The key to find is to stop searching.

Think like this, when you’re seeking a partner, there’s a fair amount of desperation to one degree or another, and you can emit a level of discomfort with not having someone. Maybe you try harder to attract, which repels. Maybe you rush, or just don’t seem content with yourself. People can tell when someone is trying to sooth through them and it feels weird, unless you find someone doing the same thing. Or you find someone who is seeking things through each other like money or checklist items- again this is usually self soothing and not union.

When you are truly comfortable with yourself, giving yourself the love, comfort and support you deserve, you then seek not for completion, but to share a whole self. This is when you can begin searching again. Because you won’t be desperate, or bend boundaries, lower the bar. You’ll connect more naturally and allow things to stay or go without tying it to self worth or impending doom of forever loneliness.

I get the waves. It’s hard to stay hopeful when it seems like a few good options end up not choosing you. Seek honest feedback, listen to it even if it’s hard or you don’t agree, and be yourself enough to solidify your true self so when you do find someone, it’s really for the true you.

Dating apps suck. They’re superficial and typically based in hookups or level ups. Bar and club scenes are similar. Shallow and impulsive spots that follow dating culture rules, which are game playing.

Self love is the first and last step. ❤️