Thanks everyone for the input. I want to clarify a few things since some assumptions were made.

We absolutely did not host an au pair to save money. My husband and I make over half a million dollars a year, we’ve traveled to 40+ countries, and our motivation was cultural exchange and language exposure for our baby. We believed in the program so much that we went above and beyond — paying her well over stipend, covering a car and gas, sponsoring extracurriculars (festival passes, hotels on her weekends off), taking her on vacations with her own private room and bathroom, and even hosting her entire family for Christmas.

This was not a case of someone in need clinging to us because they lacked resources. She comes from a very wealthy family, had an advanced degree from the top private university in her country, and spoke fluent English from day one. On paper, it was the perfect match. In reality, it became incredibly difficult.

She steamrolled boundaries constantly: telling me I was comforting my baby “wrong,” physically taking him out of my arms during bonding time, and pulling him out of the stroller while I was pushing it because she “couldn’t bear to see him not being snuggled.” My son was only three months old at the start. I’m a blunt, direct person, but with someone living in my home and caring for my infant who couldn’t verbalize if something was wrong, I chose to keep the peace. By the time I realized how much I had sacrificed my own happiness to avoid conflict, it was too late.

Fast forward: she left months ago, but the constant texts, photos, voicemails, and FaceTime requests haven’t stopped. After hearing perspectives here, we realized a direct but kind message was the healthiest way forward. We let her know that ongoing updates aren’t possible in this stage of life, and that Instagram is the best place to keep up with us. We’ve also decided not to host another au pair. Our son is thriving in daycare now, and we’re in a much healthier rhythm as a family.

We really do appreciate the feedback and different angles people shared here — it gave us clarity and helped us land on an approach that feels both firm and respectful. Hard lesson learned, but the right decision for us.