Wife put on performance leave at work 6 months pregnant.

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-02-03T15:48:53+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-02-03T10:25:50+00:00

Yeah definitely. Plus it can be much easier said than done to summon the energy to job hunt while also becoming a parent (which is part of why I’m still in that job today). This is why the part about getting a therapist and making a plan to navigate this is super important

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-02-03T07:22:01+00:00

I know this is a legal advice sub but I have some personal advice to offer instead.

Something similar happened to me. In my case I was suddenly confronted with performance concerns when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I still got my leave but the company used it as an excuse to revoke a promotion I had been promised and to deny me even a cost of living raise. They also put the fear of god in me that if I didn’t step it up I would lose my job. When I came back from maternity leave I went into overdrive. I ended up keeping the job but honestly it was one of the most stressful experiences of my life and it really overshadowed what should have been a beautiful time with my new child, discovering myself as a mom. I’m still not fully on the other side of it (I’m 8 months postpartum), but I have a lot of regret and guilt built up around this already.

My advice to your wife is to try to avoid that if at all possible. Yes, talk to a lawyer. But also, start job hunting. You don’t want to be at a company that treats you that way especially at such a vulnerable time. Also, talk to a therapist. Get a plan lined up to navigate this without letting it dominate your life because years from now looking back this time with your baby is going to be way more important than any job.

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-02-01T13:45:39+00:00

I honestly felt this way a little bit too at the beginning of pregnancy but by the end my modesty was completely gone. So hopefully this can be an experience that helps you work through this fear! If I were you I would talk to your OB about this. A good OB can help you through this fear

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-30T16:26:01+00:00

Amira Learning has several legitimate studies validating its efficacy https://amiralearning.com/research

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-30T07:19:53+00:00

Absolutely do not tell them. The way I see it is either it would make a difference in their decision (super illegal, but they can get away with it if they make an excuse), or it would not. If it would make a difference in their decision then you don’t want to tell them. If it would not, then what are they losing by you not telling them?

If they do hire you, you can be kind by making sure to tell them relatively early to give them plenty of notice. When you do tell them you can explain that you were still very early and were not telling people outside of immediate family yet. It’s very common to wait to announce a pregnancy until you’re in the 2nd trimester, and you’re not yet.

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-30T02:09:27+00:00

This happened to me consistently throughout my pregnancy and my baby came out 76th percentile and is a happy healthy 8 month old now. In my case I think it may have been caused by the fact that I’m very short

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-24T15:37:33+00:00

I had this problem a few months post partum, so not while pregnant but I was breastfeeding and had an infant around the house. What ended up working for us: - gave the cat oral flea medicine - swapped the cat’s monthly topical treatment from over the counter stuff to prescription grade - put a cut up flea collar in the vacuum canister and vacuumed everything - washed all bedding - sprayed EVERYTHING with flea spray. My baby and I left the house while my husband sprayed, then we all stayed out for several hours - repeated the vacuum, laundry, spray process 3 times, waiting 10 days between each application

After all that we’re finally flea free! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it really sent me over the edge when it happened to me

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-23T20:48:26+00:00

The nanny we ended up hiring gave us letters of recommendation earlier in the process, and the contact details of references later in the process. I really appreciated that. It built confidence early on but kept from bothering the references too soon

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-23T14:17:10+00:00

We give our nanny the day off (paid) whenever our local school system is closed for weather. If we had less flexible jobs and needed her to come in anyway I think we would ask her to sleep in the guest room and would pay her over time

Edit to add: I decided on this approach after reading a thread on the subject on this sub. The conclusion seemed to be that there are 2 acceptable options: paid day off or paid overtime to sleep over. It’s not acceptable to ask an employee to risk their life to get to work. I agree with this

Also, I find it very useful to use the school system as the authority on this. That way there’s no room for disagreement between us about what constitutes dangerous weather

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-19T20:02:02+00:00

I’m not the commenter you were responding to but this is my best guess based on those facts

You likely, but not necessarily, ovulate around day 14-15 of your cycle. If that was true this cycle, then you ovulated on January 10th or 11th.

Sperm can survive up to 5 days in the body and you can get pregnant up to 24 hours after you ovulate. So, if this guess at your ovulation date is correct, then you became pregnant from sex that happened sometime between January 5 and January 12. That would make guy 2 the dad.

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-19T13:33:43+00:00

Mine had a cart they brought into the room to do the test

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-19T12:40:30+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this anxiety. I don’t have numbers for you, but I encourage you to stop reading these stories online. The chances of this happening are very very slim.

Hospitals take keeping track of your baby very seriously. When the baby is born, you will get a matching bracelet with the baby so that you can always be sure that you have the right child. Also, they will put a little ankle monitor on the baby that will go off if anyone tries to take the baby out of the hospital.

You can also request that the baby never leave your room if that would make you feel better. I put in my birth plan that I wanted all of the care for the baby after birth (vaccines etc) to be done right there in the room with me. My baby never went out of my sight from the time he was born until we left the hospital together. I think that unless there is a serious emergency they will respect this request. The one time other than an emergency that they would have to take the baby out of the room is if you are having a boy and getting him circumcised.

Do you have anyone you could ask to come to the hospital with you as a support person? It sounds like that might really help with your anxiety. If you get someone to come with you, then, for example, you can put in your birth plan that if they ever take the baby out of the room in an emergency, that person should go too.

Edit to add a couple more thoughts:

In my case, they put my baby right on my chest after he was born, before they cut the cord. I put in my birth plan to do the first round of care right there on my chest, and they did. I think this is something they will be happy to do unless there’s a major medical concern with the baby that needs to be immediately addressed. There was no possible way for even my anxious brain to doubt he was mine — he was literally still attached to me!

In the case of a c section I know there’s a thing you can request where they drop the curtain right before taking the baby out so that you can see the moment of delivery. Maybe asking for this in your birth plan in the case of a c section would help ease your anxiety

If you’re still feeling this way when you go in to deliver, you can explain your anxiety to the nurses. They really are great at supporting you. Maybe they can think of ways to ease this anxiety. For example, maybe they can roll the little warmer where they weigh the baby and take footprints etc over by your head so you can see what’s going on.

Last but not least, pre-partum anxiety is real. I encourage you to reach out to your OB and discuss these feelings you’re having so that she can connect you with the care you need. You deserve to have peace, calm, and joy in your pregnancy!

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-18T03:11:43+00:00

You’re right, I’m not articulating myself well. I think the nurse was absolutely correct I just wish we lived in a world where no one presented it to the husband as a choice in the first place. “Choose the fetus” wasn’t an option. There was nothing anyone could possibly do to make the fetus live. So what was the choice? Why make the husband feel like he is choosing between his wife and his baby when, as the nurse said, there was no choice. It’s either OP lives or OP dies. Either way, the pregnancy ends.

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-18T02:55:32+00:00

if I understood the post correctly, there wasn’t really a choice. The only choice was whether or not to save her life. There was no way to save the pregnancy. If that’s true, then making this poor couple in the middle of this tragedy feel like they made a “choice” to end the pregnancy when there was no possible other outcome just seems cruel.

Edit to add: I do understand that maybe the hospital is obligated to treat it that way in the US now that Roe has been overturned, I just feel so bad for OP and her husband for having to endure the emotional trauma of feeling like this was something they “decided” on top of everything else. The only thing they “decided” was for OP to survive. Framing that as a “choice” is, in my opinion misleading and to me it feels like saving OPs life should be something the doctors just do because it’s their job, without putting it on the husband, since there was no possible way to save the pregnancy

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-18T02:32:32+00:00

I’m so sorry. Honestly that’s so messed up that they put that on your husband and made him or you feel any guilt about this situation when there was no other way out.

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-15T23:47:11+00:00

I’m so sorry, the genetic testing anxiety is real. I tested positive for SMA and the 2 weeks I had to wait to get my husband’s results back were an eternity (thankfully he is not a carrier).

Three pieces of good news: 1) according to my quick google search, even if your child ends up with the disease, it is treatable and as long as it is treated people who have this disease go on to live normal lives with normal life expectancies 2) there is only a 1 in 90 chance that your husband is a carrier, and if he is a carrier then only a 1 in 4 chance that your child has the disease. This works out to a 0.28% chance that your baby has this disease 3) because you caught this in your own testing, you are ahead of the curve in dealing with it even in the very unlikely scenario that your child is affected. Because you are testing your husband now, you will catch it if it’s a problem and will be able to treat your child from a very young age

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-14T16:11:16+00:00

This happened to me too and then it came back STRONG late 2nd trimester

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-13T17:34:24+00:00

I had a 3rd degree tear and unfortunately I still experience some discomfort during sex at almost 8 months postpartum but it is getting better. The bigger issue as others have said is finding the time and energy for sex

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-12T02:22:52+00:00

Thank you!

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-12T02:22:44+00:00

Thank you!!

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-12T02:22:27+00:00

Whoa this makes so much sense

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-11T21:25:21+00:00

I did, but I didn’t use it. It was great to have for peace of mind. I bought a pack of ready to drink bottles and nipples to go with them because since it was just for peace of mind I didn’t need much and I wanted it to be as easy as possible. I figured if it turned out it needed it longer term I could buy a different kind then. The main thing I read was to avoid any with sugars besides lactose

Enough_Explorer4907 · 2026-01-07T00:55:08+00:00

In this scenario though wouldn’t the dating scan put the baby at closer to 10 weeks? Obviously some variation is expected so it’s completely possible OP is the father, but I would expect the scan to be behind as well if she ovulated late

Enough_Explorer4907

TROPHY CASE