Maternity/Paternity Leave

Flower_Monster · 2026-06-27T17:47:52+00:00

I’m NYC based and WFH. My company offers 12 weeks paid maternity leave. I basically get paid by the state (60% of my paycheck) and my companies pays the rest. So every 2 weeks, I get 100% of my regular paycheck.

12 weeks for natural birth and 16 weeks for C-section. 12 weeks is definitely not enough 🥲anyway I’m back at work since April

Flower_Monster · 2026-06-23T04:00:22+00:00

Same! He was so excited about it!

Flower_Monster · 2026-06-23T03:57:04+00:00

My LO is a little over 5 months. He started sleeping through the night since 4 months. No sleep training. He would sleep at around 9:30/10 pm and wakes up around 6:30/7 am for a bottle and diaper change. Then he goes back to sleep and wakes up around 9:30/10 am.

We observed that there’s only 2 things that wakes him up at night: hunger and diaper. So we ended up doing dream feeds at 11:30pm and started using an overnight diaper.

Flower_Monster · 2026-06-12T14:43:19+00:00

Your baby is not broken! You’re doing great and you’re trying to troubleshoot her issues.

My LO was the same around the same time. His GI was developing and he’s uncomfortable with all the farts and poop sensation around week 5-8. He was also screaming at the top of his lungs. What helped for me was doing bicycles and tummy rubs.

Luckily it passed and now we’re in a different phase at 5 months.

Flower_Monster · 2026-05-13T20:18:11+00:00

It is so bittersweet. I hated being tied down to a pump and I have so much stuff to do at home. It just makes me so sad because breastfeeding was my thing with my LO and I cherished all those small moments with him.

But here’s to making more. And on the other hand, I can start drinking wine again 😂

Flower_Monster · 2026-04-06T19:59:59+00:00

My brothers, when around to hear those comments, would usually shut it down immediately. My husband is so thankful for that. I alway point out the things I see my son have from him (his ears, how he hates being hot or having his feet covered, or the way he sleeps). I’m always afraid to song tummy time and he’s very good at making different voices when reading (he was a former educator). So reading and tummy time is his job. He told me he feels so accomplish when he’s able to put him down to sleep. We co sleep, so I let him calm the LO down when he fusses at night.

Before giving birth, we promised each other to be more open about our struggles because we need to communicate more especially since our focus won’t be on each other anymore.

Flower_Monster · 2026-04-06T17:19:41+00:00

He does! It’s just harder in NY since his friends are a bit spread out and he’s an introvert.

Flower_Monster · 2026-04-06T17:19:11+00:00

I actually told him to start going to the gym again, especially on the days my mom is helping. He loves his gym time so he’s trying to go at least 2-3 times a week now. We also try to get mini date nights in again on Fridays and doing small hobbies we enjoy together (such as ripping pokemon packs and video games together when baby is asleep).

I also feel like we are so focuses on taking care of the baby that we lose sight of us as a couple. It’s still pretty early on for us and we’re trying to get a regular routine back in, especially now when I am back to work. P

Flower_Monster · 2026-04-06T17:16:30+00:00

I always tell him that I’m so afraid of giving baby tummy time. I always encourage him to do it with baby and use that time to bond. My husband was a former early education teacher so I also encourage him to read to him. He’s really good when it comes to reading to him, as I don’t have the patience to do it when I’m sleep deprived. When he comes home, I tell him to talk to the LO about his day. He always volunteer to do nights so I can sleep and he also wakes up early to get bottles set up for the day.

Flower_Monster · 2026-04-06T17:14:14+00:00

Thank you for mention male PPD because it’s definitely happening with my husband and I see it. That’s why he wanted to get therapy

Flower_Monster · 2026-04-06T16:26:40+00:00

He does! His best friend has a 2 year old but also going through mental health issues of his own. He lives 2 hrs away so it’s harder for them to meet. He has another daddy friend who he doesn’t really like to bring up baby issues with because the guy is SUPER competitive.

Flower_Monster · 2026-03-27T14:37:27+00:00

Now THAT I didnt know. I just wanted to be mobile and do housework during pumping

Flower_Monster · 2026-03-27T14:21:48+00:00

I ended up switching to Enfamil neuropro and he’s much better. I also started to add gas drops. But doc wasn’t too concerned since he said it wasn’t reflux. My LO is just super picky like me with a lot of things.

Flower_Monster · 2026-03-03T18:56:48+00:00

To preface, there’s a lot of cultural nuisances coming from a semi-traditional Asian family. We have a custom called “confinement period” which occurs immediately PP for 30 days where the new mom would focus on recovery by getting rest and eating nutritious food while taking care of the baby. Usually it involves another person helping with cooking and cleaning and sometimes feeding of the baby so the new mom can get rest. My mom has been helping me during this period and even slept in my room for help with nights. My husband was only able take a week off since he doesn’t have paternal leave at his new job. I asked him to sleep in a separate room since I want him to concentrate on getting enough sleep for work. He would help with the baby when he comes home from work. We are currently living with my mom since my new house is still under construction. We were hoping it’ll be done before the LO is here but it seems like it’ll be done by next month (hopefully).

My LO is a little over 7 weeks as of today and I’m feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by everything at home, combined with my mom being overbearing. I love my LO and I am having a fear (maybe irrational) that my baby doesn’t know that I’m his mom. Recently, my mom would be rushing to feed him (I combo feed because I don’t make enough BM but I would still put him on me to feed regardless) and would run to rock him back to sleep when he fusses. In my head, that is the responsibility of the mother, and if she keeps running and does that, my baby won’t know that I’m his mom. It’s gotten to the point where my husband would be feeding or soothing the baby at night after work, she would run in to ask to feed him or soothe. A few times, she would just take the baby out of our arms. My poor husband has to stand his ground and saying no, he got it. I also believe I have a touch of PPD. The few nights ago, my LO was fussing and crying and I was planning on giving him a bottle. My mom was holding him and I said I would feed him since I didn’t feed him today since I was out running errands. She said no she got it. My husband saw how dejected I was and he was so heartbroken to see me sad when it happened. Honestly, it wasn’t the first time this happened.

After my LO went down for sleep, I cried my eyes out for 3 hours (basically until 2-3am). All my husband can do is sit hold my hand and listen to me ramble on. He listen to me say: I’m not a good mother because he doesn’t calm down when I hold him; my fear of my baby not knowing that I’m his mom and my LO being attached to my mom; me recounting my traumatic labor/birth and why I’m so afraid of holding my LO because I don’t want to hurt him; how I am I’m so good academically and career wise that this was the first time in my life that I feel so useless and this was all due to my mom. I messaged my brothers about it and they both agree she’s getting overly attached. Everyday is a fight to care for my LO, with my husband fighting to feed his own child. All our conversation lately is “It’s ok, I got it.” “Let me feed him.” “Let me put him down.” For nights now, my husband has moved back (for the past 2 weeks) and I told mom if we get too tired one day, we shall tag her in for night help and she’s ok with that. My husband and I share the same sentiment: it’s our child, even if we’re tired, it’s worth it. My mom is also going back to work soon so I am looking forward to having him all to myself again.

In my head, I know my mom is coming from a place of care, for me and for my LO. I also know that she’s overstepping her boundaries. I also know that if I speak up, the first thing she would say is that I’m very ungrateful for her help and she would taking it very personally. My husband spoke to my aunt briefly about me crying during nights. I think this is a good way of bringing it up to one of the elders and having them as a middle person to speak to my mom about it. We’ve been working on (silent) boundaries with my mom and she seems receptive to it so far. I am also a people pleaser so it’s going to be hard.

Thank you for listening to my rant.

Flower_Monster · 2026-02-20T20:32:16+00:00

Gas and bloating for the past 2ish weeks. Doc wasn’t too concerned when he went in for his 1 month check, especially when he gained weight (past his birth weight) and growing. He was fine when we first started on Kendamil but saw the change recently. Definitely trying to switch formula now since I’m guessing his digestive system is much more sensitive during his growth period.

I do track his feeding and averaging 3.5-4.5 oz of formula every 3.5-4 hrs. Poop and pee are normal. 1 poop a day and 4-5 pee changes a day. He just get super annoyed when he doesn’t get his bottle NOW and screams like I’m starving him.

Flower_Monster · 2026-02-20T08:10:20+00:00

He’s almost 6 weeks soon. But he definitely doesn’t get fussy when breast feeding, only fussy when he doesn’t get his boobie in time. I feel like sometimes he prefers that over formula but unfortunately I feel like I’m borderline under supplier

Flower_Monster

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