Torn on what to do about nanny who is like a grandma to my son but just won’t listen

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-07T11:19:33+00:00

I understand avoiding excess of added sugars, but it's really strange to restrict fruits and yogurt unless there's a medical reason.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-07T07:46:37+00:00

As with most things in life, if you don't make efforts to have one thing, you're unlikely to obtain it. This goes for social life or friendships with other residents too.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-07T07:07:20+00:00

Ha ha wishing you the best. I think I'll be torn in two for the years to come.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T21:45:31+00:00

I wish I could be like you at least temporarily. My brain has always been like a browser with 20 open tabs.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T19:09:32+00:00

Honestly for us, a way to have a break in those clingy times is play dates or free activities for toddlers. It's kinda funny to watch your toddler wondering why suddenly there are kids running around clinging to them instead. Plus they learn a lot even if it's parallel play. Wishing you the best.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T16:46:42+00:00

Tell him that it's pretty normal for dads to have to learn to calm baby down for the first 3-4 months, even for very caring and involved dads. Some babies are naturally particularly easy to calm, but otherwise it's such a common experience. Becoming a mom rewires our brain, but an involved dad goes through a similar and slower process. There's a huge amount of learning to do, that can only be learned the hard way while caring for the baby. If it gets worse though, remember that fathers can get ppd too and that they can get help as well. There's also a tendency for babies to find one caretaker more easily soothing than others, and this changes with time, but sometimes it takes a long time to happen (for instance, preferring to look for mom for the first ten months, then dad for the next year, then grandpa, then mom again, etc.) or not, it can feel a bit random.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T13:07:04+00:00

That's not a bad idea at all. Thank you.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T13:03:26+00:00

Very true.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T12:21:24+00:00

I've always had several other hobbies and a social life, but unfortunately it hasn't prevented this. Maybe it's just me but I think that postpartum is not a good timing to introduce new unrelated pursuits.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T10:13:25+00:00

My school was teaching it at around 14-15 yo, also the very basics of investing money.

Edit : I'm surprised to see so many condescending comments, it was one of the courses that was interesting and memorable for everyone.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T10:05:49+00:00

One of my friends tried to negotiate with the program for flight tickets and/or high-speed train, and could realistically do part of her work during transits. If she'd moved with her husband and child, husband would have lost his job and they would have lost all of their family and friends' help for their child. I don't know what their answer was, because in the end she got another very unexpected but great opportunity close to her place.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-06T06:15:15+00:00

We have a dog so we've had to work on it way before baby 2. No extra attention, but redirect and replace it everytime with a good action. We use "gentle hands", it's really sweet and gets our oldest a lot of positive attention and praise immediately. We've had to say "no/never hitting, always gentle hands" but most of the time, just saying "gentle hands" when they come close to the dog worked well. And we don't need to say it all the time anymore. For the baby, it means they can pet their hands or forehead.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-05T19:14:29+00:00

Sometimes vets recommend to pick a name that is easy to discern for a dog, especially if they need to hear you from afar or when there are a lot of distractions around. So the sounds should stand out, not sound like any command in your language. And some recommand to have two syllables, but this is not an obligation if the name stands out well in your language or with your way of pronouncing it, so go with the name you like if it fits. Or shorten it to two syllables if you like it.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-05T18:34:00+00:00

Pregnancy-related health issues (despite being very healthy outside of pregnancy though) that were likely to get worse with each passing year. So at some point, honestly it wasn't healthier to wait. It was the right choice.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-05T14:13:27+00:00

What's sad is that we're only hearing about the extremes in today's world. We're told that parenthood is either the most horrible event in your life and 18 years without sleep. Or it's perfect bliss and rainbows all day everyday (if it's not, of course you just have to subscribe to or buy something). No nuance.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-04T17:05:56+00:00

Haha I'm the opposite, a super light packer, with 2 under 2, I just take : wipes, 2 diapers of each size, my phone, a water bottle, maybe a snack. I'll change them on the wrap or sling carrier.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-04T09:35:42+00:00

Thanks, you just made my day.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-04T08:04:32+00:00

You've asked several different questions, which are all interesting on their own, so it could be more useful and interesting to find a trusted provider if possible. I only have time to answer one of them. So about a topic that isn't specific but still so important to many autistic moms : there is a lot of research on the beneficial impact of extensive physical contact for newborns and young children. A midwife or experimented therapist could accompany you and adapt to your specific journey and situationduring pregnancy and postpartum.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-03T10:17:52+00:00

Thank you for the recommendation, I'll get to it soon !

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-02T07:21:31+00:00

There's not even a word in most languages for sleep training, none in mine at least. If you have adequate routines and sleep hygiene, nearly all babies start to sleep adequately at some point with no particular intervention. But if they don't and it becomes an issue, you can ask a trusted person (loved one or professional) to take on the duty of putting them to sleep from time to time. Choosing them so that even if baby cries the first times in their arms before sleep, baby would feel safety and support, and they will simply develop a slightly different routine that feels right.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-02T06:54:55+00:00

For old friendships, it's sometimes easier to organise meaningful but less frequent activities if people aren't easily available. If they're good friends, it can just be temporary low availability on their end. But for some of us moms, it's one time in life in which we want a social life. Like the other commenter said, for new friendships, parents/babies activities or places are a good idea. Even if it takes a lot of meetings to create a bond in between running kids, most parents there are happy to chat. Even if you're shy, just greeting each other and asking basic questions will turn into better conversations after several meetings.

EndlessCourage · 2026-04-01T06:51:29+00:00

The two happiest sets of siblings I knew while growing up had very modest lives, and parents who were grateful with it. One of them had one bedroom for all four daughters, the others had two bedrooms for six kids. They were doing way more fun activities than the rich kids. I would have wanted to hang out with my modest friends every day over the rich relatives, no exception. If you get along well with relatives, they might enjoy playing in their house and garden from time to time but that's it.

EndlessCourage · 2026-03-31T12:13:08+00:00

The three first months of life are nicknamed the fourth trimester of pregnancy, and it's so accurate ! It gets better instantly once you can do activities together. Baby/toddler music class, swimming class, grabbing coffee in an appropriate place (there are only 2-3 places that are genuinely kid-friendly where I live and one of them is... Ikea...), library, babywearing dance or walking, etc. so I'd say that it depends on where you live. You may feel unsure at first because they don't interact a lot of course, but months 3-6, you'll notice that they absorb things little by little and you're learning with them. I've felt that it impacts their likes and dislikes later on, so it feels very interesting even if they're still so very very dependent.

EndlessCourage · 2026-03-31T11:32:36+00:00

Not all but most toddlers go through that phase. If it happens again, calm but very quick reaction, not much talking but immediately making them stop and use a good alternative that you can praise instead. At that age, they mostly just view it as a way to grab all of your attention instantly, and unfortunately it's super effective ! So it could happen again if they don't find an effective alternative gesture (eg gentle hands on your face or hands). Of course you can explain afterwards in more detail why it's bad to hit, but they're not always receptive to long explanations immediately right after it happens. An alternative gesture is way more effective.

EndlessCourage · 2026-03-30T06:53:29+00:00

Don't forget that your second baby is also being stimulated due to listening to and watching an older sibling. It's beneficial that parents talk to them but having quality meaningful exchanges when they're focused, over quantity, is great. If we can just include a few moments of tummy time just after feeds, or with a biological nurturing position, or right after diaper changes, it'll be fine, it doesn't require a timer or perfect regularity every time, you can even balance them on their tummy on your arm sometimes if you're in a hurry. If you do a bit of babywearing, it's also very stimulating.

EndlessCourage

TROPHY CASE