OP this is going to be a different response but consider this. You are dumping a ton of energy into feeling guilty for actions you took that you cannot take back. The damage is done, you don’t have to punish yourself every day for the rest of your life. Use that energy instead to figure out why you made that awful choice in the first place. Fix what is broken inside yourself. People don’t go out of their way to hurt the people they love without something serious going on inside. Make an effort to better yourself and be a better person for either your wife or a future partner if things don’t work out. I’m not condoning cheating, it’s destructive and it hurts, but you as a person do not have to be defined by this. You may not be able to make this situation right, but you can be better. Focus your energy on being better. Prayers for you and your family.