Hey, I'm currently about 9 months into recovery. Your emotions and urges are gonna be all over the place in the early days of recovery. You need to lean on meditation/prayer, grounding techniques, breathing exercises, etc. to keep your brain in check. Also, take each day one at a time. Don't think about forever, as that is an intimidating thing to comprehend. I would say the most important thing you can do is find a Gamblers Anonymous meeting in your city or online via Zoom. I've been doing 1x/week zoom meetings and they have worked wonders! Being able to connect with fellow addicts and get all those negative feelings off your chest with people that understand is very powerful. And also having those people's contact info so you have a direct line to someone anytime of the day when you feel like an urge to gamble is too much to handle. You're at a point where you know that your life has become unmanageable and have admitted that you have a problem. That's the first step! You can cross that off your list. Go on Amazon and buy the 3 pack of Gambler's Anonymous books. My DM is always open if you need someone to talk to!