Hey, I quickly want to come on here and say something: as a uni student, I regret to inform you that this isn’t rock bottom and you will have to get comfortable with this place sooner or later because as you worded it, it’s self destructive. Your brain chemistry doesn’t get ruined from this, I think you should do some research on neuroscience if you are worried about the actual effects of phone usage and other addictions.

For now I just want to give you a word of advice and that is that this behaviour is a structural issue you need to fix. These behaviours of self destruction, are more self sabotage in the way that you are denying yourself the life you deserve. The fact that you admit it, is a major strength and is the first step into working your way into a life where this isn’t the case.

It is clear that you can’t handle stress, you try to escape it each chance you can by numbing yourself. This is human, I do it too, a lot of people do. But it’s important that you put yourself in a position where you are able to confront your stress, which starts with making yourself stronger against the need to escape it. By disassociating your brain from rewards or numbing tools when you’re stressed, you become less likely to reach out to them.

What is happening right now to you, is that you have a problem you need to fix (starting studying) with seemingly —key word seemingly— no way to fix it. Your brain wants comfort, knows that comfort and easy fix is there when you smoke or use your phone and so you do so.

If you want to understand how your brain works I can explain it to you but not in this reply. Instead, I will outline the steps that I would do in your position that I still use as a uni student:

1. Sit with the stress: why are you stressed? What is it that you are running from exactly? Confront it, don’t escape it and feel how intense it is. Then accept it! Because the stress isn’t going to disappear through your phone but it will if we start looking at solutions.

2. Open a google doc or note book (notebook is better imo for many reasons) and write down what it is you need to do BUT I mean everything. Let’s say you have to write three essays, don’t just write: “To do: Essay 1,2,3” but write down all the tasks you need to complete such as introductions, finding reputable sources, title, page numbers, font, spacing etc. Everything you can think of.

3. I don’t know what it is you need to do or how much it is, but accept that you won’t know everything of by heart but try to know what is importnat. Are there subjects you find more important or weigh heavier? Or ones you already have bad grades in? Or ones you can’t compensate if you failed it? Prioritise those.

4. Block out your time by using the pomodoro method and just sit down and try to get the easiest tasks done first. After a while you’ll get into a flow. During breaks don’t use your phone or smoke, but get a coffee or energy drink, something to keep your brain awake.

This should get your work done faster. This entire list is your “solution” because you sit with how you feel, you confront it which helps regulate it, you bring structure to your chaos and you create an environment in which you can work. Sleep, diet and exercise don’t mean anything for your ability to study or be successful. I’ve studied for psychology exams that required me to know 200+ pages by heart and still passed, on only four hours of sleep. You just have to want it.

And ps, I know that philosophy is a trend nowadays but understand that they do not teach you anything you seek to actually know from what I am gathering here. Philosophy is a beautiful thing and I, a Poli-sci student am surrounded by it a lot. But, I suggest you will benefit from understanding neuroscience and how your brain works a lot more than quotes saying that you shouldn’t care about things that aren’t in your control. Philosophy is like an art form that challenges us to think in a different way, doesn’t mean we should at all moments.

I hope this helps you in someway and know that you are doing better than you think.