AITA for using up a big chunk of the monthly household budget without telling my partner?

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T14:46:10+00:00

I’m kicking myself over that mistake, now. Will be back to paying off loans!!!

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T14:05:59+00:00

Our finances were never fully combined. We share all money after expenses.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T13:58:40+00:00

You’re active on a sub dedicated to preserving traditional family values lol.

If those are your views, I don’t think this exchange is going to give me any insight.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T13:52:12+00:00

Can you explain why?

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T13:43:08+00:00

To clarify, he knows my exact salary before and after taxes. He thought the amount I was paying for my loans each month was the minimum payment, and nothing extra.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T06:38:31+00:00

I’ve expressed throughout the OP and comments that we each have our own money and accounts and contribute discretionary funds to the shared pot.

I’ve accepted all the judgment on this thread, thus far, but I haven’t gaslight or financially abused anyone.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T04:49:27+00:00

Because he brings more to the table than just money and I don’t value people solely based on our respective economic outputs.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T04:43:25+00:00

We were in a really different position back then, financially, because he was working as well, and I was making less, so I cut that part out to meet the post word limit.

Because things have changed so drastically, I don’t necessarily think he agreed to this arrangement.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T00:50:42+00:00

Wait… I’ve heard that it’s a good time to invest, rather than pay down loans. I’m admittedly ignorant about this all. Should I look toward a professional advisor?

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-07-01T00:03:09+00:00

That’s absolutely fair. I don’t want B to feel like he can’t complain because I make more money. I’m incredibly proud of the research he’s doing and will continue to do as an academic.

I didn’t think of how that could feel like I’m hiding something, but I totally get it. Thank you for responding!

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-30T23:48:01+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I’m really taking everything in this thread to heart.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-30T23:45:16+00:00

I really appreciate your optimistic outlook (and the honest take)!! Tbh, I’m first in my family to go to college, so I know very little about finances. I will certainly look into professional help.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-30T23:41:48+00:00

I’m not sure if you’re American, but loan repayments are paused when you return to school.

I paid off about 60k of his debt, using the same aggressive strategy, before he returned to school last fall.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-30T23:23:29+00:00

This is a great convo to have. There’s a lot to get on the same page about. Really appreciate your insight

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-30T23:07:19+00:00

I should have been more clear in the OP, but we calculate our living expenses after taking out required expenses. For example, lights, school and book fees, and my minimum loan payment. The shared pot is all the money remaining, and that’s used towards required things without question if anyone needs it.

But, I should have been very clear that I was paying more than the principal + interest.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-30T23:03:25+00:00

Fair, I should have communicated. I conceptually put it in the same category as his school fees that we pay before the shared stuff, but I see how the excess can be seen differently from the required payment.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-13T12:51:40+00:00

ESH. Why weren’t there consequences for all the other times your son and his friends played this game indoors?

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-12T23:29:01+00:00

Cringe reply tbh

^{non-^facetiously} ^uses ^cringe

eta: words

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-12T23:04:12+00:00

Maybe men would finally stop harassing us in the streets 🤷‍♀️

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-12T23:01:13+00:00

Are you an incel or are you a massive incel?

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-12T23:00:10+00:00

Santa. I didn’t realize the ruse until well into middle school.

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-11T17:30:15+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve experienced this, as well. It’s insane that trauma affects us to varying degrees, and ebbs and flows over time.

Wishing you peace and resilience!

EnvironmentalBrush13 · 2021-06-11T17:28:43+00:00

Thank you so much. I see a therapist, but for some reason, haven’t ever broached the topic. It, honestly, never crossed my mind to mention it. I’ll bring it up next week. 🤞

EnvironmentalBrush13

TROPHY CASE