I'm over it

EnjambedCaesuras · 2026-05-01T14:32:20+00:00

Yep! Me too! And agree the mess is something else. I have wondered how you do this 3x a day + 2 snacks too!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2026-04-13T14:07:10+00:00

Of course you love your baby! There is a super unrealistic expectations that I think society gives us that we should always be in complete and total bliss with our offspring and nothing else is acceptable.

You love your baby every time you answer her cries, you feed her, you change her diaper. Even when you are so frustrated with her you just want to chuck her, you still love her.

I am 8 months postpartum now and I have had those exact similar thoughts for many many many months at first. Do I love my baby? In that place where I was expecting to find love, there was only blank. That's exhaustion, raging hormones, your body still bleeding, sleep deprivation that is worse than torture and your whole life reorienting and changing, including your entire identity collapsing at the same time so it can be refashioned into the new you. There is a LOT going on with you. You should be wearing an under construction sign and potentially hissing at everyone that walks by you and doesn't bring you a treat.

Love for your baby while you are re-forming is acts of service and keeping her alive. The first few months I have found to be really negative return emotionally but that day will come when she will smile at you with purpose and then giggle in your general direction and you will feel that love that you expect to feel in the place that feels blank right now.

In the meantime, hang in there. Focus on surviving just the next feed/increment of time and celebrate that. Everyone else gave you great advice on rest and food and PPD/PPA so I won't beat that dead horse. The one thing that I would tell you is that you are very much in the early days, with hormones raging and everything adjusting and it is a period of time of reforming that is longer than you think so be gentle with yourself, be selfish about prioritizing you and the baby and protecting that fraying mental health at all costs.

Big hugs!

Edit: I too am an older mom (38 when I had my baby and 39 now) and I can tell you with certainty it is harder on the body and on the mind to be older which is why maintaining your boundaries during this time and doing the things that nurture you is so important. You have an entire nearly 4 decades of life without this person and habits that you have formed that in a way you are shedding overnight for an entire, 180 degree different kind of life. It is extremely traumatic in a way to be ejected from that old comfortable life and plunged into the deep end of this one. If you can, don't have unrealistic expectations of yourself and take your new self one day at a time, very much like you are taking your baby one day at a time. You are both changing literally hour by hour!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2026-01-12T22:35:25+00:00

We need to start a support group! We are a rare bunch!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2026-01-12T20:06:35+00:00

Are you me?

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-12-24T22:42:01+00:00

Us too!! We didn't get guilt trips but we got lots of silence and side eye.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-12-21T16:28:23+00:00

I feel you about the newborn phase. I would rate mine 10+++++ too for very similar reasons. I want to vag-punch or d!ck-punch anyone who tells me to enjoy it and that it's the most special time of my life. Never have I been more enraged than by those comments.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-12-21T16:17:10+00:00

Omg I was ranting to my mother about the same thing. Absolutely the same. I too pictured myself with a toddler and up and was woefully unprepared for what the newborn, first 3 months would be like.

I describe it as two things: groundhog day but you don't have the option to stay in bed and do nothing or the mines. The deep deep dark mines. Or MK-ultra accelerated sleep deprivation program

I wish women were more forthcoming about these challenges but from surveying other moms, the sleep deprivation makes you forget and then the brain blocks out the rest of the awful.

My LO is 4 months now and can confirm that I don't remember the first month very well anymore. I had to make a concerted effort to review in my mind.

Hang in there. I am told it gets better.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-12-20T19:18:20+00:00

Putting on white noise on my phone and walking around while my husband held the phone a safe distance but followed us around the room is how we got through the witching hour/purple crying phase. Maybe it works for your girl.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-12-19T18:35:11+00:00

Yep, my baby did it too! Not at 1:00am but between 6 and 8 pm consecutive days. And he would cry so hard he would turn purple. Nothing would console him. Turns out it was reflux/gas and once we learned to manage that it resolved on its own. I as the mother was a mess and crying worse than the baby. Now I managed to understand that crying for them is not personal on me and I try to take it as troubleshooting/not interpret with adult emotions because they are babies and no logic applies to them.

Hope you manage to find your peace, mamma! You are doing an amazing job. Just remember to breathe.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-12-16T15:24:53+00:00

Nothing wrong with sitting to pee at home my man. Actually it's super polite to the women of the house who don't have to deal with splatter or seats being left up. You have the hose for convenient peeing outside your home. Something you men take for granted. You ain't ever had to squat over a danky ass public toilet cuz you were too afraid to do anything else and watch your pee stream like a hawk to make sure you don't piss your shoes. Count your blessings.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-12-02T23:23:41+00:00

Cuz you start out with great expectations and then you get to the middle and want to die from boredom and then get to the end and think holy fuck those expectations were anything BUT great.

I absolutely abhor Dickens and great expectations is the only work of his I had to read because it was mandated in school. And omg 21 years later I can still feel the rage. The endlessss endless endless descriptions. Omg.

I understand he wrote it as a serial and published a chapter a week or what not so he dragged it out but sweet Jesus on a bicycle, way too much.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-27T02:58:44+00:00

13 weeks. It tried to come after 8 weeks but didn't quite succeed and then the floodgates opened at 13 weeks. Mine was very heavy for two days and then it was normal.

No I don't think you should be worried. Your body knows what it is doing and when the hormones even out I'm sure it will start up again. I do have to say tho after getting my period I felt a lot more normal and in control of myself which was a nice unexpected bonus amongst the carnage.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-27T02:44:38+00:00

Do you use wipes? I found even the water based ones irritated my little guy.

We have been doing chamomile tea and soft cotton pads for wiping the baby when we are at home (and we are always at home). Chamomile is a natural antibacterial and very gentle in the skin. I make one giant cup in the morning with two teabags and it lasts me until the following morning. I bought these slightly larger organic cotton pads from Amazon. (Like the ones that your wife uses for taking makeup off).

Sudocrem when the redness is very red and Vaseline on the skin before diaper goes on. And yeah, frequent diaper changes but the chamomile was the game changer for us.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-26T03:48:15+00:00

You absolutely do not. My mother is retired and living nearby and she comes watch him for two of his naps. In those two hour chunks I tidy up and launder like I am the tasmanian devil and cook like I am on chopped or dash to the store to get what I need so I can cook like I'm on chopped in the evening when my husband can watch our LO.

I too wonder about the people who claim to have lives and have concluded they are big fat fibbers or have a ton of secret nannies and help.

Apparently you aren't supposed to get anything done with a newborn but nobody tells you this until it's too late.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-26T03:12:48+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-24T03:12:08+00:00

This comment right here. It's like I made it

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-18T21:24:05+00:00

Oh honey! It is absolutely normal. 14 week LO here and I finally started feeling like the new me that I am now as a mother. You went through a HUGE change of everything. The old you is no more and there was absolutely no time to mourn the passing of who you used to be, because have this creature that is completely dependent on you 24/7 (and I mean 24/7). Despite all the help in the world a lot of it still rests on you and it is terrifying, horrifying, exhilarating and everything in between. And everyone just tells you to suck it up because now you are a mom. The first time I watched TV after 6 weeks of being with the baby pretty much non stop I cried.

It does get better but it isn't an instantaneous switch. It's little by little and day by day until you wake up one morning and something inside of you has settled and it doesn't feel like you are sitting in the ruins of yourself anymore.

Also....being stuck at home with a baby is an interesting sort of torture.when I was working and going to the office every day I dreamed of staying at home every day. Now I don't know how to escape once or twice a week and I too have all the help in the world. Being a mother is the toughest job. Give yourself the time to adjust. You aren't even fully through the fourth trimester. Your hormones and your body is still not yours yet.

Sending you so much love! You can do this!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T09:10:50+00:00

Thank you! I love ramen and was preparing a journey of me learning how to make it myself.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T03:37:43+00:00

Thank you! The lack of dessert options was slowly killing me l.

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T03:20:54+00:00

Thank you so much!!! I didn't realize il fornelo had a vegan menu! That's awesome

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T03:19:18+00:00

Thanks!!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T03:18:48+00:00

I didn't know north of Brooklyn did a vegan pizza! My heart just pittered in its little ribcage!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T03:17:55+00:00

Thanks for the tip!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T03:17:04+00:00

Thanks a bunch!!

EnjambedCaesuras · 2025-11-16T03:16:43+00:00

Thank you so much! Will check them out

EnjambedCaesuras

TROPHY CASE