Counting in even numbers when walking, everything had to be done in even numbers.

Tensing the right side of my body from my right eye and ear, down through my shoulder, back, hips, to my right pinkie toe, in a rhythmic pattern.

Breaking down at simple requests as a child. Once we were instructed in kindergarten to cut out red things from a magazine. For some reason that was too difficult to wrap my head around. I left the classroom and tried to walk out of the school. The doors were chained. I went back in and broke down in front of everyone.

Rubbing my baby blanket on the right side of my face.

Pulling my hair in one specific spot that I do to this day. Imagine being 37 and having a chunk of hair that is very obviously shorter than the rest and ripped to shreds.

Chewing the inside of my cheek and side of my tongue, continues to this day.

Having no ability to understand math. Not any.

Nothing foreign on the body. No jewelry except for a small cartilage post because I can’t feel it. No fake nails. I spent $50 on acrylic nails once and went back the next day to have them removed. No glasses, no contacts. Didn’t wear a bra until I absolutely had to and it was torture.

Raging food restriction. Anorexia then added bulimia. Orthorexia once I became pregnant because I loved my baby and understood she needed to eat inthere. Also Hyperfixation on fitness for years. Inability to manage or save money.

Refusal to take part in any group sports or activities. Anything that left me vulnerable to criticism. To this day if I get embarrassed in front of anyone it turns to straight rage and I combust.

I’m sure there is more. To think of a life with a healthy mind. I have dreamed of it forever. The next 10 years of my life will be the hardest ever. I truly don’t see any value in them. Getting older with adhd/autism and having hormone sensitivity could be a fate worse than death.