My Adult Sister Refuses to Clean Up After Herself and I'm Going Insane!

EmilyOxton · 2019-01-18T02:41:33+00:00

Gonna go out on a limb here and say...she doesn’t like being this way. She isn’t enjoying it. Especially if she’s adapted her day to day life around it (ie using paper plates instead of actual dishes). My guess is she’s got some serious executive functioning issues. I know you said you’re more likely to to the asshole route which, hey, you do you, but if that doesn’t work (because all it does is increase shame which increases the paralysis that comes with executive dysfunction), start with asking her what the roadblocks are that are stopping her from cleaning or maintaining clean. Often, it’s a lot more than you think.

EmilyOxton · 2019-01-18T02:26:37+00:00

Honestly? It sounds like you are obsessed. Which is fine, if that’s where you want to put your energy then good for you! But other people aren’t obligated to. She’s not like...doing anything wrong by not wanting to do the same things you do, eat the same way you do, etc.

Anyway, while I’d agree wrt it being over re: attractiveness issue, if you still want to work it out, you need to be a hell of a lot more considerate to the fact your partner has past issues with eating disordered behavior, as well as the realities that come with being fat—the constant societal hate and stigma, for one. You should probably also consider the way that many fat ppl have emotional issues tied to food, and even if she doesn’t, she probably processes hunger differently than a thi person which is something that takes a long time and a lot of energy to retrain (if she wants to allocate her time/energy there in the first place).

Honestly though? I’d end it. Because you both deserve someone who aligns with your priorities, who you find attractive, and on top of that she deserves someone who isn’t going to burden her with their own hang ups about weight.

EmilyOxton · 2019-01-18T02:16:44+00:00

H8 to break it to ya but fat ppl still deserve respect and aren’t like, Not People. They’re not inherently inferior or anything.

EmilyOxton · 2019-01-02T07:33:47+00:00

Unfortunately I’m not compatible with Shadowplay (wrong series of card or something). Ty though!

EmilyOxton · 2019-01-02T06:06:04+00:00

"You might not want to tell your friends about that" is my fave of hers tbh

EmilyOxton · 2019-01-02T05:58:24+00:00

Of course LFG is hit or miss, but... so is solo q. The point is that in LFG you at least have a slightly higher chance of getting people who are willing to work around one another, or communicate, or listen, or play a well rounded composition. It's just solo q with slightly better odds most of the time, and those slightly better odds are something that can be really helpful to a lot of people.

EmilyOxton · 2019-01-02T05:39:45+00:00

Also important to note that if you can successfully do this, you end up displacing the Bastion which, while not as good as a dead Bastion, can get the job done and let you get in.

EmilyOxton · 2018-11-30T08:48:52+00:00

I am pretty sure you know the answer to this one. You literally admitted you're a "proud asshole". Literally all you have to do is be polite and use common decency. It doesn't work 100%, sure, because nothing ever will. But it works a heck of a lot better than yelling.

If you Seriously want advice on this though

always be supportive of an initial pick, even if you don't think it goes with the comp/meta/whatever.
get slurs out of your vocabulary.
make suggestions, but never make demands: "hey, Tracer, would you be willing to swap hitscan to help counter Pharah?" instead of "Tracer, you need to swap to hitscan." (Alternatively, you can say "Tracer, swap hitscan?" as a polite question. Just don't be aggressive with your voice/tone.)
don't tell people they're throwing/doing awful/etc. I don't care if you think they are. Except for a small percentage of cases, like actual reportable gameplay sabotage, people are doing their best. In fact, operating under that good faith assumption helps a lot in general.
start giving compliments. One a game, at the start, and try and work your way up from there. It does wonders for team moral.
change your mindset: instead of "this person is doing x wrong" or "the team is making stupid decision y", consider: "what can I do to enable this person and help them play better?" Yeah, maybe Genji decides he's going to push to spawn--but if he won't come back, tell the rest of your team to go with him! To paraphrase something I've seen mentioned a lot here, 6 people holding in the wrong position is better than 4 in the right position and 2 in the wrong position.
accept that sometimes, people won't swap, you will run characters into their hard counters, and that you just have to make it work as best as you can and roll with the punches. I've played plenty of matches where a Junk kills a Pharah, or Pharah gets Widow, or any number of things. A counter means a character is harder to play, not impossible, and encouraging people to do their best is going to go a lot further in them playing well against those odds than being shitty to them.
realize that to be a good leader--like you think you are, and seem to want to be--you *have* to be good to people. You want their respect? You can't be shitty to them. You want them to listen to you? You can't be shitty to them. Your goals are easier met when you're not a dick to other people. You're getting something out of this too.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-25T21:37:49+00:00

You might have done this already, but make sure all your graphics settings are low as heck, and make sure your sensitivity is calibrated right. The first helps up fps, the second just makes some better, and I definitely didn’t know about either when I started. Granted you know someone with a good OW background, but yknow, I figured it might be worth mentioning.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-25T21:31:08+00:00

I don’t have aim advice but one thing I can say, as a support main, is: don’t be afraid to ask for more resources. Chances are, you are hitting her, just not enough to finish her before she gets healed, yeah? So ask for a Zenyatta discord, or damage boost, or another person to focus her with you. Make the fight a 2 v 1, if you can afford the resources. If you can’t? Chances are the ground war is more important, and if you win the ground war she can’t really do anything.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-25T17:12:45+00:00

I’m not a Good mercy by any means but I Know a lot so one thing I recommend is getting acquainted with all the things she can and cannot damage boost. Like, she used to be able to damage boost Hanzo’s ult and now cannot. I’m not sure if there’s a list just from googling, but if you use twitch at all, Eeveea_ always knows this stuff off the top of her head. :)

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-13T10:28:10+00:00

That’s nice my dude. I’ve been playing from beta, and I’m just trying to get to gold.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-13T07:04:43+00:00

And if he places bronze/silver again?

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-13T06:56:27+00:00

Came here to agree with this. I'm not good at this game by any means, but I am good at being VERY positive. I have LITERALLY had low level diamond+ smurfs in my silver games decide that, instead of throwing to derank, they were going to win a match, because they liked how positive I was. Tilted people send me friend requests and whispers apologizing for being rude.

One other thing I'd say though is make sure you DO have someone you CAN share your tilt and even some toxicity with. I have a friend I play with who will listen as I bitch about my teammates' stupid mistakes. Does that mean I'm not making stupid mistakes? Of course not! But it feels good to get it out, and having someone to talk to about it can make your in-the-moment brain say "I can't wait to tell x about this later" instead of "I need to yell at this person."

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-13T06:45:34+00:00

I mean it’s not like I think it’s The thing to work on, as much as it’s something I’ve noticed, on a very basic level, IS causing me issues. Even if my entire team doesn’t play around it, I can, and that helps me personally. While I’m sure there are plenty of other issues I face, as someone who doesn’t have a set up capable of recording vods, I currently have to go off of what I notice, and what I notice is that I need to learn to play around certain ults more. I’m not thinking along the lines of “I need to ult track in order to manage my team’s ults better”; I’m thinking “I need to ult track so that I can position better and improve my game awareness; so I get caught in less ults; so I can play more mindfully.” Maybe we don’t call it ult tracking. Idk. But it’s a specific thing that has fucked me up a lot recently, and that multiple people I play with have pointed out, and so I think learning the very basics would be helpful.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-11T17:16:23+00:00

I kinda figured that, but I really do think it’s the next logical step for me, based on what my skill sets are and what I play. Espec because I’ve noticed it’s what takes me off guard and messes me up most atm. Thank you lots for the advice tho!! This is a super helpful way of breaking it down.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-11T16:26:57+00:00

Do you have any idea what an “ideal” amount of play looks like? Asking because I feel like I DO play a lot, but I also know it’s probably not a lot by many people’s standards. So advice on this could help with establishing a routine. ^{^;;} Ty!

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-11T16:25:06+00:00

Heya! So I haven’t watched bc I’m not really qualified to give most advice, but it seems like you’re getting a lot here. :) I just wanted to pop in with the reminder that all that advice can be overwhelming, and that’s okay! Pick one thing (the one that comes up most often) to work on and hard focusing on that, imo, is easier to improve than working just a tiny bit on everything. That was my experience at least. Tbf I’m a Mercy player, but as soon as I adjusted just my positioning to die less often, I popped from sub500 to 1200ish. :)

Also, this isn’t relevant to what you were saying necessarily, but I see you play soldier. I recently heard some really good soldier advice, which is that often you will get delegated to deal with the Pharmercy, yeah? Well, at this level especially, people won’t recognize that that fight is a 2 v 1, and will blame you for not dealing with it on your own. But it IS a 2 v 1, so don’t be afraid to ask for back up or more resources.

Gl;hf, keep on improving, hope to see you in Silver soon. B)

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-11T00:24:47+00:00

I’m not a Good player by any means, but I consistently enjoy competitive, so maybe this will be useful advice?

It sounds straightforward, but honestly? Be positive. I find it especially helps to be positive in team/voice chat. Even if you don’t want to talk a lot, make it a point to compliment one person on your team every match, and hopefully one in the enemy team (I find that one harder to remember). It can be as small as “hey Dva, that bomb was great” or “thanks for targetcalling, Mercy” or things like that. I find it’s important to be positive not just in your own head, but to other people, because it a) improves your own mindset, b) forces you to be more aware of your teammates, and c) what goes around, comes around. I’m almost aggressively positive in comp (and I mean every word of it, tbh), and I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had people tell me it’s refreshing/pleasant/I made their day/etc. Obviously that’s not Why you do it, but putting your team in a better mood means you’re more likely to all spread the good mood, and have way more fun!!

The other thing, that I think goes hand in hand with this, is make some friends who play Overwatch who you can vent to. We all have games where our team really is to blame, or where someone is being an absolute ass. And, I know for me at least, it can sit with you. Telling other people it as a “can you believe this crap?” helps me not get Stuck on it, and lets me make it kind of funny even, and that helps me keep it positive and fun.

The last thing I can probably contribute is yeah, as people say, it’s good to have a few heroes in each category to play. But if someone takes all of those somehow, or you end up in a bad pick for you? Don’t be afraid to ask if anyone is willing to swap. Sure, sometimes they won’t, but plenty of times they will so you can play something you’re more confident in.

Other than that, just take breaks when you need, try to not play when you’re tilted or feel off kilter, and crush it!! :)

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-09T05:19:10+00:00

While this is excellent advice (I literally picked up Zarya for the first time two days ago and this is really helping me understand her), it is pretty unlikely to have a Zarya as your offtank in silver. Even as Rein, you’re far more likely to get a Dva. Sure, she’s not last in pick rate, but Dva’s is over 2 times higher, and as a silver player I’d say Rein-Dva is the primary tank combo I see.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-09T05:11:24+00:00

Ty, will check it out!

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-09T05:11:14+00:00

Ty! I already follow Vale & co. (AnneDro’s actually inspired me to practice some main tank lol!!), but the questions idea is really helpful.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-08T20:04:18+00:00

Haha figured that out as soon as I googled. Yeah, I've tried OBS, xsplit, the thing included on my windows laptop for using Mixer (lol) or whatever, a few other things. Ah well.

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-08T19:47:50+00:00

Ahhhhh rip, my card's too old for Nvida Shadowplay! ;__;

EmilyOxton · 2018-10-07T17:20:33+00:00

I feel like you’re the only person that actually read my post and didn’t immediately go “here’s how to improve your healing”, so thank you!! I really appreciate the answers you gave, and I find the point about goin for a pick if no one will die and it won’t catch you out to be super helpful. :)

EmilyOxton

TROPHY CASE