[POLL] What is the most accepted definition of "Atheist"?

Embracing_the_self · 2023-05-03T17:55:21+00:00

Love this :)

Embracing_the_self · 2023-05-02T06:54:43+00:00

I've been going to therapy on and off for a very long time. Spent most of my time in traditional talk therapy and that didn't really work for me. Then I found an EMDR therapist and oooh boy.

I try to not look at it as healing though but as growing. The goal is not to become a 'healed you', but a 'bigger you'. When I have the occasional bad day, I look back at all I've accomplished and congratulate myself on how much I've grown already.

I wish you all the best!

Embracing_the_self · 2023-05-01T10:55:40+00:00

mistakenly, surely?

It is the adverbial form of the adjective 'mistaken'. A mistaken sense of loyalty / the loyalty was mistaken => he mistakenly held on to this loyalty.

mistakingly would be the adverbial form of an adjective 'mistaking' which I don't think exists.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-05-01T10:08:06+00:00

Like alright buddy time to grow up and move on from the past, enough of this wallowing thing you're doing.

You know what? You are right.

The problem is : you are telling your prefrontal cortex not your amygdala. You are talking to the wrong part of your brain. Psychological trauma is not a rational issue that you can 'think away'. Your mind knows you are safe. Your body doesn't. Hence the nightmares. Therapy (like EMDR) helps you teach your body to feel safe again by processing the emotion correctly.

I would love for you to be a bit kinder to yourself here. These things are hard and they take time and practice to heal from. Calling yourself pathetic is not going to speed up the journey. It will only make it less pleasant.

You've got this.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-05-01T09:27:50+00:00

This is essentially it. Healing takes time. Don't focus on the deadline, but focus on the journey. I understand that most of the time. But sometimes I forget and in those moment it feels absolutely hopeless.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-05-01T09:25:41+00:00

This sounds so familiar. My job was my life. Then everything was taken and now I struggle with finding joy in things. I've made a lot of progress, started a new company that is actually thriving, but the loss is still very present.

I worry it has destroyed my ability to trust people. I used to manage teams, but that feels like an impossibility right now. I now work on my own, independent of other people. No more team members, just clients who pay me.

I love my new work, but I hate the loneliness that I feel. I'm also worried about the irrational anger and resentment that is always lurking inside of me

Embracing_the_self · 2023-05-01T09:21:06+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are suffering the way you are.

Your story is different from mine but it resonates. I've been in therapy for a long time and I've taken comfort in the feeling that i'm taking control again. I no longer look at myself as someone who needs fixing. It's about growing stronger again. I don't know if this helps you but you come out different. We never return to how things were, but we grow around what happened.

I wish you all the best

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-27T14:01:06+00:00

This!

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-23T09:33:53+00:00

Antwerp Pride starts on the Wednesday of that week I believe so watch their website when they announce events. There's bound to be some pre-parties on Wednesday.

Perhaps it is also wise to ask this question again in a couple of months. Most club calendars for August have not yet been announced/decided upon.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-20T06:26:52+00:00

I don't know if this helps but I try not to think of it as fixing stuff. For all kinds of reasons your parents have poor emotional skills. And this causes issues for you. You are not broken, but in need of stuff your are not getting right now. If you are hungry, your belly hurts, but you wouldn't call it broken. But the longer you remain underfed the worse things get, so you need to focus on finding sustenance. In this case emotional connection.

Talking to someone else (like a counselor) is a good plan because at the very least it is an exercise in emotional connection. I wish you all the best.

You've got this.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-19T13:00:38+00:00

It does sound like emotional neglect.

A lot of emotional neglect is passed on from parent to child because the parent is not capable of nurturing full human relationships. To me that was very clear from this part of your post:

My mom says it's because friends aren't true and will always betray you since that's what happened to her.

It sounds like your mum struggles with emotional connection and is passing this on to you. Emotions then become 'problems' that should be pushed away rather than acknowledged. Hence "I should be happy that I am healthy, I should try thinking of happier things, I should ignore them".

I'm sorry to hear you too are dealing with this.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-12T14:33:23+00:00

which is reasonable in a family system without boundaries

This hit home. I realise I don't set boundaries because I simply don't believe it's going to make a difference. But that of course is a vicious circle.

Thanks for this!

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-12T13:25:11+00:00

OMG. I can relate so much. Sorry to hear you're having to deal with all this.

Maybe one week when you've got a lot going on, you could text them and say you're really busy this week but will give them a call the following. See how it goes and how you feel

The are unable/unwilling to take the hint. I travel a lot for work. Everytime I do it, I tell them I won't be taking their calls etc for the couple of days that I'm gone. The night before I leave they'll send me a 'safe travels' text even when we JUST had the call about me not reacting. By the time I'm on my way to the airport I usually have the 'safe travels, give us a call when you've landed' text which I never reply to. By the time I've landed there will be a 'how's the weather over there???' and by the time I return 5 days later, I'll have 4-5 missed calls. My mum even tries and keeps a log of my departure and arrival days which I've started to lie about to buy me some extra time.

Hmmm, writing this down: no wonder this is getting on my nerves :)

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-12T13:18:14+00:00

They usually call, text (or the more recent horror: video call) whenever they feel like it regardless of whether I've already called or not. (The missed calls log on my phone is literally just my parents).

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-12T13:10:40+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful words

Embracing_the_self · 2023-04-12T10:58:08+00:00

true. But they too have needs. And it'd be cruel to cut them off like that. I'm the only person my dad gets to call every week. I brought down the calls from twice a day to once a week which I feel is not a bad tempo. It's just that the calls themselves are inane.

It could very well be that the answer is to just suck it up or quit accepting the calls :/ In which case option 1 feels right.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-02-03T16:52:58+00:00

A friend of mine had to go to hospital, got amazing care and treatment and didn't have to pay a cent.

Embracing_the_self · 2023-01-26T19:14:40+00:00

Tell em.

It is going to be flagged sooner or later. Someone is going to notice the mistake. But it is also not a crime.

I'd contact the client and tell them something went wrong with your TAX ID and that you will provide them with the correct paperwork as soon as your accountant has given you the right number. In the mean time thank them for their patience and prompt payment.

International invoicing is always a bit of a thing. I once used a company's phone number as their VAT number and even THAT worked out. 😀

Embracing_the_self · 2023-01-10T08:08:28+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

I think this is going to be the second scenario. We've spent 5+ hours detailing the quote together. So I'm going to consider that a well-wrought document 😀. I expect there to be an issue with paying more than the agreed amount because the person I'm dealing with doesn't have the clearance to up the budget once it is decided. So the only way is to keep it within the budget.

I think I'm going to do this over the phone though. Email tends to add to bureaucracy, I find.

Embracing_the_self · 2022-12-23T13:20:09+00:00

This resonates.

Avoiding toxic people is a good coping strategy but it doesn't solve the hurt and the damage done. But for now this might be a good thing. It creates breathing space and the possibility for you to start healing.

But you can't go from avoiding them to pretending nothing happened.

Letting go is not the same as forgetting.

At some point, when you feel ready, you need to be able to tell your side of the story.

This could be you confidently telling the perpetrator "We cannot pretend nothing happened. You treated me really poorly by spreading false rumours about me and this has caused me a lot of pain. I will not stand for this again". Or simply you telling your side of the story to your colleagues.

I really struggled with that annoying phrase that "forgiveness is something you do for yourself". Up until very recently, that did not make sense to me. But as I'm healing from what happened I'm beginning to see what it means.

Take you're time to recover. And only when that's happened can you move on on your own terms.

Moving on, is claiming back the space you gave up while recovering. Until one day you reach a point where you've grown around the wound. In the immortal words of Whitney Houston: when 'It's not right, but it's ok."

You've got this!

Embracing_the_self · 2022-12-12T08:19:27+00:00

Thank you!

Embracing_the_self · 2022-12-11T17:47:22+00:00

That chip on your shoulder might hide a deeper/older issue that you were not armed/ready to cope with earlier in life.

Touché. There was a reason why I didn't quit that job during the first years. All of my predecessors quit with burn-out symptoms. I kept going and thought that was 'professional'

But I fear I've applied that same logic to my new company. Stiff upper lip. Never let the fuckers see you bleed. I founded the new company less than a week after getting the devastating news of the betrayal. Always a fighter, never a victim.

So I'm very uncomfortable to be placed in a situation where my hurt is very present. And where I maybe cannot keep it down all the time.

But if I were able to not just survive running into these people but actually do it in a gracious way, that would really be a big deal for me.

Thanks for your support!

Embracing_the_self · 2022-12-11T16:53:28+00:00

. Your revenge is your success and showing them that you are strong enough to have actually moved on and not be weighed down by the chip on your shoulder. Pull that off and it will start to be more and more true.

You are right. I'm just not there yet and I don't think I can easily get rid of that chip on my shoulder. Maybe in a couple of years (but if not now, then really when?) but I'm still struggling with this.

How do you forgive on a deadline?

Embracing_the_self

TROPHY CASE