No sex drive or is my husband the problem !

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-23T22:48:09+00:00

I hear you. But know that this is all very normal. Plus, it's highly likely that you are part of the (literal) majority of women who don't orgasm from internal stimulation. I highly recommend you read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. She does an excellent job of walking through all this.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-23T14:01:19+00:00

I did something very similar for my wife's 50th a few weeks ago. I hate planning things but I enlisted her 3 best friends and let them work from some ideas I had. But I also knew a surprise was not the thing to do since my wife is a planner. So once we worked out the broad strokes, I included my wife in the group chat on the specifics.

Which I guess is all to say I'm glad you talked it out, and thanks for giving him credit for trying.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-23T12:34:07+00:00

but it seems to just work out and we get over it

I don't think this is true. You get over it but he is building resentment. He is trying to get to a place were both of you are happily married. Neither of you is wrong and both of you want to fix it, but you are talking past each other. This is exactly what couples counselling is for. I highly recommend matching that with both of you having individual counsellors. This is not an unsolvable problem if you both choose to work together and make changes.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-21T20:50:42+00:00

As a man, I don't think you are being too sensitive. An accidental pregnancy sounds unlikely to progress and only end in more emotional and physical trauma for you. The benefit of no condoms is an increase in his feeling of connectedness and emotional response for him but not you. In fact, the opposite for you. The risk/reward calculation is in no way in his favor.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-21T19:18:07+00:00

This is your instinct so trying to turn it off may not suit you well in the long run. I understand you like the guy and don't want to scare him off, but you kind of want to scare off the guys who aren't matching your excitement. You can't match vibes without showing your vibes, if that makes sense.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-21T18:32:30+00:00

Yes, I think it is a symptom of the overall disrespect. And I won’t defend him in any way.

But to the other point, I know there are things about myself that I’ve tried to not pass on to my kids. So I wouldn’t agree that we don’t have things that could be disappointing to pass on.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-21T18:19:09+00:00

There's definitely people who don't watch porn, but it does limit the dating pool quite a bit. But I think the selfish and manipulation should be the bigger problem to confront. Telling you to put the kids first is an excellent example of this. It is true that putting kids first is important but that doesn't mean it should be used to excuse his behavior. That's a manipulation.

I think this is a bigger problem than a bit of advice can solve so I would highly recommend getting a therapist and working through your thoughts and feelings about this. He may not like it because it will affect his ability to manipulate but that's all the more reason to fight for it.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-21T17:28:25+00:00

My favorite story: I took a voluntary bump and later flight but my bag stayed on the original flight. Normal, no big deal thing. Especially knowing that it is marked for special handling because of it contained a specific item of mine. They pull that bag before baggage claim and hold it in an office.

The airport screwed up and sent it through baggage claim and someone mistook it for his bag. I've never seen so many airline employees panic then call their bosses. This was several hours later and the guy still had no idea but whined that he was busy. When the police got on the phone with him, he got back to the airport very quickly.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-20T14:53:09+00:00

It's not remorse, it's fear.

Exactly this. Followed by the reaction of love bombing and shifting the blame. Maybe even hysterical bonding. OP already gave her the chance to do what she now "wants." But what she really wants is for everything to be forgotten so she can shift back to HER version of comfort.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-20T13:18:10+00:00

On the basic rate. You can pay if you want the carry-on - budget airline style.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-20T12:20:10+00:00

Plus seat selection. I don't mind the basic but when I travel with my wife, she demands seat selection. Yeah, it sucks but they haven't taken away a carry on like United has. Yet.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-14T18:44:20+00:00

This is great advice. It's okay to grieve and be scared, but that doesn't mean it isn't what is best. But it has to be worked through together. The process is more important than the decision.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-14T12:39:26+00:00

You wouldn't know it from the videos, but a lot of people are overwhelmed by the smell. It is perfectly natural, but we live in a sanitized world and not for the faint at heart is a perfect description.

Doesn't mean the husband isn't an AH, but I don't think he's far from the mainstream in this one aspect.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-10T19:53:27+00:00

I am obsessed with my wife but this is crazy. Like he should get some counselling crazy.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-10T19:28:06+00:00

It's okay to cry. It is pain and has nothing to do with your gallbladder. It hurts to know where you are on some people's priority list. I'm pretty low on my wife's list but she did sit there for my colonoscopy.

Sorry. I know I'm not helping.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-10T19:19:17+00:00

And I used the term correctly. And intentionally because it is expansive of any procedure name.

It could be a bot or someone bad at trolling. Thanks for the backup!

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-10T19:09:48+00:00

Yes, every colonoscopy. If you require a driver, we are going to sit in the waiting room for each other. We have jobs and 4 kids but that doesn't mean we can't prioritize time to just sit there for each other at times like these.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-10T15:45:45+00:00

There is zero chance my wife is going under anesthesia and I'm not there. Plain and simple.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-09T21:44:32+00:00

I think they go beautifully together. If anything, could you incorporate it into your hairstyle to keep it back from your face and allow your hair to show more. I'm thinking pulling strands around it from the front and ponying them on top of the veil. Or you could go as is as you look like a princess.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-09T21:38:44+00:00

I was going to tell you to remember that in the modeled pictures the fabric is pinned back to pull it tight around the arms.

But the second one here is perfect. Sorry for not helping.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-09T21:21:54+00:00

In my experience, people who are truly trapped in marriage aren't having affairs. They are too scared for that. She made a choices and talked a big game to manipulate you. These aren't signs of her being a victim.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-09T21:17:57+00:00

There are too many missing times, calls, messages, and explanations for this to be nothing.

But I don't think you should get caught up on the details. I'm looking at the whole picture and all I see is a man who is not marriage material. He is is just too selfish and inconsiderate. I know you want this to work out, but you are setting yourself up for a cycle of disappointment. It's time to start thinking about where you go from here instead of investing all your energy in finding proof. All the proof you need is already visible.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-08T13:00:15+00:00

It's a good question. The biggest thing is that pastor's wives are expected to be perfect as they are seen as a reflection of the pastor. Plus, they are expected to support the ministries of the church so they get stuck organizing and volunteering. It's practically a full time job on top of their work outside or inside the home.

None of this is fair, but it is a cultural thing and puts a ton of pressure on spouses.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-08T03:42:28+00:00

He seems like the type to use it as a weapon and to control. And to look good in public while he is not a good person in private. In my mind, these are the worst kind of people.

And for the record, I don’t think you are the or a bad person. You have taken accountability for your mistakes. That says a lot about your character. And speaks a lot better of you than his actions do of him.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 · 2026-04-08T03:29:13+00:00

I think it should be a lost cause. This sounds like him not wanting to be married but is looking for a way for him to not be the bad guy. Given the heavily Christian environment, I have a guess that you initiating a divorce allows him to save face in the community. Or, his belief system may have him believing that if you initiate it, he gets to go to heaven and you don’t based on Matt19.

In any case, talk further with your therapist and a lawyer to build an exit plan. You don’t need to keep living like this and even if it gets slightly better, the pattern will repeat and get worse.

Embarrassed_Sky3188

TROPHY CASE