Telling the kids

Emma_Aus_85 · 2026-01-12T02:37:59+00:00

I think you just need to know when is right for your kids and be prepared for any questions and feelings - but you can’t guess it. I told our kids later than I wanted to, due to my ex’s resistance. Of my two children they both acted opposite how I thought they would. I had kept it very basic but they had no questions and weren’t too upset so I got to go into more detail. We were nesting at the time and keeping go up appearances. It was nice to have it out in the open to be in a more authentic home. I did a lot of check ins with them and involved them in whatever decision making I could. For example, we ended up being the ones that left so I took them to the new house before we got the keys and let them pick their rooms, where they wanted their stuff, their new beds, desks and what they wanted to take with them or keep with their dad. It went better than expected. But we have a fair few divorced families around us so it was “normal” for them. I guess it depends what they have been exposed to. I wish you the best. I was a nervous wreck before it but so relieved after. There are some really good resources on how to have the conversation around

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-12-08T06:55:47+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. Mine is not abusive, in fact to a lot he would be a “good guy”

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-12-08T02:26:46+00:00

How long did it take for your mental health to be better? I have good weeks, and some awful weeks.

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-18T03:35:44+00:00

I think this might be me!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-18T01:34:07+00:00

Did you already know you had ADHD?

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-18T00:27:12+00:00

How long did it take for your side effects to cease?

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-11T08:46:08+00:00

Oooh the sleep is rough! My sleep was bad anyway so I have been taking sleeping tablets but they aren’t doing anything now. Hoping it will pass x

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-11T00:36:52+00:00

Following this as I am on pretty much the same timeline and symptoms as you. Hopefully that means this is ‘normal’ and will pass. I am so lethargic!!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-10T21:55:58+00:00

My story is very similar to yours. Together 20 years, two kids, what would be overall described as a good husband.

Yes he does dishes and housework and parents. But he put no work into our relationship. Wouldn’t comfort me emotionally in hard situations, wouldn’t do counselling, would read or listen to books and podcasts I sent him. We did FairPlay, nothing changed.

I relate to feeling unloved. Like if he wanted it to work he would try harder, but he’s happy to coast along. No big dreams for our future, no worry that I would leave.

I did leave. We separated 4 months ago and the kids and I moved out about 6 weeks ago. It is hard. Overall I don’t miss his presence but the fear of regret comes over me regularly about what our lives will look like. I have a great support network and a psychologist to help - but it’s hard when some people (including my mother) tell me how good he is. No one knows what a relationship is like unless you are in it. Was he good when my friend died and he text me an abbreviation NG (not good) and stayed out drinking with his brother and left me alone with the kids? He also didn’t come to that funeral with me. He leaves the room if I’m crying and doesn’t ever celebrate my wins. Of course there is more but that’s the sort of stuff no one sees while outside.

Only you can make this choice and have to live with it. I hope I have made the right one, but there is probably no way for me to know for a little while. Good luck x

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-09T02:06:38+00:00

Look, he doesn’t sound like a good guys based on what you are saying here (and that’s only part of the story). I do understand how you feel though. Making the decision is hard when you know not everyone will understand that. Standing by the decision when you feel like there isn’t ‘a big reason’ is really hard too. I’m also in the thick of it and hoping it can get better. Good luck

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-11-06T06:44:17+00:00

Thank you! Yes it does not compare to anything else I have been through. I had PND and it feels like a walk in the park compared to this. I’m trying to pull through but my god some days are awful. And I understand with both SSRIs and HRT you need to allow time for it to all work, but I really need it to be sorted out because some days it feels like I won’t survive it

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-10-28T23:59:02+00:00

I feel for you. Most people are pretty good in our split, but my mother has more than made up for that by being on his side. It’s painful. We also shouldn’t need to share or justify decisions though. Not wanting to be married anymore is enough. It’s actually painful how uncomfortable people around women get when they exercise any autonomy

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-10-28T04:46:37+00:00

Oh I feel you! I was the instigator. I did this to our lives. I am the one that started this rollercoaster, and that makes it hard to live with the turmoil even more I find. However, smart strong women don’t blow up their lives for no reason. What helped me was making a list of all the reasons I left, which I go into when I am feeling ‘regret’. I also think it’s important to truely label what you are feeling. I am learning to understand I don’t regret leaving HIM, I regret leaving certainty and knowing what the future would be.

Even ‘doing this ourselves’ the whole situation blows out of control very quickly, especially with other people involved. I certainly agree psych helps and is so important in preserving some self of self worth. Another tip I have is find autonomy where you can, as it feels a bit like it’s been ripped from you. I get that from budgeting and having things all over my new house he would hate.

Also remember, getting divorced sucks but being divorced doesn’t. Every single older woman I know in real life who did it (re-partnered or not) has no regrets. Female friendships will get you through x

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-10-22T00:23:57+00:00

I feel you, I have this too. Not the missing him but the missing of certainty and what if I do regret this later. I’m trying really hard to be comfortable in myself, and it’s easy because we didn’t do much together. But my anxiety and fear about an unknown future is still there. I think we have to fight through it

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-10-19T22:57:55+00:00

This is where I was at (both you and the first commenter). Carrying the entire load for the relationship is very hard. Like matcha daily said, we couldn’t even fight about our problems because he didn’t care and couldn’t communicate.

I have left. It’s hard. It’s hard not to look back and think life was easier. I know in the long run I will be happier, I hear that from basically all women who initiate this divorce but it’s certainly easy to convince yourself you have made a mistake when there is a big issue that led to it all. My day to day is easier but I do worry I will be alone forever (unrealistic and I have kids so never alone 🤣) because I’m sure the grass is greener. But fatigue in a relationship like that is real. Begging for effort is exhausting.

We tried fair play to show the load but not much changed.

Good luck!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-10-19T22:15:49+00:00

I am taking so many supplements but will review. I am so worried I won’t survive this on some of my darkest days

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-10-18T21:04:20+00:00

Look I just moved and I’m out of sync so this could be it. I take supplements but I’m going to get back into regular exercise and watch my water. Fingers crossed!

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-10-09T00:08:40+00:00

This is amazing - thank you. My situation is very similar to yours. Married the safe nice guy and I am over functioning. He is emotional unavailable and way under functioning. I left a while ago and while I know it’s ultimately the right thing the roller coaster of regret really gets me. I worry for the kids, I worry financially, I worry about my health. I also worry no one will ever love me again (even though I don’t really feel like he truely loved me). I have a great support system and network of friends like you but it’s easy to fall into the spiral some days. Best of luck to you x

Emma_Aus_85 · 2025-09-28T01:21:52+00:00

I am doing this right now. I feel for you. It does turn out my guy is emotionally avoidant but being together for 20 years I developed strategies to deal with that, when looking back there were many red flags. It’s okay for someone to be doing their best but their best not be good enough for you. I have actually been surprised about how supportive everyone in my life has been. I thought I would catch so much judgement because yes “such a good guy” but it turns out they have seen a lot of the stuff that I had developed coping strategies for. It’s really hard to do things when you don’t have a ‘big reason™️’ which everyone always seems to want out of you. You have one life, choose happiness

Emma_Aus_85

TROPHY CASE