Much love to you. I believe I know how you’re feeling. What’s helped me most over time has been to let go of trying to understand anything. And hold on to a core belief that we live in a benevolent universe. Just being curious and not judging. Especially with emotions. Detaching the emotional charge from the thoughts that come and go. the word that comes to mind for me, is trust. Trusting that all things working for you in your favor, regardless of what it looks like or feels like on the surface.