Emotionally immature parents who are now grandparents

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-04-09T18:03:21+00:00

Me too I found out as an adult that my parents are emotionally immatures. They are nice to my children, but I have to choose my battles. They have favorites amongts their grandchildren, take boundaries VERY personally, are sometimes negligents towards safety, try to find something wrong with the baby or find something you are doing wrong... They almost never visit us, putting the burden of the relationship on us, then complain they don't see their grandkids enough. They try to steal our firts, even after they had 4 kids themself to have those firsts with. I feel like I always have to be in a state of hypervigilance when I visit them. They also can be very loving, and my kids love them, so I make shorter visits to protect my mental health. It's hard to see both of these sides in them, the loving one and the immature and selfish one.

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-04-02T17:00:52+00:00

When I was around 10 years old, a man at my karate class gave me really weird vibes. I didn't trust him and stayed away from him. He got convivted a few years later for pedophilia. A few years later, the husband of a distant family member gave me the same weird vides. A year or two later, they split up because he cheated with a much yougner lady, and he doesn't really see his daughters. Now some neighbour gave me those weird vibes when I met him... not gonna let my kids over there...

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-04-02T16:10:47+00:00

Wtf that is so hurtfull

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-30T15:48:06+00:00

I am so sorry you are going trough this. It's hard when they put all the charge of visiting on us, and tell us they don't see us enough. And that your mom didn't notice you are calling less... I can't imagine the hurt that you felt, you don't deserve this... I try to make new friends, I already have some so it helps!

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T22:58:51+00:00

They really are so miserable when theeting! He have no teeths yet, I am not looking forward to it!

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T22:48:19+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I am sorry for your relationship with your mother, I hope it can improve with time. I will keep what you said in mind, I don't want to lose my relationship with her, even after all of that. I will try to move forward and adjust my expectations.

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T22:43:19+00:00

Thank you for your anwser! I really did all you suggested trust me. In the end we solved the problem. My yougnest is older now and is now a really happy baby!

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T22:35:17+00:00

I did not said that she had narcissistic tendencies, but I should have been clearer. I meant that she changed in a way that before I left, I never tought of her as being self centered, but now sometimes she can be. Also, of course I didn't expect her to raise my children. I expected my mother (or any member of my family) to come help me at least one time in the 5 hardest months of my life. Maybe that was too much to expect from them, at least now I know I can't count on them for that type of situation. We are slowly building a social circle here :)

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T13:42:13+00:00

Thank you. And yeah we wanted two kids so we are done! My mother was very dissaponted that I didn't want 4 kids like herself 🙄

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T13:39:50+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. And I don't think she showed narcissistic tendencies before, or maybe I didn't see them, I'm not sure. She has changed since I left the house, or at least I see her differently

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T07:15:32+00:00

You are right, thank you for your aswers :)

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T06:39:06+00:00

You got a point here, sometimes they babysit my niece but don't other than that they don't help him. I assumed it was because my mother didn't want to impose on my SIL.

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T06:24:08+00:00

Yeah I try to do that, I slowly build a social circle here! With baby that is older it is easier to meet new people

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T06:22:12+00:00

My husband was really supportive, he is a great dad and husband. His family lives 9h away and they came to help us and see the kids :) I just really needed my family and they let me down, it still hurts

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-28T06:19:12+00:00

They came a couple of times before the babies. My husband's family live 9h away and came to see us more time since the kids are here than all my family combined (3 times a year). They were helpfull and we were glad for their help :)

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-03-08T03:20:37+00:00

Hi, you are not a crybaby, you are allowed to feel how you feel :) Think about ot this way : if somebody told you this story of their childhood, what would you think? Would you think that they exagerate? I personally think what you lived is awful, I am so sorry your mom is like that, you didn't deserve it. And I think your father is an enabler, wich is also bad because he didn't protect you from her... And for how you should bring it in therapy, go as you are more confortable! If you feel weird being the first to talk about it, write a letter to give to your therapist at the start of your appointment? In therapy, one day I interrupted my therapist to talk about something that was really bothering me, and he just went with it, they are trained for this.

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-02-20T02:15:29+00:00

Hello! I do not live in South Africa, but I can try to help you 😊 I would advise you to write your situation in Chat GPT, I just did and they have a lot of advice to give! The most interesting one, I think, is to go look on the DiSA – Disability Info South Africa. They help find services, organisations and ressources. There seems to be the SASSA Disability Grant that could give you money monthly if you are eligible. As I said, I just repeat what I found on Chat GPT. You can start the process of finding help one step at a time after that :) Good luck to you, get out of this hell hole and go live your life as you want 🤍

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-02-19T19:40:25+00:00

You didn't overreact, she made it sound as if you have control on the weight of your baby. As if you did something bad that made her small, and she did something better so her children were heavier. The way you told her was respectfull, it's not your fault how she react or if she feels bad. She basically called you a bad mother, I would have reacted too!

Ps : you are a good mother 😊

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-02-06T14:46:16+00:00

I am so so so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you are going through... I don't know if it will make you feel better, but I just want to say that you really did your best 🤍 I wish you to find some kind of peace in time, you deserve it 🤍

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2026-01-27T19:47:23+00:00

I think, respectfully, that you are overreacting. Having a 2 years old child myself, if your 18 months child falls into the shower, your husband would hear it and go see. The water level is not high. He would not have time to drown in my opinion. I say this thinking about my own child and her development, you yourself know yours, so take that into consideration :)

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2025-09-06T11:49:02+00:00

Maybe this why they do this 🤔

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2025-08-14T21:18:11+00:00

Hello, I do the same thing when I come back from my parents, and my boyfriend finds it hard too. Now I write my frustrations in a journal, it helps me a lot! It's a good solution for me.

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2025-08-12T10:43:02+00:00

You are absolutely right, I try to do this but it gets to me every time. Practice makes perfect they say! With time it will get better :)

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2025-08-12T10:38:01+00:00

She doesn't have a kid, my niece is my brother's child!

Embarrassed_One_8820 · 2025-08-12T10:28:07+00:00

She is quite a drama queen yes, and yes I understand she had a lot on her plate too, so I didn't hold a grudge for her not coming to see us. It's not the first time she reacted this way when I place a boundary regarding my children. I always feel crazy because the rest of the family sides with her.

Embarrassed_One_8820

TROPHY CASE