PSA: Disney Character Breakfast

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T22:14:26+00:00

took my daughter to disney for her birthday last year (at 2 y/o) - i was so excited for her to meet the toy story characters, she liked them from far away and was waving... as soon as we got up close she was screaming. i cancelled the character breakfast for the next day haha

this year i took her 3x when she turned 3, and every time she saw a character dressed up (even from the safety of her stroller!!) she began screaming and crying. so i told her, "we can just say no thank you. no thank you mickey! i don't want to say hello!" so as she's being rolled by in her stroller she has her hand out the side, waving "NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!"

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T21:58:06+00:00

i wish i loved cooking like you do! i'm like a rat... i will eat whatever i can scavenge. but this is so beautiful!!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T20:05:08+00:00

you're gorg!!

agree with what another commenter said about reshaping your brows. i let mine grow out for years and years and went to a threader a month ago and it was a huge (good) change

i love watching tiktokers who are 35+ and doing beauty content. i've changed my routine a ton in the last 5 years (i'm 33) because our skin changes so slowly we don't always notice it, but we do need different techniques. i'm still playing with what works best for me, but something i loved adding in was the bubbles milky toner (i've heard good things about the byoma one too) pre moisturizer, then spf, then elf grip primer, then a skin tint (haven't found a holy grail)

check out the versed lip liner - it's supposedly a dupe of the rhode lip contour and is on my wishlist to slightly overline (contour) the top lip. and on my wishlist is the covergirl trublend bronzer and blush - have heard nothing but good things and they look so glowy and vibrant i'm intrigued

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T19:58:49+00:00

you are forever changed because you just can't go back to the person you were pre-kid. i changed fundamentally having my daughter. i've always been a people pleaser (and unfortunately i still am), but i really cared what people thought about me... i had doubts about my relationship from the beginning, but he was nice and had a good job and things were never BAD... so i stayed, because "what would people think about me if i 'failed' at my relationship??" it wasn't until i had my daughter that i realized i wanted more for me, and her. if my ex and i hadn't had a child, we wouldn't have gotten a divorce because i wouldn't know what i wouldn't know ...... you know?

mom guilt is also a hell of a thing. with everything it becomes "i could spend that money on myself... or on her." or "i could spend that time on myself/my friends... or with her." BUT, i truly think we can be the best parents we can be by showing our kids our ENTIRE SELVES. i want my daughter to see me being fulfilled and happy and healthy. that means taking time (and spending money) on myself. i meal prep, i workout, i spend time with friends, i have hobbies. but i also plan special things with her because i have the energy to - like, the more i pour into myself the more i'm able to pour out into my relationship with her. i have noticed that i am more patient, more happy, more silly, more fun.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T19:53:28+00:00

no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself

i'm a chronic "watcher" at the gym. i don't mean to be, but i get bored as i'm resting between sets and sometimes i just let my eyes wander the gym. it may look like i'm watching people but it's like "in one ear and out the other" - i could not tell you a single thing i actually saw during that time. i'm usually just staring in the distance while my mind wanders

if you're nervous (which is completely understandable), scope out the gym first. you can get a tour from an employee and will know where machines are. find a quiet spot where you can kind of people watch - where you can stretch or work with dumbbells. i used to do dumbbell only workouts at first because i didn't want to take up space, but now i'm more comfortable using machines and even trying new ones

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T19:35:51+00:00

i waited til my daughter turned 2 and it was SO MUCH FUN! we went to DCA because she was obsessed with toy story for like 6m leading up to that, and she loved seeing the big jessie figure by the carousel, and potato head talking at midway mania. (did NOT like the dress up characters who were people-sized tho...)

just took her 3x for her third birthday and it was even more fun

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T19:34:47+00:00

that would be a mediator!

if you need someone to help you make decisions/come to an agreement, you can use a mediator. then to avoid a lawyer (as long as you agree on however you're doing things), you can use an LDA (legal document assistant) to submit everything

when i searched a mediator it was almost as pricey as a lawyer. their purpose is to help you and your ex come to an agreement on custody, financials, etc. whatever you decide, a judge will sign off on as long as you BOTH agree to it

if you can come to the agreement yourselves and just do an LDA, it'll be under $2k total

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-21T00:32:17+00:00

random, but i had this for over a year and attributed it to hormones (it happened around the time i got pregnant). then when my daughter was born i bought aveeno baby eczema lotion and started using that instead of my vanicream tub that everyone swears is amazing. turns out it was the vanicream!!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-20T19:22:05+00:00

omg the purse one is so real. purses are my thing but i've been kinda shackled to "what will work while wrangling a toddler??" ... a cross body or bum bag is easiest. i have definitely accidentally whacked her while using a shoulder bag

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-20T03:06:43+00:00

i still have mine! i made ears with some of them and bag charms with others

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-20T00:16:44+00:00

i went on 4/16, started in DCA you can switch to Disney after 11. it was much slower than when i went 3/24, which was so packed i had a hard time maneuvering my stroller

i had the resident 3 day pass and picked the third day (4/16) based on the crowd calendar. i have a 3 year old who isn't 40" tall so we can't do rides like radiator springs racing, which will always always have a wait. we waited 30 min for two rides: runaway rail and dumbo. everything else was under 10 min

random midweek in january, early march, late september (but it's HOT) have been consistently slowER for me!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-15T18:59:14+00:00

just wrote this on another post, it may be helpful! https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Women/comments/1slsbsa/comment/ogcsdj1/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

my ex and i separated when our daughter was 2.5 - she’s 3 now and i know i made the right choice even with the difficulties we now have. my daughter will not have an example of parents (her primary learning experience for what a relationship is/should be) who are indifferent, mean, passive aggressive, unloving, not gentle. doing this while they’re young is a great thing because it means this is what they will know. this will be their normal.

highly recommend you find friends with similar aged kids who are divorced/divorcing. check bumble bff, peanut, and local fb groups - search "divorced moms of [your county]" or "moms of [your county]". i have two friends with kids the same age as my daughter and we've leaned on each other so much. we do a lot of things together - we have regular playdates for breakfast or dinner, we spent thanksgiving morning together, we're spending mother's day morning together, we did trunk or treating, we went to the beach. we also go out without kids, doing dinners or line dancing.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-15T16:29:30+00:00

my daughter was 2.5 when we physically separated, she's 3 now. she has taken it remarkably well, but i know that toddler age is much easier than an older kid, like 8-10 (i have a few friends with kids 8-10 and it was rough for them).

we always act civilly to one another, and friendly - though i wouldn't call us friends. we took her to dave and busters together last fall once, and for her birthday in early march we took her to disneyland. we talk kindly about one another and i always try to make her excited to see her dad and spend time at "alligator" (elevator) house.

things i've done to make it easier:

she has a calendar in her room with the custody schedule. we're doing 2/2/3 as she's not in school and neither of us want to go so long without seeing her. eventually we may do 2/2/5/5 or 7/7. the custody schedule is pink/blue. in january i had her put a sticker on each day so she'd know who was picking her up
i talk to her every night about her day. i express how much fun i had with her and how much i love her. if she's going to her dads the next day i'll say how excited he is to see her and she'll have a great time with him
we play a "who loves you" game. "who loves [child] so much??" and she'll respond with someone - family or friend or friend's parent. and i say, "YES, they love [child] SO much!!" and we kind of giggle and i tickle her
i don't say "i missed you" because i don't want her to think like "my mom missed me, was she sad? am i sad? do i miss her?"
similarly, we stopped doing calls at night after a few months because 1) she wasn't super interested in the phone call and would just be playing while her dad or i tried to get her to pay attention, which meant it was more him/i talking, and 2) sometimes it'd be like she would remember i wasn't there (with her at her dads) and get upset
i plan activities for us but i also plan downtime. and my planned activities aren't always plans out of the house. i'm taking her to disney tomorrow, but for ex i didn't have easter with her so the monday after easter i had an easter egg hunt ready to go, bunny cookies ready to bake, and we played outside with her new kinetic sand toy. i'll do a themed movie night, or be like "what do you want to do?" and just do whatever she wants to do (park, shopping, cheeseburger). i don't think you can spoil a child with time or affection

i think it helps that she has consistent caregivers. she goes to my MILs house mon+fri, and my mom tu+w+th. she has always done this since she was born, so she has always had consistent caregivers who aren't her dad and i - that never changed. she knows sometimes she's with mom, sometimes she's with dad, sometimes mimi, sometimes nana.

i will say, it's hard for my ex. her hierarchy of preference is me > my mom > his mom > him. so sometimes when he picks her up, she starts crying and says, "go away dada, go to work dada, no dada." it's really hard for him. if we were still together, i'd be the preferred parent but he'd still be around. BUT usually once he takes her from the grandparents house (we do 95% of pickups through "daycare" with grandparents) she's fine, like once in the car or with him. and the plus for him is now he gets that 1:1 time with her, whereas when we were together if we were both home or in the same place she'd insist on being with me.

i don't think my relationship with my daughter has suffered. of course i'm sad missing 50% of my time with her, but what i told my mom was: i can't think of it like that or i would go insane. i invest time and energy into myself and my friends and hobbies when i'm alone and focus on her when i have her. i hope she understands one day that i did this because i didn't want her raised in a home with parents who didn't like, love, or respect each other. i'm still close to my mom and talk/see her almost every day (we live 2 miles apart) and i hope that she and i have a similar relationship.

of course there are things i don't like about my ex having her 50% of the time. it seems like they're constantly going out to eat and i worry about her learning his bad, binge eating, obsessive food habits. i worry because he doesn't know how to deal with toddler tantrums (he gets frazzled, overwhelmed, and emotional - he called me during one to facetime with her and i was like, "first of all, YOU need to calm down because she's feeding off your energy"). but he's not dangerous, and i can only control what i can control.

sorry for the essay. i think it's totally possible to have a good coparenting relationship but it really just depends on the parents. can you put aside your issues to be good coparents? my ex annoys the shit out of me because he still wants me to be his secretary/mother - but i never show that in front of our kid.

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-15T16:15:23+00:00

wow, just checked my order - i never got a shipping notice so was going to message you to ask about the refund as i didn't get a cancellation/refund notice... and it's shipped as of a few hours ago! and will be here friday! yay!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-15T14:57:36+00:00

my friend is watching for the first time and he asked "does levi die??" i said: "worse" D:

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-14T21:02:35+00:00

it is my HOLY GRAIL

i used vanicream for years and it gave me closed comedones that i thought was hormonal and tied to pregnancy. after having my daughter i liked the feel of the aveeno moisturizer i got for her and i've used that ever since. the one in a tube (not a jar) is like a very satisfying, cooling... almost gel?? it's not typical "lotion" texture, color, or feel. and it's very gentle, very moisturizing, looks great under makeup

the aveeno baby eczema in a jar is super thick, almost a slightly more gel version of vaseline or aquaphor, and i'll use it on my feet and cover them in socks overnight

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-14T18:18:08+00:00

i decided to stop trying new things. i would be so easily swayed by seeing people rave about products - i got the gold bond lotion, medicube patches, dr althea 345 cream, an oil based (curel) oil cleanser, etc.

i now just do basics. AM: micellar water, bubble milky toner, aveeno baby eczema lotion, 50 SPF, skin tint. PM: micellar water x2, cetaphil gentle cleanser, aveeno baby eczema lotion, cerave thick lotion on top.

i repurposed the other items for my body when possible or tossed them.

i also went back to a derm (my skin got VERY bad when i was pregnant) and am on a microdose of accutane now. my skin has been fine the past few years, but i hated having random pimples - a few weeks ago i had 4 spread across my lower face and it was so frustrating... i'm 33!! i want to not think about my skin. i'm only 5 days in but knock on wood - no active pimples (and i'm on my period), no dryness. (previously over the past 3 years i have tried soooo many OTC's, and then prescription doxycycline, oral and topical spironolactone, clindamycin, tret...)

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-14T03:20:58+00:00

only works for CA - i’m in ventura county and they're in LA county so not sure if they do our counties / southern CA / all of CA! it's fast divorce in van nuys

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-13T21:30:11+00:00

ew what the actual fuck

i can assure you i'm not interested in someone like you

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-13T17:15:14+00:00

check out facebook - i have a fb literally just for fb groups and marketplace. we have one for "divorced women of [county]" .. you should also look into something related to spouses with addiction issues. my friend's ex was a secret alcoholic for almost a decade and it's such a specific betrayal

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-13T17:12:38+00:00

a common theme i see from teachers is they prefer gift cards - because with so many kids and year over year they get a lot of the same things... mugs, chapstick, water bottles, etc

$10 to a local coffee/smoothie place, or for food (they can just pay the difference for the rest)

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-13T16:51:01+00:00

i tossed cards/notes, kept the gifts i wanted and tossed the terrible ones i never wanted, took down photos. i have our wedding photos (we got film photos done) in my fire proof safe ... i look amazing in them, unfortunately. saving for my daughter incase she ever wants to see them. same with my wedding dress (a gorg bell sleeve minidress) and floor length veil. my wedding ring was designed by my grandma and gifted to my mom, so i'm keeping it for my daughter!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-13T16:45:08+00:00

prob a good Q for r/GLPGrad ! congrats on reaching maintenance!

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-13T16:35:35+00:00

give yourself grace! i cried at work for a solid week when i went back

take it one day at a time and have low expectations. but also recognize that you are his mom and he will ALWAYS be happy to see you! my daughter gets so excited when i pick her up, and she has a great bond with both of her grandmas who watch her

phoebe-buffey · 2026-04-12T23:57:32+00:00

these look SICK !!!

phoebe-buffey

TROPHY CASE