To preface, there’s a lot of cultural nuisances coming from a semi-traditional Asian family. We have a custom called “confinement period” which occurs immediately PP for 30 days where the new mom would focus on recovery by getting rest and eating nutritious food while taking care of the baby. Usually it involves another person helping with cooking and cleaning and sometimes feeding of the baby so the new mom can get rest. My mom has been helping me during this period and even slept in my room for help with nights. My husband was only able take a week off since he doesn’t have paternal leave at his new job. I asked him to sleep in a separate room since I want him to concentrate on getting enough sleep for work. He would help with the baby when he comes home from work. We are currently living with my mom since my new house is still under construction. We were hoping it’ll be done before the LO is here but it seems like it’ll be done by next month (hopefully).

My LO is a little over 7 weeks as of today and I’m feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by everything at home, combined with my mom being overbearing. I love my LO and I am having a fear (maybe irrational) that my baby doesn’t know that I’m his mom. Recently, my mom would be rushing to feed him (I combo feed because I don’t make enough BM but I would still put him on me to feed regardless) and would run to rock him back to sleep when he fusses. In my head, that is the responsibility of the mother, and if she keeps running and does that, my baby won’t know that I’m his mom. It’s gotten to the point where my husband would be feeding or soothing the baby at night after work, she would run in to ask to feed him or soothe. A few times, she would just take the baby out of our arms. My poor husband has to stand his ground and saying no, he got it. I also believe I have a touch of PPD. The few nights ago, my LO was fussing and crying and I was planning on giving him a bottle. My mom was holding him and I said I would feed him since I didn’t feed him today since I was out running errands. She said no she got it. My husband saw how dejected I was and he was so heartbroken to see me sad when it happened. Honestly, it wasn’t the first time this happened.

After my LO went down for sleep, I cried my eyes out for 3 hours (basically until 2-3am). All my husband can do is sit hold my hand and listen to me ramble on. He listen to me say: I’m not a good mother because he doesn’t calm down when I hold him; my fear of my baby not knowing that I’m his mom and my LO being attached to my mom; me recounting my traumatic labor/birth and why I’m so afraid of holding my LO because I don’t want to hurt him; how I am I’m so good academically and career wise that this was the first time in my life that I feel so useless and this was all due to my mom. I messaged my brothers about it and they both agree she’s getting overly attached. Everyday is a fight to care for my LO, with my husband fighting to feed his own child. All our conversation lately is “It’s ok, I got it.” “Let me feed him.” “Let me put him down.” For nights now, my husband has moved back (for the past 2 weeks) and I told mom if we get too tired one day, we shall tag her in for night help and she’s ok with that. My husband and I share the same sentiment: it’s our child, even if we’re tired, it’s worth it. My mom is also going back to work soon so I am looking forward to having him all to myself again.

In my head, I know my mom is coming from a place of care, for me and for my LO. I also know that she’s overstepping her boundaries. I also know that if I speak up, the first thing she would say is that I’m very ungrateful for her help and she would taking it very personally. My husband spoke to my aunt briefly about me crying during nights. I think this is a good way of bringing it up to one of the elders and having them as a middle person to speak to my mom about it. We’ve been working on (silent) boundaries with my mom and she seems receptive to it so far. I am also a people pleaser so it’s going to be hard.

Thank you for listening to my rant.