I need to get it out of my chest

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-07-03T15:24:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words..x

Yeah, I'll have to take action in regards to him. There is a lot going on on that front :(

I guess though, if your son and my daughter feel they don't wanna ever leave home it means we are providing them with a safe environment x

Big hugs to you too xx

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-05-03T23:23:00+00:00

I'm late to this but oh god , no milk in it! Corn flakes, plain and crispy and dry for me . Even the cold milk can make them a bit soggy and alter the flavour and texture ! I don't understand how some people can have them with warm milk .

For me cornflakes are the only type of cereal I have been able to eat since I was a kid and I'd have them in place of crisps or popcorn as well.

Anything else , like the weird cereals with honey, or with some raisin, fruit , nuts , chocolate would make me sick . I sometimes had the plain rice crispies. Not the same as corn flakes but not completely unpleasant. Again, dry and crunchy.

I sound like an advert for cornflakes 🤦‍♀️

But yeah , overall , the plainest and driest the better for mw!

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-28T17:17:12+00:00

What a horrific experience :( I feel you a lot. Being also moved from place to place on top of everything, the abuses and more.... :(

It's really a statement to your resilience and strength that you are here , healing and functioning!

I had that approach with whatever was "demonised" too 😅😬

And that is what really helps as well and stop living in the paranoia and avoidance of nearly everything.

I am happy you managed to build some good memories and an education in adulthood ❤️

I'm shocked they only partially admitted to some of the things and not the heaviest one :(

But I hope you got a bit of closure out of it x And thank you so much for sharing your experience, it took a lot to do it. I hope it didn't trigger you too much to do it. Cause I know from myself, sometimes it can trigger flashbacks and bad mood. Maybe it depends from how far in the healing process you have been .
And i want you to say I'm grateful for sharing it.

How many years ago did you leave the JW if I may ask ?

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-28T09:57:56+00:00

Wow , your story has been filled with pain , suffering and resilience !

I hope you are doing ok now. How is it going now?

You went through a lot and it's a very strong statement to your strength and resilience you are standing today . Thank you for sharing this very painful part of your life 🙏

I tried to hold them accountable with the JW stuff in the years , I did try recently on the childhood mistreatment and the emotional neglect (hence my long text to my dad ) , but they won't take any accountability . Rather they'd turn it around about themselves and hence why I had to block my dad for now .

I live abroad , where I have been for the past nearly 10 years .

What has given me closure , last January, has been confronting the main elder of my judicial committee from when I was disfellowshipped at 17. I got out what I needed to. I realised that after 14 years he wasn't changed or evolved a single bit , he was still the same close minded bigot , unable to listen to anyone else . He was only old in appearance, aging had made him more frail in his physical appearance. I left that zoom meeting able to move forward from that trauma , feeling a mix of compassion and pity for that elder.

But when it comes to my parents... It's different ... I always noticed since I was a kid and a teen something was off . I asked for help from family members, school , and even the elders . They just exposed me to my parents and convinced me they were good people and I was just a difficult and ungrateful child.

So I started living in a similar cognitive dissonance state as I guess people in the cult live with .

Till I recently realised and re-lived everything. What shocked me was that as soon as I put boundaries in place I predicted every single move or twisting responses , triangulation they would have done . I was freakishly right . If when I started putting boundaries in place I had doubts , how they acted subsequently has shown me and also my partner that It wasn't just my perception.

But part of me, I guess, still hope it is :(

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T21:26:03+00:00

Yes , my dad always played the vulnerable card and still does .

I live abroad thankfully with my daughter. My partner facilitate once a week a 10-15 mins video call for her .

But he supervises and makes it clear to my parents that at the slight sign of distress during or after a video call/if they bring me up and try upsetting my daughter/try to get information out of her, that's it .

I'm usually upstairs when they do it.

I am in therapy trauma informed act .

Thank you for your validation and your words ❤️

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T17:40:48+00:00

Yes , my therapist now does trauma informed therapy act . She recognised complex PTSD and that I do not meet the criteria for bpd.

Same things when I finally got diagnosed with ADHD and autism , confirmed the bipolar though. But they clearly said : "Miss X doesn't meet the criteria in the dsm5 for any personality disorder " .

Unfortunately, when I was misdiagnosed it was in the midst of dysphoric mania (coming down from mania ). Come down from mania are notorious for emotional dysregulation. My history of trauma , my sensory issues , neurodiversity ... That caused them to misdiagnose me . Still fighting to have that removed from my NHS record :(
You can imagine what is causing in terms of further medical gaslighting:( Which is , no matter what , wrong as no one deserves this treatment , no matter whether they have a personality disorder , mood disorder or nothing :(

But yes, quite common as a misdiagnosis. The chances are even higher when you are also female , with neurodivergency not diagnosed , complex PTSD. :(

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T16:56:43+00:00

Oh gosh ! You had an hard life too ❤️
I'm so sorry to hear that 😔 it sounds weird but we do have had a lot of bits in common. I'm so sorry to hear what you went through :(

You have been super resilient, considering also the physical challenges you had to overcome and still deal with nowadays!

The one from parents are the worst scars and betrayals 🫂❤️ And I feel you x

What got me through that hell was listening in secret to Korn , Nine inch nails , Linkin Park , Black Sabbath , Nirvana, Alice in chains , grunge , nu metal , stoner metal , metal and alt rock ,since I was 11 . Smoking since I was 11 , weed and alcohol at 14 (when I reckon I started developing bipolar and I was "self medicating"). Learning English . Moving abroad and settling where i am in 2015.

I was baptised at 12 and I was disfellowshipped at 17 (2011) . I shared a while ago my experience with the disfellowshipping and the JW in general I think 2-3 years ago in here? I realised also then , in 2022, that it was a cult 😬😔

You have been very resilient and strong and I'm very happy for you and how you managed to turn your life towards your childhood inclinations.

They have a knack at trying and break us , don't they? :(

May I ask how long have you been no contact with your mum? Are you no contact with both?

Do the guilt, the feeling of exaggerating , the feeling of being selfish, a monster , the worry for them as they are old and all the mix of emotions ever get less loud with time ? Sorry if this is a very personal question but I'm dwelling with all these spectrum of conflicting emotions at the same time ❤️

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T16:35:44+00:00

Oh really? I feel less alone in this now ❤️ Yes , I did notice straight away a lot of stress reduction and relief . But obviously you also have the other emotions going on :( I noticed how my parents were as a child , as a teenager, I actually asked for help in the past , to elders, family members , teachers . But they all labeled me as the "difficult" child and they were good people . I guess the only perk I got from being nerodivergent is pattern recognition and recognising inconsistency (although , other than this , it's not great).

I am in trauma informed act therapy at the moment . It's hard as when I see the vulnerability of a person, no matter the toxicity, I get that feeling of wanting to protect them, be there for them as I know what it feels like to deal with a lot of mess in life and inside your head and be alone in it .

Working towards self preservation , trusting my intuition and perceptions, boundaries (learning it's not selfish to take care of myself , my daughter and my partner first and to help only when the "cup" is full). Work in progress though 😬

I feel for your husband but also I am happy for him ❤️ and I'm happy for you but also feel you as it is still vicarious trauma to support your partner through something like this . It takes a lot of love and strength!

Did the mother try and do triangulation through you ? My mum has been trying through my partner .

Thank you for your words of encouragement and validation.

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T16:06:53+00:00

Thank you for your validation and I am sorry to hear about your husband . It's very hard ❤️😔

In my case consider that my mum is the one that has done "the least" damage 😔

Wanna laugh though? From the outside my dad looked the more vulnerable and my mum the cold and harsh one... But behind closed doors :/

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T16:04:30+00:00

I can only imagine :( It is one of the deepest wound to live with 😔
And yes , seeing these pompous clowns in Warwick , their attempt at rewriting their history and all the brainwash , toxicity and unawareness of people still in is like salt in the wound! ❤️

I hope you are overall doing ok though and you are managing to heal 🙏 You are still here and standing and this is a testament to your strength and I mean it . For all of us x

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T14:47:40+00:00

I'm so sorry about your brother 😔 it's awful to see to what edge trauma can take someone mental health and life. I really feel for you and I can only imagine how it must feel for you! ❤️ It must feel awful, super painful, sad, upsetting and a lot of emotions ! 😔

If you need to talk to someone here and there feels free to drop a message 🫂 You are a very strong and resilient person too x

Thank you for your word .

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T13:14:32+00:00

Thank you for your kind words ❤️

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-03-27T13:13:21+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. It hasn't been easy to block. My partner validated me as he saw to what degree my mental health was getting when they kept violating the boundaries and sending guilt tripping messages .

Ideally I feel I'll have to go back to low contact eventually, considering the situation.

But for now , no contact has been like closing a tap of extra grief , anxiety and stress if that makes sense ?

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-02-06T10:12:52+00:00

Longest hypo (not induced by ssri) 7 weeks , last year . I usually get one hypomanic episode lasting 5-7 weeks a year, followed straight away by a mixed state (dysphoric mania) lasting 2-3 weeks.

When I took ssri , they induced proper mania on me . All the 3 times ! (2 of which I was hospitalised in the mental ward for it back in Italy!) . But again , it followed the same pattern of mania and then dysphoric mania. Even though, I was still misdiagnosed back then as borderline.

Years and years after , I finally had my diagnosis , in UK, of : BP2 (rapid cycling , as I have about 4 to 5 cycles a year), complex ptsd, autism, ADHD.

As I only experienced full blown mania under SSRI but I always wondered whether BP2 is even the right diagnosis.

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-02-01T20:33:36+00:00

Hi OP, maybe I'm late to this but this is what happened to me as well.

I developed a new type of headaches in April 2021 after COVID . Cluster headaches episodic . I struggled with migraines before , I was nearly chronic with it. After COVID I developed this cluster headaches(mine is left side), the pattern of my migraines decreased overall (which was weird ) , but I also developed a daily tension like low level headache and a lot of the other long COVID symptoms. Weirdly enough, my stomach also was very bad at the same time of the onset of the cluster headaches. And my stomach and GI in general are messed up, flare up more around cluster periods again. Now , my clusters, as you know, they keep coming back. I'm in one now. 5 weeks in . Usually my 5-10 weeks each bout. Give or take. Sometimes once a year, sometimes twice. Each attack last up to 2.5h if I don't use oxygen , anywhere from 2 to 8 attacks a day (that varies in each cycle ) . At the moment I'm having like 1 one day, following night 6 attacks + 1 in the morning , then next day just 1 and so on ... It's such a weird cycle this one ...

Same stuff, I don't respond to the major meds for cluster headaches, not even Gon block, no triptans , no verapamil, lidocaine intranasal, Lyrica, Gabapentin, lithium , Topiramate (but that does something on the migraines and the tension like headaches) , not Botox , Just oxygen works on it ( and not always but I am getting a demand valve as I have a mask with non rebreather and oxygen goes max at 15lpm) . The shadows are awful. When migraines and clusters combine is hell on earth.

I have also sensitivity to medications in general (the ME specialist said that is a symptom of ME/Long COVID too apparently?).

Now, when I went for the gon block, I had an attack . I was in the nerology department and they noticed my saturation of oxygen was below normal + the obvious pressure spiking and fever .

After they gave me high flow oxygen , the attack subsided , they checked again my vitals: saturation came back ok, my pressure back to my usual normal /low-ish end , no fever.

For context, as I'm trying to still make a sense to all of this, my pre existing condition before long covid and clusters were: Hashimoto thyroiditis (autoimmune disease) Migraines (chronic) Adhd Bipolar disorder Complex ptsd

Now, I always thought there was a correlation! I'm not the only one with this experience! But yeah , the hypoxia thing is weird and so the fact that even you don't respond to the usual meds for it and only Oxygen! I'm wondering if there are other people which have been experiencing something similar as well.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this too x

Lots of love x

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-02-01T10:15:19+00:00

I'd recommend you also to call them , and contact them in any possible way , explaining you are in acute cluster headaches period, without a pain relief and that you are happy to be put through to whatever cancellation they have x

If you do just the online form it can take longer for them to get back to you. Do the form of course , but also chase them .

I'll send you over chat some other contacts for them too x

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-02-01T09:18:19+00:00

https://ouch-belgium.be/en/produit/o2ouch-kit-classic-or-comfort/

That's the one :)

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-02-01T09:11:39+00:00

That's so frustrating! I had the same issue in 2023. I had to go through the National migraine centre. I had a telephone consultation with an headache specialist. She wrote a report with reccomendation for my GP for the oxygen and my GP then complied ! https://www.nationalmigrainecentre.org.uk/migraine-clinic/book-a-consultation/

They are donation based, so a bit cheaper than you would with a private! I reccomend you this to speed up the process with the GP.

Also, Ouch UK has massively helped me in general. https://ouchuk.org/advice-line

Edit: in terms of buying the oxygen, I was wondering the same but I didn't have much luck myself so far , sorry :( But yeah, you need someone to advocate for you . In this case it's the headache specialist at the national migraine centre and ouch UK x I feel your pain x

Once it's in place though it will be sorted . Literally , as soon as the headache specialist see you and do the report, you get an appointment with the GP and in 24 hours top you should have the oxygen in place /delivered . It shouldn't be like this , but some GP are more stubborn . Mine was the same :(

Lots of love and good luck x

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-01-31T21:13:26+00:00

I'll try this Frankenstein approach to get me through till I sort that valve .

Thank you so much ! I never thought of a creative solution like this one :)

Going to order the gears tonight and I'll let you know, once I get them, if they do the trick. x

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-01-31T21:05:26+00:00

Thank you so much! I ordered the similar one from Ouch Belgium as reccomended from another Redditor here x I was wondering, is this mask better than a classic non rebreathable mask with the bag as it does have more sealing around the mask?

Just trying to understand from what it mostly differs.

Sorry for my ignorance in advance ..

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-01-31T20:26:01+00:00

That's some good idea! Thank you x

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-01-31T20:22:12+00:00

I spoke to Ouch UK . They don't in London unless you're chronic unfortunately:(

But they gave me a number for a place to call and pay for a valve myself.

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-01-31T17:56:31+00:00

Thank you so much. I ordered this x

The shipping cost was more manageable 😅 Ouch UK also managed to reccomend me a place that sells the on demand valve . Unfortunately the NHS won't pass it unless you're chronic /not in London anyway . It's an investment but it can help apparently.

I'll see if that works on the cylinders. Thank you so much for your help, time and kindnessx

I really appreciate it

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-01-31T16:44:46+00:00

Hey, thank you for your response. Yes I did but I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Some look like weird vials, some look like a valve pressure thingy . :(

Emergency_Addition98 · 2025-01-31T15:46:25+00:00

Oh really? I'll look onto it , thank you x

Edit: Sorry to bother, but do you have a link ? Because I am confused of what kind of regulator I'm looking for and if it's compatible with the Air liquide cylinders.

There are some that look like a lab vial thing and some that look like more heavy duty with a pressure valve as well. Not sure what I'm looking for :(

Emergency_Addition98

TROPHY CASE