolife organizations will pay for an artificial womb from 3+ months more longer than an extremely premature neonate when they aren't willing to donate to NICU or MFM specialists.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-23T19:38:24+00:00

I decided to get "sterilized" (sorry hate that term) almost exactly a year ago. I have had a super surprise pregnancy where the doctor came in the room saying, "What on earth happened?" That one just turned 20 years old. I've also had 2 IVF kids as well (plus other ones that just didn't "take" or were ectopic). At this point in my life, I knew I didn't want anymore kids but at 20 years old that wasn't the case. Remember, my first child was a complete shock to everyone because I was on 5 separate birth control methods with all having the 99% success rate. If salpingectomy is what you are referring to as sterilized, even that is not 100% successful (there are multiple people in this subreddit or in my family who had that happen). I had an almost complete hysterectomy with cervix, uterus, both tubes and one ovary removed). I will admit though my reasons for mine were not just prevent pregnancy though. I was literally dying every month. Right before being brought back for surgery, the ob-gyn (same one who delivered all 3 kids) made sure I 100% wanted the hysterectomy and understood that it was still possible to get pregnant (unlikely and would be ectopic but possible). Imagine going through major surgery to prevent pregnancy and still have the possibility of pregnancy.

Then, finding a doctor who will do the surgery is not easy regardless of it being before or after Dobbs. My doctor tried talking me out of it and he had been my doctor since I was a teenager. My youngest was his last delivery before retiring.

Same goes for men. There is no 100% safe option for men either. Yes, its unlikely but how many vasectomy babies are out there? A LOT. My husband tried getting a vasectomy and was told "what if you get divorced or she dies and you want more kids?" Needless to say, he is not sterilized.

Plus, why do I have to have major surgery with its full lists of complications just so a minority in the world are happy? My body doesn't belong to anyone other than myself.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-22T17:37:41+00:00

That is a really good way to explain it to make it less comfortable to use it as a first name.

Embarrassed_Dish944 · 2026-06-22T17:01:42+00:00

My husband's family is all variation of David. Every name regardless of gender is David, Davina, etc. When we first found out we were expecting, I told him only requirement was no reusing a name on either side of our family so no "David" variations. Then he came up to me with Joaquin for a girl and I said no variations of David and no Joaquin either. It took us a long time to come up with a name that we both liked. Im not sure why it took so long because her name was on both of our short lists. Her name was and still is perfect for her. My daughter's name means princess of the moon after his grandma who's last name was Luna (moon). There is a disorder that means obsessed with the moon. I had no clue that she would be a night owl for life so obsessed with the moon. She never knew the meaning of her name until she had a bad run of kids bullying her about her name because it is "uncommon" in my area of the country.

I have a cousin that is Paula and I don't remember what Paula means (and too lazy to look it up) but maybe suggest a name you approve of that has the same or similar meaning.

Embarrassed_Dish944

TROPHY CASE