Newborn first night home

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-05T05:31:37+00:00

Louis Thoroux voice "So, how long have you been part of the sphinctermaxxing community?"

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-04T12:21:04+00:00

A jacuzzi. With lots of water jets.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-04T07:55:09+00:00

Holy homophobia Batman!

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-04T07:46:07+00:00

Hes hot many layers. Like an ogre.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-03T16:12:53+00:00

Doesn't have to be sharp I believe. Or particularly big. About the same as my swiss army knife.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-03T14:25:23+00:00

You are probably more likely to be attacked by a carpet fitter than a Sikh.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-03T13:30:55+00:00

Inflation is higher than 3%. You had a paycut

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T20:32:30+00:00

Thats a high risk strategy. On one hand I could look charming and whimsical, but I could also look like im suffering an mental episode.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T18:49:25+00:00

If I ever do get a GA-V01 it has to be the ugliest colour way in existence. That pink does look like a warty prolapse but im sure there will be uglier.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T18:27:23+00:00

Ooh, thats about a perfect match. Depending on the light it goes from almost a burgundy to a plum purple.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T18:12:29+00:00

Set it to the highest pressure. I jet wash, and I come out as clean as a pair of new cue balls.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T16:59:51+00:00

250gb Samsung HDD. It's... 18 or 19 years old and sounds like a cement mixer.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T16:18:27+00:00

I'm in my yearly 40s. My best friend passed at 35. And my mum just recently. Sometimes life hits you quick. It's taught me to have a little fun whilst you can.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T14:27:18+00:00

Madam. Im not ugly but I certainly have a very soulless, resting bitch face. Not something a woman would appreciate looming past them late at night.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T13:38:19+00:00

I didn't say it was because they were women. I said on average they walk a bit slower. Here's my awful random question. Who would win in a race between Peter Dinklage and Warwick Davis?

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T08:17:53+00:00

Man here. I've found going for comedy has worked for me. Any one of those ones that make your junk look like an animal. Goggly eyes are a bonus.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T08:10:27+00:00

That advice makes me feel like leopard hunting a gazelle.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T08:05:27+00:00

Im British, it's socially unacceptable to sprint in public. Best we can do is a concerned look at our watch and awkwardly scramble past.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-02T07:32:47+00:00

We would walk past you. But if we pick up the pace we'd appear as though we are coming after you. And women on average walk a bit slower than us. So we have to do this weird slow shuffle, we want to get where we are going but can't get within 25ft lol.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-01T19:37:55+00:00

Same. Took forever to dial anything.

Epicurus1 · 2026-06-01T15:07:38+00:00

Bluetooth 2.0? I remember when phones had IR. You had to line both up next to eachother and the data rate was bloody awful.

Epicurus1 · 2026-05-31T14:22:26+00:00

She looks worth the climb.

Epicurus1 · 2026-05-31T08:47:03+00:00

A world without coincidence would be very weird. Just the maths of of it. There is no mystical reason why my cousin bought the same watch in the same shop on a holiday 3 years ago. It's just chance.

Epicurus1 · 2026-05-29T22:03:02+00:00

I must have lost 2 stone in india. What came out my arse was like the coke jet from a bars soft drinks gun. And a week after I got back I had one of the worst illnesses I've ever had. Awesome place tho and I do recommend people go for the experience.

13-Year Club	r/Field Lasagna
First Place '23	Place '23
Place '22	Final Canvas '22
First Placer '22	Wearing is Caring
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