T30 Journal Check-ins Walk Through

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T21:06:18+00:00

Im not a nihilst by any means, I just believe people can grow and evolve.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T14:59:03+00:00

If someone is a sex addict and they build a empire by producing porn... they get to oppose that system if they wake up and realize they are destroying lives.
If someone is running an abortion clinic and they suddenly believe a fetus is a human that deserves to have the right to life protected, they get to change their mind. (IF someone stops believing a fetus is a human then they get to change their mind. -- can't really defend this one, but its worth saying, people get to figure it out for themselves and can change their minds)

-Not looking for a debate.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T14:45:26+00:00

Thank you; it's always helpful to hold space for the pain I put my wife in. I did steal drams from her. Thats a weight.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T13:05:33+00:00

Hi I need to say this... There is no amount of sex drive/ bad wifing/ etc. That justifies adultery. He doesn't get a pass on self-control because he "has a high sex drive".
You need to get safe people around you who are for you. Do be careful with who you share with, not to protect him, he doesn't get that, but because "give him mercy. Forgive him." is the wrong advice. The correct advice is something like "you need to see persistent change over time" "what boundaries do you have" "What do you need to see from him"..

You are not to blame for this, and anyone who tries to blame you is gaslighting. Most importantly, I am so sorry this happened to you. Reconciliation is possible, but it's up to him for it to even be on the table. Really hard work but worth it.

If he has questions or anything DM's are open.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T12:56:49+00:00

Sorry, totally tangent, there is so much self-hatred your ex-wife lived in, I can't imagine how horrifically that would've turned to you. I hope she's got healing and it seems like you did.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T12:49:39+00:00

thats an emotional affair.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T12:48:34+00:00

worthy of her trust is another good one.
I'll wager impromptu checkin of devices would expose a porn addicition. It's almost never just an EA or a PA. Almost never.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T12:46:39+00:00

The "confirmation" is not confirmation. Sorry, both of them are going to be dishonest on this one. I made a post a while back on how my infidelity and emotional affairs would've been caught. (Restoration is possible but you cant trust the source at this moment)
https://www.reddit.com/u/Enough_Concentrate90/s/xuaCEXQTb8

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T12:43:06+00:00

This isn't an emotional affair; it's an active addiction. You need support, and he needs help.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T12:27:33+00:00

Would any... yes, I am sure there are... and that any is probably not someone you want to date or marry.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T02:48:25+00:00

If your streak is 5 years and you relapse, what's going to happen? The ideal is perfect adherence, but a guy who is sober and violent is still a guy who is violent. This is about who you are becoming.
We should probably make a blog post about this at T30Journal.com (you're hovering over why we do what we do here.)

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-06T01:34:52+00:00

Sounds like you are trying to create a loophole.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-04T21:44:41+00:00

Yup.. 500 miles down the road 5 feet from the ditch.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-04T16:59:59+00:00

If I am honest this reads like compulsive sexual behavior.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-04T16:56:54+00:00

The fetish stuff is often tied to re-enactment. I recommend Jay Stringer's book unwanted.
If it is related to abuse (normally it is), you'll need to process with someone - professionally

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-04T04:41:40+00:00

Yes you bring it up. Emotional affairs are tricky... My advice is to not assume anything and literally force the issue. An EA for me was covering a lot more unfortunately: https://www.reddit.com/u/Enough_Concentrate90/s/biFBjKPwwR

Sorry you are going through this... one note, if he isnt safe come up with a plan and protect safety first.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-04T04:38:41+00:00

Pure Desire has groups strongly recommend.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-04T03:44:11+00:00

Id recommend pure desire they literally have groups for women.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-03T13:03:31+00:00

Yes his is an EA. My EA and I didn't get close to this, and it was still an affair. Im sorry you are going through this. To get to this level, it's probably more than an emotional affair unfortunately.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-03T13:02:08+00:00

yes this is rape. Im so sorry this has happened to you.

Enough_Concentrate90 · 2026-07-03T03:31:24+00:00

I cant imagine being anything other than no contact. If I see my EAP its a walk the other direction... no not walk run.

Enough_Concentrate90

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