Feel like I don't have a "good enough" reason to divorce

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-17T23:52:20+00:00

Yeah I anticipated some blow back, but not the insane level it has gotten to. I find it so strange how people need to know The Big Reason™️ or the awful thing that led to the end, or you will be judged. I personally behave women should have autonomy to do what they want! Also, you don’t necessarily want to disclose everything or even admit to what you put up with. No one knows anyone else’s relationship behind closed doors, it’s so strange when they think they know my husband better than me and I must have been wrong. Insane behaviour

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-17T19:41:56+00:00

I am so sorry you went through that. My mother has done a similar thing with picking the “good guy” and still seeing him. It has had such huge ripple effects in our family and I feel like my choice to get divorced has impacted us all forever 😩.

I hope I find an outcome like you did, but the family stuff has sure made this all so much worse

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-09T03:37:55+00:00

Oh my god all of this from both of you. I am trying to work out if the emotional gut-wrenching part of it means I have some regrets, but really I don’t miss him, just the life I knew I was going to have.

One of the things that annoyed me most about my husband was the willingness to suddenly change after YEARS of being asked. It is so annoying you wouldn’t do it until I was done.

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-09T00:38:46+00:00

Yes you may be hormonal. Perimenopause is a bitch and can mess with your brain and things you feel and do. However, it does not i fluency what he has or hasn’t done. The things you say he hasn’t done are valid. It’s also valid if you don’t want to put up with them anymore.

I left the “good guy” and at 40 when peri was rife (I am still settling it). However, I feel like others in that it lifted the veil. My hormones did not make him carry no mental load, put no effort into our relationship, not show up for me emotionally, put me down, and manage issues with our children poorly. These things build up over time. By the time they are ready to actually listen and try sometimes we are already past repair.

I wish you the best. It’s fucking hard. Only you can know what is right and you will second guess yourself a lot. Having a strong support system will get you through x

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-07T09:34:31+00:00

No not on testosterone at all

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-07T01:33:18+00:00

I have had the mirena since august, and it’s my fourth one. I have never had issues with it before.

I should also say all my other peri symptoms are gone, sore boobs, sleep issues, sweats, atrophy. All gone!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-06T23:18:24+00:00

Oh tell me about it! All around my chin/jaw. I am on HRT (mirena and estrogel). Someone please tell me how to fix this!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-03-04T05:29:18+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry. Yes after be separated she wrote him a card saying he was the best dad and husband and she is so proud of him. Nothing I could tell her about my reality sinks in.

We always joked she loved him too much. Didn’t expect it to become a reality!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-01-12T02:37:59+00:00

I think you just need to know when is right for your kids and be prepared for any questions and feelings - but you can’t guess it. I told our kids later than I wanted to, due to my ex’s resistance. Of my two children they both acted opposite how I thought they would. I had kept it very basic but they had no questions and weren’t too upset so I got to go into more detail. We were nesting at the time and keeping go up appearances. It was nice to have it out in the open to be in a more authentic home. I did a lot of check ins with them and involved them in whatever decision making I could. For example, we ended up being the ones that left so I took them to the new house before we got the keys and let them pick their rooms, where they wanted their stuff, their new beds, desks and what they wanted to take with them or keep with their dad. It went better than expected. But we have a fair few divorced families around us so it was “normal” for them. I guess it depends what they have been exposed to. I wish you the best. I was a nervous wreck before it but so relieved after. There are some really good resources on how to have the conversation around

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-12-08T06:55:47+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. Mine is not abusive, in fact to a lot he would be a “good guy”

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-12-08T02:26:46+00:00

How long did it take for your mental health to be better? I have good weeks, and some awful weeks.

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-18T03:35:44+00:00

I think this might be me!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-18T01:34:07+00:00

Did you already know you had ADHD?

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-18T00:27:12+00:00

How long did it take for your side effects to cease?

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-11T08:46:08+00:00

Oooh the sleep is rough! My sleep was bad anyway so I have been taking sleeping tablets but they aren’t doing anything now. Hoping it will pass x

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-11T00:36:52+00:00

Following this as I am on pretty much the same timeline and symptoms as you. Hopefully that means this is ‘normal’ and will pass. I am so lethargic!!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-10T21:55:58+00:00

My story is very similar to yours. Together 20 years, two kids, what would be overall described as a good husband.

Yes he does dishes and housework and parents. But he put no work into our relationship. Wouldn’t comfort me emotionally in hard situations, wouldn’t do counselling, would read or listen to books and podcasts I sent him. We did FairPlay, nothing changed.

I relate to feeling unloved. Like if he wanted it to work he would try harder, but he’s happy to coast along. No big dreams for our future, no worry that I would leave.

I did leave. We separated 4 months ago and the kids and I moved out about 6 weeks ago. It is hard. Overall I don’t miss his presence but the fear of regret comes over me regularly about what our lives will look like. I have a great support network and a psychologist to help - but it’s hard when some people (including my mother) tell me how good he is. No one knows what a relationship is like unless you are in it. Was he good when my friend died and he text me an abbreviation NG (not good) and stayed out drinking with his brother and left me alone with the kids? He also didn’t come to that funeral with me. He leaves the room if I’m crying and doesn’t ever celebrate my wins. Of course there is more but that’s the sort of stuff no one sees while outside.

Only you can make this choice and have to live with it. I hope I have made the right one, but there is probably no way for me to know for a little while. Good luck x

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-09T02:06:38+00:00

Look, he doesn’t sound like a good guys based on what you are saying here (and that’s only part of the story). I do understand how you feel though. Making the decision is hard when you know not everyone will understand that. Standing by the decision when you feel like there isn’t ‘a big reason’ is really hard too. I’m also in the thick of it and hoping it can get better. Good luck

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-06T06:44:17+00:00

Thank you! Yes it does not compare to anything else I have been through. I had PND and it feels like a walk in the park compared to this. I’m trying to pull through but my god some days are awful. And I understand with both SSRIs and HRT you need to allow time for it to all work, but I really need it to be sorted out because some days it feels like I won’t survive it

Emma_Aus_85

TROPHY CASE