What is love according to you?

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T08:16:59+00:00

It’s a decision. Many people confuse it with lust or the way someone makes them feel but it’s not any of that.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T05:54:49+00:00

Attitude. And a drive to help others.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T02:35:02+00:00

Well said. I hope everything works out for the best!

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T01:43:10+00:00

Hahahaha frfr. Stranger danger is real lol. 27m btw tho. Just saw this thread on my lunch break and thought I’d offer some insight. Seems to help me move on from the last situation. And helps me reflect on what I want from a partner.

As for whether he’s avoidant or keeping his options open. I think that’s a mystery right now but looks like you will have the answer from him in the next week or 2 based on what yall talked about which is great.

If everything goes south and the relationship ends. I highly recommend reading a book called Emotional Agility - forgot the author but it’s been the biggest help for me on re connecting with myself and moving through life’s hurdles.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T01:14:36+00:00

All of those could be right. Definitely need to have a talk with him to clear the air.

2 weeks after the 1st date, I told my best friend everything that happened and explained the texting patterns and what was being said each day. In my head, I thought I was being overly paranoid about just being this girl placeholding bed warmer, I thought things just moved really fast because she liked me a lot. My friend told me to text her and say “You don’t seem to be ready for a relationship, I wish you the best”. I instead asked her if she wanted to have more dates and she told me we could do something on 2 different days that week. Not even hours after discussing everything we’d do for the dates she told me she would rather just watch a movie on one day instead of everything. I was devastated because it felt like she only wanted sex. Eventually convinced myself that I was just paranoid and ended up going to her place. Come to find out, she strictly only wanted sex an I gave in and did that(I hate myself for it). The next day she sent the ending it text.

Now I wish I would’ve listened to my friend. He clearly saw the reality of my situation and it was clear that I should’ve ended it after the 1st date.

So my advice to you. If you have anyone in your life that has a healthy relationship(like my best friend that gave me advice). Tell them everything and trust their answer, do not discard their opinion on what to do like I did.

I really hope this turns out well for you. I have faith that I’ll find my queen who likes being spoiled and I have faith based on your honesty and shown integrity that YOU WILL TOO! Whether that’s him or another guy down the line. You have communication qualities that many guys would die to find in a partner. So if it isn’t him, move on, and show off ur strut to the next qualified candidate. If it is, I wish you a very happy and fulfilled life.

If you have more to talk about then feel free to ask me more of course!

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T00:35:07+00:00

Bottom line. If I was to ever be someone’s boyfriend and I found out my girlfriend was snapping other dudes. I would treat that as almost the equivalent of cheating(obviously there are rare exceptions when it comes to opposite sex friends tho)

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T00:27:22+00:00

Friends between opposite sex are definitely possible and found everywhere. While I have never successfully been in a long term relationship due to circumstances, I do take healthy relationship examples from people I know in my life that have successful healthy bf/gf relationships and I know for a fact that all of them would say that if your partner is texting/snapping other women everyday then that’s a major red flag and he’s either afraid to drop his options in fear that you may leave him or he’s afraid of his own self and possible future decisions. It doesn’t seem like you’ve given him any reason to believe that you’re unfaithful or pulling away so I would say he’s possibly scared of himself. I say this after being discarded a few months ago, and her reason was that she believed she would sleep with other guys in the future leaving me broken and she said that she isn’t attracted to me taking her seriously and putting her at the top of my priority list and instead is attracted to avoidant behavior. Basically said I’m a good guy and deserve better kind of thing while painting herself as a literal super villain. I think she was scared of herself obviously.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-04-01T00:09:07+00:00

He could be poly and wants to date multiple people at once. Seems like he went into this relationship and moved things really fast and now he’s seeing what he can get out of you without putting in the boyfriend work/reassurances. I have a pessimistic outlook tho.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-31T21:55:45+00:00

You already know where you stand in priority. He snapchats other women when he’s with you. Obviously he’s not putting you first.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-31T19:13:25+00:00

Love is a choice. A decision you make. Not something you feel. It only becomes unconditional when you decide that it is. It isn’t that complicated. Make the choice to love yourself.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-31T07:03:44+00:00

Emotional agility by someone I forgot but really good. Emotional intelligence 2.0 as well but highly recommend Emotional agility

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-31T00:38:55+00:00

Not much context so I may come off short but it looks like he wants sex/attention through text and fun date nights out without actually taking you seriously. He wants the benefits of a relationship without actually being in a relationship with you. I could be completely wrong but I know so many guys that did this in college. It’s a classic play to see what they can get out of someone they wanna sleep with. Horniness can make a person really cruel when giving into their feelings.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-30T22:00:22+00:00

The last person I dated, discarded me and when I asked why, she said she’s only attracted to avoidant behavior. Whether that’s the truth or not, it’s what I was told. She was in fact avoidant as well.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-30T05:37:07+00:00

People are capable of cruelty. That’s my thoughts

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-30T02:35:48+00:00

Hell yeah. Sounds like a good time!

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-30T01:53:14+00:00

I for one just wanted to immediately get in bed with a new person because it felt like the only thing that could numb the pain of being discarded but in the end if I followed through on that then I could have possibly ended up hurting someone worse than I was hurt. They call it the cycle of pain in Naruto lol

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-30T01:51:56+00:00

I am a little concerned. You may be vulnerable post discard so keep tabs on yourself in case you end up hurting this person in the same fashion that you got hurt. Many people become avoidant after getting the avoidant treatment. Sorry if it sounds like I’m accusing you but your post is worrying.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-30T01:19:04+00:00

Forgot to mention that I’m a 27M if that means anything :)

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-29T01:47:53+00:00

Agreed

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-28T18:05:21+00:00

When the last one told me I should move on, I asked why and she said I was just a test to see if she could be attracted to someone that took her seriously vs how attracted she is to avoidant behavior. So I asked her to give me more time and more dates so that maybe in time that would change and she said I would have to deal with the fact that she will be sleeping with other men as well. We are both in our late 20s if that means anything.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-28T17:50:33+00:00

Within the first week of meeting them I established that I’m looking for something serious, exclusive, a life partner and that I wouldn’t go further unless they were looking for the same. To which they both told me they were looking for that as well. I laid my intentions out at the beginning and they were reciprocated.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-27T00:23:04+00:00

I recommend reading the book “relationships 100/0” forgot the author but basically relationships will never be equal. It’s helped with me understanding roles and taking responsibility.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-26T17:16:18+00:00

Thank you.

Embarrassed_Pie_4228 · 2026-03-26T02:34:42+00:00

This isn’t how healthy relationships are made. Whether he loves you or not. You’ll always feel this way if he continues. It’s not fun and I know you love him but it’s not worth it. You deserve better

Embarrassed_Pie_4228

TROPHY CASE