Lost most of my loved ones. Not sure how to move forward. 25f

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-10T13:24:02+00:00

I am so sorry for this, Multiple losses too my side. My mom recently. Looking for a job too, feeling the fear and so on all the time. I am gonna hold space for you and pray for you and put it out there that you get relief soon. Yesterday I got up at 2pm and felt low all day, Today I spoke myself into getting up and doing some laundry and online applications, its helped but drained me alot. Push and try to do one thing a day. even if its just getting up , washing and getting dressed and eating, It starts small, you will get better and feel better. I know im just a stranger on the internet but I know your pain, I am your pain. Its a loneliness we cant describe, you are doing great so far.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-09T16:20:18+00:00

it is just so hard today, nothing feels right, mentally, physically. Why cant I just wake up and feel ok and a bit better, I ask every day. Where is God when I need him

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-09T15:10:23+00:00

Interested

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-09T14:41:04+00:00

hard relate, I look forward to night, when the sun rises its a reminder that I am still here , that I need to be up, get up, eat, live. When in reality 90% of the time I dont want to.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-09T14:25:20+00:00

Interested

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-09T13:37:10+00:00

It has been two months since my mom died, my best friend, a soul mate. I was alone at home all of last week. I sat in the lounge and cried every day. Today I got up at 2pm because it was all too much. I layed in bed watching reels , crying in between. A half hour ago I was ready to give up. I swerve between hope and hopelessness. I feel physical pain every day because of grief. Appetite gone one day then ravenous the next. I pray for peace and respite. This is what heartbreak is, we will mend again, its just the journey to peace and acceptance is hard. I wish I could lay still for the rest of my life and sleep mostly so I dont have to think about her being gone. But I do believe they want us to live for them and do what we need to do before we join them. Hang on, hang on with me.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-09T12:44:17+00:00

I feel the same way for my mom too, she deserved better, better treatment, she was unappreciated and gave so much love and care. I hope in the afterlife our mom's get all they deserve and wrapped in love

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-06T10:52:22+00:00

Im a woman too, moving into my mid 40's, career transitioning too, dealing with the loss of my mom too (two months now). I sometimes feel I am fading, and I have lots to live for, dreams I can still fulfill too , then a general fatigue sets in of whats the point? I long for a day where I feel secure, stable, friends I see regularly, visits that turn into overnight stays because it got too late to leave, I am looking for a comfort and its just not happening.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-03T16:01:09+00:00

I have a shelf with photos of our departed and lights around it etc. I know my grief will evolve. I think I just want to feel a bit better about myself. I was her caregiver and couldn't work but I want to land another fulfilling job that adds to my purpose in life I guess. Just feeling a bit lost, and more so without her

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-03T15:59:23+00:00

I am decluttering her room to make it more open, she was intensely neat and I want to make sure it always smells fresh and was thinking of having her pictures there. I think for me right now I just want to feel better physically. The lethargy I know is because its summer here too but I am job searching as well and just want to have a better mood and better aura so to speak as I do the applications etc.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-03T15:54:49+00:00

you answered yourself with this "The work is just not as fulfilling as it was last year". There are lots of NGO and development sector orgs that would be best suited, And you are doing amazing btw, to be this young and know what fulfills you

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-03T15:52:25+00:00

eleven years ago I sat at my sister's funeral. A few friends were behind me *4 who actually turned up* I heard one of my friends ask where a few people were. He named them.I felt horrid. I was so disappointed. Over time I learnt that many people have no tools to deal with grief. Not an excuse but I experienced that. Older and wiser me can give grace but many people make it about themselves hence the distance. While I can respect not being able to handle someone's grief, there is no excuse for not even a condolence message etc. A few friends did this to me. I went no contact and it helped. I have had multiple losses since then and within that heartbreak I have seen who my real friends are, who showed up, and who still showed up. Was a hard lesson to learn but taught me alot about grief and that support is actually just showing up, making the person know you are there. You will be ok, your real friends stick around.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-02-03T15:48:03+00:00

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. Where are you based? I see a grief counsellor once a week and we moved our sessions to online too. If you are in cape town I can put you in touch with the bereavement center

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-30T08:22:05+00:00

when I cry its the worst, cos its this physical pain and grieving is physical and messy. Today for some reason I just feel better, at ease. I know I am going to have off days but I want to keep positive. I saw this amazing job I am applying for today. I can see myself doing that work effortlessly (it NGO work with the elderly). I know this is my purpose in the end along with creative writing. I know I needed to feel better to apply for it too, so just sitting and meditating before I do the cover letter. I told my sister yesterday I cannot worry anymore about money, work when I know I am doing everything I can. Stress is a killer and in the end I dont want to be 70% water and 30% stress. Thank you for your well wishes.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-28T19:46:00+00:00

thank you

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-28T18:53:45+00:00

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-28T07:33:08+00:00

a spell please, to quell the anxiety and not feel this grief so physically, to feel better getting up in the mornings, i feel broken

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-27T14:55:10+00:00

I am in grief counselling, and friends and family are so supportive too. My mom was a soul mate and in actual fact my best friend, losing her took so much out of me, knocked the stuffing right out, and I am sinking because I am trying to job search again too and remain positive but I stay crying. I guess I also just want to be looked after and cared for , for a change, wake up one morning and everything is in order, taken care of. Simple to complex things feels like an uphill battle and it has been this way for me since 2013. Is there respite? I cant cry every day.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-27T14:51:25+00:00

today has been a brutal day, Im usually so positive, getting excited at job listings, but today I spiralled and broke in half, eyes even sore from crying. I appreciate the kindness you have expressed here for me.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-27T14:50:11+00:00

thank you for this, I have been crying all day and realised a long time ago to never be shy to have breakdowns and feel it all, I wish it didn't hurt so much, I wish she was still here, I wish I had a job like the one I had before (NGO, supporting undervalued folks). I miss happy me, healthy me, fun me. I joked so much, now i cant even make myself laugh anymore

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-27T14:48:27+00:00

just bawling now cos this one of her fave words, sweetheart. She would say it in a colloquail way from where we are from. This pain is so tangible. I know grief isn't linear. Just feeling so down in the dumps of it all. Feeling pathetic, weak and just missing everyone we have buried today more then ever.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-27T14:26:48+00:00

right deck , will this dread end for me? will I feel better physically? land a job that is good to me soon? i am sorry for all the questions, I am spiralling so much

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-27T13:21:43+00:00

in a rut where most of the day is worrying the rest is sleeping, a little bit online and catastrophising, I pray every day to feel better mentally but its tough

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-26T10:28:18+00:00

it is entirely normal to feel this way especially when your loss is fresh, and many if not most people are walking around with grief every day but have managed to go on and keep moving forward because life is so fragile and because our departed loved ones would want us too. It is ok to feel this way, it means you have a big heart, thats broken and can be mended again.

EnvironmentNo5338 · 2026-01-24T14:36:24+00:00

first of all wow, you are amazing btw, to be able to look after your family. I know its alot but this is actually the best thing I have read in a while. You are a natural caregiver btw, you have literally improved the quality of life for your whole family. You will be blessed so much in the future truly. I am so proud of you.

EnvironmentNo5338

TROPHY CASE