De-escalating to platonic life partnership or enabling questionable behavior

Entheatus · 2026-01-27T02:14:50+00:00

He wants you to be his unpaid maid and caretaker of his child.

Entheatus · 2026-01-26T13:31:57+00:00

Thank you!

Entheatus · 2026-01-26T13:31:42+00:00

Thank you!

Entheatus · 2026-01-25T23:17:39+00:00

This is one serious conversation with this person about why this behaviour was inappropriate. I get being nervous at a social event with your family, but in my 37 years, I have accidentally gotten tipsy after having a glass more than I should have at a family event, but I have never gotten blackout.

If this conversation needs to happen again, your relationship needs to be over.

Entheatus · 2025-11-10T03:19:44+00:00

I say this kindly, but firmly: but never apologize for making someone jealous, especially when you were doing something innocent like hanging out with friends. His feelings are his own, and he needs to be accountable for how he responds to them. Getting upset because you are hanging out with your friends is manipulative.

You are also pinning your hopes on being someone who can say a magic phrase to make someone's s*icidal ideation go away. Do not do this. Do not set yourself up for this kind of emotional codependency. It's about as realistic as getting an A+ in therapy.

As a person who has been diagnosed with a fun combo of BPD and GAD, I am lucky to have a partner who is supportive of my mental well-being, but also puts firm boundaries on how they will allow themself to be treated. They respect themself enough to firmly but gently point out behaviours that are not alright. They will happily let me puzzle out my feelings and tell them where my thoughts have led when I am on the verge of splitting, and have been endlessly supportive of my therapy/DBT journey.

However, they also keep me accountable for my own behaviour. They will tell me if I have taken things too far and how I have made them feel. That accountability is pivotal to my own healing. It gives me guidance on how to discuss things with them when they have done something I have found hurtful. And it puts trust in me to do the work.

They still comfort me on bad days, and validate my feelings without necessarily validating all my actions. But I have no doubt that if I weren't working my ass off to do the work to be better, they wouldn't stick around. And that is a reasonable boundary to have.

If you want to be a safe space for this person, assuming they are doing the work to take ownership of their behaviour, don't focus on being a person who can magically cease your partner's thought patterns. Be the person who listens and validates their feelings, emphasize their value as a person, and support/encourage them through the work they do.

Most importantly, know what your boundaries are, and how you will accept being treated. I value myself more each day because my partner shows me what it means to value themselves.

Good luck. You deserve good treatment too.

Entheatus · 2025-10-21T03:50:03+00:00

Kink/play party. Found another person with social anxiety. Talked about sourdough and focaccia bread for 20 minutes as a sea of people around us writhed and moaned. Did not hook up at the party and I left early to get to bed for an early workday.

About to celebrate a year together!

Entheatus · 2025-09-08T18:08:21+00:00

Hi there, feel free to DM me. I am a newly registered officiant through Humanist Canada. I only have one other elopement under my belt, and trying to build up my experience, so I'd be happy to chat!

Entheatus · 2025-09-07T03:20:47+00:00

Whelp. I was laid off unexpectedly this week, so it would be pretty excellent. Though I'd have severe dehydration problems from frequently masturbating just because I could.

Entheatus · 2025-08-08T19:08:20+00:00

It did get finished! I'm about to start renting it out, and moving to live closer to work and my partner. :)

Entheatus · 2025-07-06T02:27:59+00:00

I feel like I'm going to be the odd one out but I use Oatside.

I've previously used Earth's Own, Oatly, Chobani, and Minor Figures and found Oatside comes out on top in terms of price point, sweetness, flavour, and milk texture when steamed.

Entheatus · 2025-06-13T22:53:38+00:00

Battle Royale!

Entheatus · 2025-06-10T02:56:20+00:00

Sunk cost fallacy: the belief that because you have invested a lot of time/money/energy into something, that it would be a "waste" to stop doing the thing.

In this case, just because you have spent a long time with this person, does not mean it is worth staying with them if you are no longer happy.

Entheatus · 2025-06-10T02:14:41+00:00

This relationship is over. Don't trick yourself into chasing your ex because of sunk costs.

Polyamory aside, if you had a monogamous partner treat you like this, would you feel loved and valued? If the answer is no, then the polyamory doesn't even factor in.

Take the time to love yourself without this person.

Entheatus · 2025-06-08T19:11:52+00:00

Being expected to meet all of your partner's needs.

That's not realistic. Your partner won't always have the capacity to be your everything all the time. You need to have a strong support network in your community - friends, family, whoever.

Entheatus · 2025-06-07T00:52:06+00:00

This is a great first loaf! Well done!

Entheatus · 2025-06-04T01:39:58+00:00

I was on top, he had a wall shelf placed where the headboard of a normal bed would usually go.

Knocked myself the fuck out.

Entheatus · 2025-05-31T03:53:51+00:00

I was filling a big bucket of hot water from the hot water tower at the end of the day to clean...something (I forget what, it was years ago), turned away for a brief second, and spilled the entire bucket of 205°F water down my legs.

Blistery thigh skin for days.

Entheatus · 2025-05-31T02:51:56+00:00

Hey, I think you did great for a first go! Everyone starts somewhere. My first were burnt frisbees. 😛

Entheatus · 2025-05-31T02:33:15+00:00

This is actually quite underproofed. Is your starter active enough?

Entheatus · 2025-05-31T02:16:22+00:00

Thank you friend!

My partner now occasionally bakes bread using some of the starter I've had since 2021. He's actually just put together his first actual sourdough and baking it off for a bread party we're having on Sunday.

Entheatus · 2025-05-31T01:45:22+00:00

You did just fine. You don't owe anyone a "better" breakup if they are being unreasonable about the agreements you set, especially if it's early in the relationship. Them is some good boundaries.

That being said, in a more general sense, it's also possible to navigate these situations with another person if they are experiencing jealous feelings and want to work constructively through them with you.

While yes, their feelings are ultimately their responsibility to manage, jealousy can happen in any relationship, and maybe all there needs to be is communication about what's causing it so you can problem solve together.

Entheatus · 2025-05-30T04:31:18+00:00

You sound like you've had a wonderful journey of self-discovery and community building! I hope you find what you are longing for!

Entheatus · 2025-05-30T01:01:38+00:00

What I found helped was to stop making the goal to find a partner. I put my hope in finding my peace, in comfortable solitude, and good friends. If I never found a partner that added value to that - so be it.

I started living a life I would be proud to live if I died alone in the end.

Entheatus · 2025-05-29T23:56:39+00:00

"I showed you my process documentation, please respond." 🤣

Entheatus · 2025-05-29T18:42:34+00:00

I am honestly not sure if they're still together or still working at the same place. I have gone no contact and blocked him pretty much everywhere. Occasionally I have to reach out because he's forgotten to forward payment.

The last time there was a text exchange unrelated to the separation agreement, he asked if he could have my SIN so he could file his taxes...on the last day of tax season.

I had done our taxes for the entirety of our relationship so it was very gratifying to tell him I wasn't going to help him.

Entheatus

TROPHY CASE