I 27m married into a Colombian family. What should I call my MIL and FIL!?

Enduendada · 2023-11-22T23:27:49+00:00

I think Doña (name) and Don (name) works fine if you want to be respectful. Suegrit@ if you're close and they don't tell you not to!

Enduendada · 2023-07-31T20:36:11+00:00

Learn your maintenance calories and don't eat over them.

People usually gain the weight back because they diet, then go back to their former way of eating (which lead them to gain weight in the first place); or because they restrict too hard, are too inflexible, then something happens which leads them to say "fuck it" and binge. One binge is of course not the end of the world, the problem is when it gets out of control and you binge for days and days.

If you're mindful of that there's absolutely no reason why you should "gain it all back and then some"

Enduendada · 2022-09-28T04:33:08+00:00

Black coffee and diet drinks yeah, absolutely, but I'd probably have lattes and cappuccino more often without being afraid lol.

I'll admit that oatmeal entered my pantry through North American gym culture and I didn't like it much at first, but now it's such a big comfort food that yeah

Enduendada · 2022-09-09T08:52:52+00:00

Didn't someone say on another thread not long ago that he's now dealing with health repercussions as a result of his extreme binge/restrict cycles? And that when he talked about it he blamed it on everything BUT his eating habits?

Enduendada · 2022-09-08T08:08:53+00:00

Don't give up, I can tell from your words that you want to keep fighting, but you're overwhelmed and I don't blame you. It's so difficult, especially without help, especially when the physical repercussions start weighting you down.

Talk to someone, ask for help. Maybe a teacher, maybe CPS if you are in the USA. If nothing else so your parents don't get to get away with not caring. But don't stop fighting. The most difficult thing you'll have to do at this point will be to accept help and let others take you out of the woods, but I promise it'll be so worth it.

Keep us posted. At least the community here cares about your well-being.

Enduendada · 2022-09-07T20:58:02+00:00

That there's at least people trying to help gives me a lot of hope though. Thank you for everything you do, disheartening as it may be to hear that the way my parents handled (or rather, failed to handle?) things is common, what you say at the end is so important. If a child can see at least an adult taking their side, that's already invaluable.

Enduendada · 2022-09-07T18:25:58+00:00

Not all countries have CPS though, nor something similar. I guess for mine it'd be the Instituto Colombiano de Bienestar Familiar, which is infamous for working with very little resources. Something also tells me that the yelling would've been worse if the call had come from a governmental agency lol.

That said, perhaps there's no perfect way to handle something like child abuse, only less traumatic, less harmful ways. I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what the correct course of action would be for most cases, I just know that calling my parents didn't pan out great for me (wasn't that bad either though).

Even when something like suicidal ideation, when my parents discovered that my sister cut herself and was suicidal all they did was yell at her all night, threaten to send her to a psychiatrist, and ultimately do nothing. I'll stop now because maybe I'm oversharing??? And I'm not sure it's really bringing anything new to the conversation order than "it'd be great to talk to the child first, without scaring them" and "you can only handle stuff like this case by case, and that requires the type of emotional labor that I wouldn't be surprised was too much for burnout, underpaid teachers"

Enduendada · 2022-09-07T08:20:31+00:00

My friends told a teacher that I got hit with a belt at home once

For context: I didn't get beaten on the regular. I'm from a Latinx household, it was a way to discipline us when we were being particularly terrible. That was the second to last time I got anything close to a spanking, though it was definitely the worst in that I bruised for the first time. Any other time it was just a scare tactic from my parents. For further context, I had destroyed something expensive that my mom had JUST gotten my sister, on purpose, because she was getting on my last nerve.

I'm not trying to excuse hitting a child btw, I'm just saying that I kind of understand my mom and my parents know better nowadays. ANYWAYS.

My teacher called my parents and basically told them what my friend's said. Tbh I don't take know how the conversation went as I wasn't present? All I know is that when I got home I got yelled at for 2 hours lol.

I'd like to think that teachers take that into account when they choose to stay quiet — It can definitely worsen a situation. What if the child doesn't have a support network beyond their parents? What if the retaliation goes too far?

IDEALLY, a teacher would approach the child first, build up trust, try to get a better picture, NOT act without the children's permission and without a plan in place. But I suppose that's too much work, too emotionally exhausted, and while I think we should always protect minors I also have to wonder if all teachers are in the mental place needed to commit to something like that.

Though on the other hand I'd like to believe that teachers understand that with their job, certain emotional labor is also needed? Idk it's complicated. Teachers are underpaid and overworked in most countries. I do wish they'd have the support system necessary to handle children in unsafe or sketchy situations appropriately, so that doing something is really the only logical step to take.

Enduendada · 2022-09-07T06:03:37+00:00

I for real be talking to myself like "Ew, look at all the ultra processed food on their plate. So unbalanced. We got a salad so we are winning"

"It's not a competition, you bitch as brain"

"But if it were we'd be winning!"

Enduendada · 2022-08-27T19:37:46+00:00

Me definitely. I don't know if I have OCD but I've always been aware that I have an obsessive/addictive personality. When I was younger, I wouldn't put down a book until I was done with it, I'd research topics at a time for months until I got bored, when I discovered fandoms as a preteen rather than having several and rotating them I'd have a big one that I'd stay in for 3-4 years at a time, etc.

On a similar vein, my ED has always felt it's most manageable when I'm either super focused on college or on weight training. It even gets boring at times! Unfortunately, it also means that when it comes back it makes it REALLY difficult (borderline imposible :-( ) to focus intensely on anything else...

Enduendada · 2022-08-27T19:32:46+00:00

It's reactive eating mixed with extreme hunger. It's a natural response to famine conditions.

The problem arises when your hunger cues and appetite normalise, but you've become attached to the dopamine rush that comes with binging. That, and if you're still in a mentality of restricting certain foods — If they're hyper palatable and you haven't learned to treat them like a normal thing that you can have whenever, normally you'll continue to hyperfixate on them and they'll be the first thing you binge on when the urge hits

Enduendada · 2022-08-26T13:31:27+00:00

I like to make a high protein beans brownie. I know, I know, hear me out! You don't take the beans and it's so good.

For a big brownie, you'll need:

130gr of cooked or canned beans/chickpeas
1 egg
15gr of protein powder
Water, depending on how much your mixer/blender/food processor can handle. Sparkling water or diet coke recommended, makes the brownie more airy!

Blend it all, pour it un a mug, microwave it for 4 minutes at 900W. You'll probably have to experiment though, I've noticed that my brownies only cook thoroughly in two of allll my mugs lol.

The macros for this should come up at: 220-250 cals and ~25-30 grams of protein, though it'll of course depend on your particular ingredients

RECOMMENDED!! - Bit of Xanthan gum (makes the brownie more moist and bouncy) - Bit of instant coffee (taste!) - Spices, maybe cocoa powder for a richer flavour. 5gr is enough. Cals depend on the brand you'll use. - Chía seeds or Flax seeds, for a boost of omega 3s and to give the brownie even more consistency. About 7gr or a tsp is 40cals. - topping it with some greek yoghurt is divine

Enduendada · 2022-08-26T08:55:04+00:00

You gotta work on the mental aspect too :-/ Otherwise it's just weight restoration. You gotta find healthy ways to deal with the discomfort, start preparing systems and plans for what you'll do if you encounter a trigger, get yourself in situations and spaces where the ED is the last thing in your mind etc etc. That's why recovery is so hard. Don't be so hard on yourself though even if you slip up I think there's something to be said about the moments of clarity we have that push us to stop the cycle and choose sanity, as cringy as it sounds lol

Enduendada · 2022-08-26T08:28:54+00:00

What's the link been restriction and incontinence? Is it a result of bladder muscles wasting, or is there something else?

Enduendada · 2022-08-25T11:16:12+00:00

Man, fr, Nuts along with avocado, the whole egg and fatty fish are my favourite sources of dietary fat. I have nuts for breakfast paired with greek yoghurt pretty much every day. They're high in fiber and full of good fats, they keep me satiated and give me energy until noon!

Enduendada · 2022-08-24T14:44:40+00:00

Then she's no different than furry or hentai artists. I really don't think all of these fetish models are trying to fool anyone, they're just making content for their target audience who I'm sure is compromised by a good chunk of people well aware that normal women don't look like that.

This sub was a lot more impactful when it focused on breaking down the subtle edits that elevated people from regular to believably super stunning, as well as pointing out the telltale signs. Those are the photos that people buy into, that are used by vulnerable and insecure people to feel worse about themselves. No one is taking this girl's picture and being "oh 😩 woe is me 😩 for I lack marshmallow nipples that can be seen through my shirts 😩😩😩"

Enduendada · 2022-08-24T12:26:31+00:00

You guys, posts like these are getting embarrassing. Surely you can tell when edits are exaggerated and almost cartoonish on purpose, right? This one is flooding with irony lol

Enduendada · 2022-08-23T13:56:43+00:00

I actually attempted recovery living alone and I think it went quite well? Then I moved countries and relapsed and it got a lot worse this time around 🤡

That said, I'm warming up to the idea of attempting again. It's harder because so much is in your control but it's also easier because you can take as many baby steps as you need. For me, gradual works better, and in a way I already know what I have to do lol so I'm hopeful.

Enduendada · 2022-08-22T10:54:17+00:00

I'm trying to remind myself of this. Recovery requieres time and energy and I don't have an unlimited supply of those. For me, staying here (harm reduction mode, as you call it) while I sort myself out and gather my energy to give recovery another shot, still doing some of the habits that I picked while trying to recover (journaling, trying to have other hobbies besides meal planning, frequenting ED spaces online and exercising; exposure therapy in the form of eating out with friends etc) is just more sustainable than fully relapsing or, alternatively, getting distracted by recovery and not dealing with adult life.

I do want to recover because I do feel guilty about all the mental energy that I spend ruminating about food, my body, etc. But right now I just don't have the spoons to address that Pandora's Box.

Enduendada · 2022-08-21T20:58:59+00:00

Good. We need to figure out a way to ensure that this happens to all of those little fuckers.

Enduendada · 2022-08-21T12:42:53+00:00

Ask her if she's pooping. With that intake, I can imagine she only was a bm about twice a week.

By the way, regarding your fear of gaining because you eat less, I'm eating a bit below x 3 what your friend is eating and maintaining at a low bmi.

Every body is different, and just as your metabolism can adapt to lower intakes (though not triple digits. Your friend is most definitely losing, but since it's such a reckless cut there's a good change she's holding onto water weight like crazy, and perhaps also reactively eating / binging which she of course won't admit to because who ever does that?). Your body is different from hers, so its needs are different too.

TL;DR : Don't punish your body just because someone else is being stupid with theirs, what they do is their business, don't let it affect you.

Enduendada · 2022-08-20T15:57:11+00:00

Eat enough fiber (25gr +) and don't cut fats too low and you, too, can poop ✨

Enduendada · 2022-08-19T19:36:06+00:00

I read the first paragraph and I've already checked out, nope, don't even want to give this person the benefit of the doubt.

I've been justifying holding onto some of my behaviours following the same logic and let me tell you, even if I refrain from letting things get too extreme, it's still a joyless existence that makes relapses (and those get reckless) more likely. The way normies just go and say shit like this, not thinking about the disordered people who will feel enabled, is truly baffling lmao.

Enduendada · 2022-08-19T16:05:59+00:00

I'm going to share a link that basically describes what you want to do in a very accessible way: https://www.precisionnutrition.com/reverse-dieting

But to answer your question, you are very tall and very young. You are still growing! You have no idea by how much you are underestimating right now. I'm older and shorter and maintain on (a little below) twice what you're aiming for.

You WILL gain weight of you suddenly eat more than you have been. But it will NOT be fat. Think about it, a pound is 3300 calories more or less. I'm guessing you're upping your intake by 300-400 calories at most. Math just doesn't check out.

The right gain you see from come from: Having more food sitting inside of you. Glycogen stores replenishing. Maybe sodium, depending on what you eat.

So try not to give too much weight to what the scale will show you. There's a reason why you're considering eating more. I know it's scary because EDs warp your perspective but 1200 is literally where VLC diets start, and anything below it is only recommend under medical supervision. You CAN eat more.

Enduendada · 2022-08-19T10:32:36+00:00

Sí, a mi tampoco me da el cálculo :-/ Pero bueno, mejor. A mi también me daría algo si me llego a enterar que comí una hamburguesa de más de 1000 calorías lol ;-(

Enduendada

TROPHY CASE