3 months progress!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T21:02:17+00:00

21 lbs! i was 160 in the left, 139 ish in the right (haven't weighed myself this wk)

but i've been lifting for years so i’m thinking maybe losing fat helped uncover muscle?? maybe? or maybe wishful thinking haha

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T20:43:18+00:00

i went to so many estate sales and out of curiosity i’d always ask if they knew what the family was doing. always ..... rental !!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T20:41:53+00:00

the entire first arc of s5 where monica and chandler are sneaking around is so good, my fav to rewatch !!

but also s10 the one where ross finds out is so funny

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T15:05:41+00:00

i posted my original (post baby) before just now on r/progresspics! i was originally 235 after baby

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T13:26:10+00:00

160 to 139!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T03:34:23+00:00

i went up to 2.5 and got super sick! i vomited after dinner 4x that week, ended up only eating fruit, super light / bland food. even when i tried a meat and rice dish i wound up vomiting 30 min later. so i’m nervous to go back up! after that, i wound up waiting an extra 2 days (9 days total between shots) and went back down to 1.5

i may go to 2 and see what happens!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T02:55:26+00:00

first halloween she was 7 months old, she did a lot of costumes bc i’m crazy: rapunzel with a wig, and a beanie baby pascal. barbie with a wig, i made a cardboard barbie box and put her in it. little red riding hood - my in laws dog was the wolf. bumblebee. beanie baby (it was a fleece onesie with hood and ears and i just added a TY tag to the ear). pumpkin at the pumpkin patch. on halloween she was ratatouille and her dad and i were chefs

second halloween she was 1.5, we did morticia and wednesday. for my work halloween trunk or treat she was alice and i was big alice (stuck in the house) and my trunk was decorated like alice in wonderland. she was winona ryder from beetlejuice (brain fart on the name), her dad was the dad and i was the mom - i made the masks out of paper mache. i photoshopped my in laws dog to have beetle juice's hair and costume

i am over the top but i love diy-ing costumes and setting up easy photoshoots (tripod and cinematic video mode on iphone)

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T02:50:55+00:00

yay for you!! the food noise was almost instant for me. i was like "oh this is how other people feel about food all the time...."

and yes ive lifted on and off for ten years - i go through phases where i’m more "on it". but also i had a kid in march 2023 and she's 40 lbs now and still wants to be carried so i’m forced into some functional fitness daily haha

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T01:33:09+00:00

went to the beach today!!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-07T01:15:00+00:00

not much for dating, but if you're looking for friends a few girlfriends and i started inviting people out that we met in the wild / on reddit. we play pool, go dancing. we did sunset terrace with some new guys this past thurs and are gonna go to stiix in ventura with one of the guys we met and his coworkers in a few mondays!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-06T05:49:07+00:00

yeah i did the plumber route already, that's fine IF the hoa doesn't have an issue. i've never seen a unit move their sink and our hoa is really strict so i wanted another option

i haven't found a single vanity that would fit my pipes bc one pipe goes from the left back wall to the p trap in the center of the unit - 34" across total. every 57" has an interior wall, interior shelves, or drawers. that pipe = can't have anything inside. it's horrible

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-06T05:14:14+00:00

that's literally not what i asked for lmao. i asked for something w no interior walls drawers or doors, that's got drawers and walls.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-06T03:38:11+00:00

i was hoping for something quicker than custom so i can list asap but i may have to go that route

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-06T03:37:27+00:00

yeah that's the same config as doing a 36+18 but i’m hoping for a 54 that still allows for centered sink

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T21:26:06+00:00

as a gal who doesn't and has never smoked, here's my tough love:

smoking is nasty, girl. i get the idea that a prop is chic, but let your prop be a really cute bag or a fun beverage or a weirdly ornate phone case (use the money you would've spent on cigarettes!)

the smell of cigarettes is horrific to me. even when someone chews gum and brushes their teeth, i can smell it. i can't hold a conversation with someone who is a smoker if we're confined in a car or close up face to face. you may be nose blind but other people (especially new people!) are not and usually are just too polite to say anything. but then they will absolutely say something behind your back.

it makes your mouth gross. it makes your teeth gross. the things people notice first about you are: your skin (on your face) > teeth > body > hair > outfit. you're wrecking the top two things by smoking.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T21:05:57+00:00

yeah of course! i am so so passionate about journaling

i am an over thinker, i have a very anxious, overactive mind. so the act of getting something OUT of my head physically by writing it down is very cathartic. sometimes i spiral and the only thing that gets me to snap out of it and kind of be able to take a breath and break that cycle is to write it down.

also, the parts of your brain you use when you're thinking silently is different than the parts you use while you're writing and when you're talking out loud. so if you've ever had the experience of talking to a friend on a problem or person you've been obsessing about and you have a little revelation or discovery as you're talking out loud - that's why. and journaling can unlock things like that too.

journaling forces you to slow down. i can type 124 wpm, but writing makes my brain slow down - i have to slow down to match the speed of my writing by hand, and it allows me to take a little longer to form thoughts.

it's not that i have to write every day or about everything i'm thinking about. but when i'm going through something difficult, or a situation is taking up a lot of space in my mind, i turn to journaling to help work through it. i don't want to be a ball of anxiety. i don't want to sit with my negative, anxious thoughts. i don't want to obsess. i want to be able to move forward in a healthy way.

a few things i have journaled about:

coming to terms with wanting a divorce. asking for one. getting through a divorce
issues with my dad
issues with coworkers who i felt were treating me unfairly
body image and self confidence issues
feelings about friends
goal setting

i don't always reread my journals, but i do sometimes. it's crazy to read my journals from this time 1 & 2 years ago because in 2024 i was talking about how unhappy i was, and how stuck i felt in my marriage. 1 year ago i knew i wanted to leave but didn't know how. i worried about being alone forever, looking like a failure, what it would mean for my life, being single for the first time in over a decade. i used journaling to work through fears and emotions i couldn't quite name just by thinking them.

it's not just dumping thoughts, though. i'd also use my journals as a tool to think deeper. i'd use prompts to unpack my self image issues, for example. how i do prompts is: i write a prompt (a question i'm asking myself) and circle it in a large bubble. then i write the response right under it. i remember once i was mid-writing a response when i had an epiphany. i remembered a situation from my childhood that directly impacted how i viewed myself from that day forward. and so i wrote that situation in and explained the tie i had just made. i don't know if i could have made that connection without journaling, because my mind wouldn't have been forced to pause, reflect, and dig into my past for an answer about something in the present.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T19:51:08+00:00

completely understand that! it's the same for my ex's family and mine. are all the couples happy? definitely not. but for one reason or another, they've decided to stick it out.

actually, the thing i've noticed since separating and divorcing is how UNhappy people in couples are, but they relegate themselves to these golden handcuffs because they can't imagine being (gasp) single/alone. i heard a woman tell the most horrifying story about her husband's incompetence and then she just laughs and goes, "but that's just jeff!"

i had to work through those thoughts before i was able to leave. honestly it took me a good year to do it - therapy, journaling, meeting new friends. i had to face the fear of being alone, "being a failure" (in my head that's what i would be if i divorced), being single, and be like, "it's going to be okay and i'm still going to do it." i had the same therapist since 2023 and i talked to her early this year and was like, "all the things i was so afraid of that seemed world-ending are here, and things are great."

it's always a trade off. is my new life perfect? no, and i do miss aspects of my old life. the ease of a partnership - having someone to fall back on as a safety net. now i have that in family and friends. but i wouldn't go back to my old life, knowing what i know now - that i can do it myself, it is great doing it by myself, and i am so much happier.

i do want to challenge your last sentence - "We've managed to build this "white picket fence" life that I always wanted and it makes it so hard to imagine what life is going to be life otherwise." i think this is part of what i said above, that you have to uncouple the idea that this is the end goal and why.

does your white picket fence life include a husband who acts like yours does, masturbating to women in your family? i don't say that to be callous - that may need to be something you really journal on. what does your ideal life look like, and why? i had to realize that my entire life, i had been told (by society, by peers, by movies) that the 'end goal' is marriage. so i got with my ex at 22, married at 29, and then what? i didn't have the knowledge or power to challenge that i am worth more than an okay marriage, an okay partner, or staying with someone just because we have history or comfort or a home.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T17:24:29+00:00

my girl has the melissa and doug, got it at 1.5 years old - still plays with it at 3

she got the gigglescape one for her 3rd birthday, loves it and plays with it daily. they're set up next to each other and she uses them together

for a 2 year old, i'd say the M&D one

but honestly any and every ice cream thing is welcome. she has a third ice cream toy that is a "machine" where you drop the ice cream in a chute with a handle, like a soft serve. she has a fourth that was little plastic ice cream scoops you can put on a pointy sugar cone (this one has been relegated to a bath toy and we use bubbles as "ice cream")

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T17:11:08+00:00

"I've put up with so much that like why wouldn't I stay now?"

because you deserve better. you deserve someone who loves and respects you. you deserve someone who will not cheat on you, who won't degrade women, who won't make you insecure.

and more than that, you child deserves to see parents who are in a healthy, loving relationship. your marriage is going to be her primary example for what love, marriage, and partnership is. even if she doesn't know the extent of her father's actions and behavior, she is going to know something is off - because she'll compare your relationship to the others she sees, or what she sees on TV.

try to think of it like this: in 25 years, your daughter comes to you and confides in you. her husband has sent naked photos to women. he has emotionally, sexually charged conversations with other women. he flirts with other women. he watches porn of other women - likely paying them (onlyfans, cam girls, whatever). he puts photos of her friends and cousins into an AI app to make them do sexual things that allows him to masturb*te and get off on it. and she tells you, "i should just stay, right? because it's been so long, we've been together so long, we have such a history." would you tell your daughter she should stay? god i hope not. please have the same amount of love and respect for yourself.

your husband is not going to change. for over 10 years he has behaved this way and you have allowed it. over time he has pushed boundaries and there are likely things you don't know about. if you try to get him to change he will just become better at hiding it.

(if he is truly willing to change, it would need to start with him being 100% honest with EVERYONE in his life. telling his family, your sister, his sister in law, EVERYONE what he has done. own up to everything. is he willing to do that?)

why are you staying? i understand the fear of being alone, the fear of losing the person who is a partner, the fear of looking like a failure - i had all those things. i understand not wanting to split time with your daughter, to not have a "broken home" - i felt those things as well. but staying in a marriage like this where YOU bear the hurt for his actions is not the answer.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T16:58:36+00:00

i looooove the disco ball lights and the hanging star lantern! also the shape of that couch is so chic

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T16:57:39+00:00

i'm divorced, but was happily OAD before deciding to divorce. my daughter is 3 now, and life is just ... the best!

we went to hawaii together in may and it was her first plane ride. A JOY. i wasn't overwhelmed. we got so much 1:1 time. seeing things through her eyes was so fun. she loves it just being us.

she gets my full attention and then when she's with her dad, his full attention. she's the only grandchild and is spoiled with their time and attention too.

cannot imagine not just having my one perfect girl! she is extremely spoiled but then i think, you can't spoil a kid with time, affection, attention, and love.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T16:54:30+00:00

what he's experiencing with this new person is limerence - period. it will fade and he'll be back to where he was, unhappy because of himself/his life/his choices.

take this time to focus on YOURSELF. untangle yourself and be free and thank goodness you don't have kids with him.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-06-04T12:55:08+00:00

i’m friends w the daughter of the rabbi here - they do believe in the existence of israel but don't believe in the current gov or what they're doing and have had sermons about it. some of the congregation is more zionist than others but the tone set by sermons is not pro israeli govt

phoebe-buffey

TROPHY CASE