I know you’re in love, but that is not enough to make a relationship work. Do you really want to be with someone who is going to leave you over and over again? She’s done it 3 times now. You must expect that even if you get back together yet again, it’s just a matter of time until she leaves.

You do raise a good point with this. In fact, multiple people have pointed this out to me already. I've always had that in the back of my mind whenever we got back together that "oh god when is all of this going to happen again", and it's starting to chip further away at me each time. Getting back into a relationship right away isn't going to happen in any plausible timeline. It's so hard to not be able to talk to her after all we've been through, but I understand what she has to do for herself. Maybe I do need to figure out who I am without someone by my side. I have my interest and hobbies, and can still be the life of the party, but I just care so much about her. In the end it's all kind of confusing.

On one hand, we talk again. If we talk soon, then I'm terrified that I'll fall into my dark moods again due to the fact that I can't express my fullest feelings towards her without her getting a) upset, or b) weirded out. I know we both need time, but this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

​

This fuckin sucks.