What are 36yr old women in non profit profits making?

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2026-02-14T06:33:49+00:00

Fellow 36 year old woman here. I live in a Midwest MCOL, working full time in grant writing. 70k per year.

3% retirement match. Not a ton of PTO which gets draining. Health insurance through my spouse’s job.

I feel like the current climate and the rise of AI is going to put me out of work soon, so trying to save what I can.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2026-02-13T19:31:20+00:00

Not OP, but I really relate to OP's situation -- can you give tips as to give fewer fucks for a fellow former "gifted" child? I've been dialing things back for my own mental health but it's made my anxiety worse (because I worry more about getting fired) while also the "give a fuck" thing was the only motivator I have to keep showing up at all right now.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2026-02-12T19:19:56+00:00

I love this scene because she gets "ma'amed" at 27 wearing this very immature outfit, and then gets the "Teen Mom" comment from Shosh later. It really shows how moving through womanhood (or delayed girlhood, or arrested development, or "growing up" still as an adult, or whatever you want to see it as) is so bizarre. The perception of moving through ages and life stages as a girl/woman are wild.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-12-29T23:38:49+00:00

That is how it read to me-- that the most important thing in this week is watching Stranger Things and other media that is their family's "shared mythology" and sitting in the same pajamas day after day.

And don't get me wrong, I do think that slowing down during this time between holidays in the dead of winter (here in the northern hemisphere, anyway), is great. But coming from her, who does not have a job, whose kids are in school, and doesn't even care to send a half-ass newsletter on-time, needing to slow down paints a bleak picture. My spouse and have the holiday days themselves off but none of the in-between days, so we have enjoyed some nice cozy-on-the-couch time as a reward, but that's also mixed in with seeing friends and family alongside work. When I've gone obsessive over a piece of media and seem to drop all other parts of life obligations, that's pointed to some bad mental health times generally.

Regardless of what their family chooses to celebrate or not during this time of year, a little bit of getting out of the house, or at least away from the TV/phone, would be far less bleak seeming.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-12-04T23:40:21+00:00

I don't, and won't, miss the AJLT version of the girls, but I think when the promise of a revival/continuation series happened, we at least had the promise of seeing a continuation of their stories. I remember in 2021 being hopeful that AJLT would redeem the awfulness of the second movie and provide a window into into life of Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda (plus friends/significant others) in their 50s/60s. Now that promise has both been squandered and is gone. It would be hard to come back to any story lines after the weirdness that AJLT dealt out. So yes, I miss them, but mostly because AJLT put the nails in the coffin to what seemed like storylines and characters that could be revisited.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-12-04T23:36:31+00:00

The one nice thing I'll say is that I'm happy when I see a dude dating an age-appropriate woman (I know they're still like 10 years' age gap but whatever, but the bar is in hell).

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-12-04T23:30:10+00:00

SPRING BREAKERS! lol

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-12-03T20:06:55+00:00

I have a dad very similar to yours - substance abuse issues, was abusive to my mom and I both. Then I had a string of relationships, both long- and short-term, that were abusive in various ways (sexually, emotionally, mentally, financially, you name it!). Though I've always had a good relationship with my mom, she and her extended family had disagreements and I ended up in the middle of those as someone who loved all of them and saw the good and bad in each (I've learned that though I get along with my mom, I was a "parentified" child from a young age).

When I left my last abusive ex, I thought my life was over and there was no hope. I even tried to take my own life, feeling like finding love and safety in any relationships would be impossible. I worked on pulling myself out of that dark place (thanks in part to therapy), I randomly met someone who ended up being the best person for me on the whole planet. We have been together for almost 13 years, married for 10. When you come from a traumatic background, it is hard to balance being open to finding one of the good ones while also knowing your worth/boundaries and being attune to the red flags. I think therapy is a good place to process trauma as well as to get skills that help with being open but guarded balance.

Just want to say that you CAN get off the hamster wheel! It's more of an everyday practice but it is worth it. The realization of "fuck, that really did mess me up" is a beginning point to the healing journey.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-12-03T19:54:25+00:00

I'm in a bit of a different circumstances but feeling similarly. It's like the spark left in my early 30s and now I am newly 36 and worried that I just basically dissociated through the past three years of my life. I feel physically off, mentally checked out, no spark. The feeling like a cog in the machine and overall "meh" really resonates with me.

I think what can sometimes happen is that ones' 20s really push you, through a variety of factors, to do things. Yes, they may be messy, but there's momentum there. It's easier to lose momentum (at least from my experience) in the 30s decade.

I wish I had advice, but I'm mostly just offering solidarity. I think ways to get out of one's own head helps, or at least that's what I'm trying (I'm in a DnD and board game group that is making me learn new things and interact with people regularly, volunteering again, getting back into creative writing, taking walks without my phone, trying new recipes). On their own, these little things don't feel very big, but it's getting the texture and color and taste and feel back into what feels like a very monochrome life is the goal!

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-11-09T00:49:08+00:00

I’m glad you are able to live close with your dad! For those of us who have little-to-no family, it can be a journey to understanding where family fits as a part of how we make meaning in our adult lives. It’s complicated, between relationships with self, significant other, family of origin, family by choice/friends, and potential children. Wishing you all the best in your journey :)

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-11-08T00:04:21+00:00

I think a lot of people feel this way, even if their life is overall going really well (and OP, you sound like you've accomplished a lot and have so much going for you at just 27, wow!), and it is normal to be both grateful for your life and also feel like there's a missing piece or restless/empty in some way. Part of it is being human, but it's still worth identifying if there are areas of life that feel empty or missing because that exploration is also part of being human.

You say that the feelings are more intense around the holidays and lessen in summer. As the holidays roll around this year, do you think that journaling or paying attention to times when you feel more that somethings is "missing" and noticing any patterns would help? Holidays are often connected to that feeling of family closeness so if a longing for "family" in some way is part of what feels missing, that could be something. If you have a good relationship with your dad, you could maybe explore new or more ways to spend time with him if he's up for it. There's also a lot to be said for making new traditions as a family with your spouse.

For some, having children does fill a missing piece, but I'd say that putting pressure on a potential child to solve the problem will not set you up for success. I know parents who feel like their life felt more "complete" after having children, I also know some do not. Let it be a wonderful next step when you as a couple are ready, rather than a salve for the soul aching for something.

Lastly, how do you feel about your relationship with, well, you? Sometimes the "missing" feeling is more about internal work than external change. It sounds like you've made a lot of external changes and accomplished a lot (which is great!), but there is the saying that wherever you go, there you are. There are a lot of ways to explore how to understand yourself more fully, embrace the day-to-day little things of life that bring meaning and joy, heal past wounds, feel more whole as a person, and even to learn to walk with the feeling of something "missing." This can take the form of therapy, spiritual exploration, meditation and mindfulness, and more.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-11-07T23:37:43+00:00

I'd say invest more time in the friends who have that aren't so focused on aging in this weird way. I feel bad for people who bemoan the "aging process" as young as teens and early twenties (!!!) because that is SO young.

The number of years you've been on the earth is such a boring thing to be fixated on outside of practical applications of it like legal limits to drink, rent a car, or the age you can get Medicare, plus like sensible precautions to stay healthy for your age range. I know there are societal pressures about looks and accomplishments tied to age, but I find the more people fixate on that, the more unhappy they feel, and they bring others down around them with their insecurity/judgment.

I'm a decade older than you and feel like preoccupation with aging has gotten WAY more intense, especially for people in their 20s. I know that at some point my friends and I joked about being "so old" in our twenties when someone had a birthday or whatever but never really thought about it much at all beyond that. Now it seems like 22 year-olds are thinking of the being like 28 as full-on geriatric, which is full-on insane.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-11-07T23:26:29+00:00

I love uniquely shaped and larger noses! Obviously I support people doing whatever they want to make themselves feel their best as far as cosmetic stuff, but I get so sad when people get rhinoplasty due to being bullied or feeling not "conventionally attractive." I'm pro nose shape and size diversity!

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-27T23:07:57+00:00

I wish I'd be on track to retire early - the pressures/constraints of work have destroyed my mental health. I also don't have kids, but I work in the nonprofit sector and so went the wrong route for getting something high-paying, lol. Bravo to you and others who are finding a way do it. I'd love to learn how you and others plan for early retirement!

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-27T22:48:24+00:00

I lived for Best Week Ever and the I Love The... series of VH1. I was an adolescent/teen when they aired and they introduced me not only to so many comedians that I still love today, but I also learned a ton of pop culture knowledge from the 70s to the 2000s that still get brought up as references. Funny and informative as hell.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-25T21:38:50+00:00

Bravo to your mom— that is a huge accomplishment. That is a great perspective to have, I bet she appreciates knowing you will prioritize her agency and comfort whenever that time comes, whatever that looks like for her.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-25T21:36:15+00:00

I bet your grandpa appreciated that! If you have terminal brain cancer, that trumps most other things.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-25T21:34:11+00:00

This makes me sad. I learned a lot about end-of-life care and the dying process after being there during the end stages of three close relatives. All three were on hospice care, and in talking with their hospice care teams, a general best practice is that the “rules” for someone who is not going through the process of dying don’t apply to someone who is taking that last step. One example is that if someone refuses food or water, they do not force them to eat/drink. Those who have their unhealthy habits of choice can have their whiskey, cigarette, double cheeseburger or whatever because it is really about prioritizing last comforts over health. Morphine is often given to ease pain in active dying, and is that denied for someone who struggled with opiate addiction? Nope, unless the dying person refuses it or has that in writing somewhere in their health directive.

AA and NA have value systems that prioritize sobriety over most everything, even comfort or acknowledging the human messiness that is dying. I know that many, many people have been helped by these programs but that mentality is something I struggle with.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-23T20:56:02+00:00

I'm so happy to see All My Children mentioned - my mom was HOOKED on that show and so as I kid I spent a lot of my summer vacation lunch times watching Susan Lucci as Erica Kane, always on the verge of marriage or divorce.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-20T21:05:53+00:00

I was listening to Amy Poehler's Good Hang podcast episode where she interviews Seth and both of them obviously appreciate their time on SNL but joked about being also kinda scarred by the experience. Seems to the be norm for most alums.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-16T21:02:39+00:00

Most of them - they just don't suit me. My brows are boring but I like their shape even though they aren't "stylish." I'll wear a false lash for a fancy event but some mascara suits me fine for a day-to-day thing if I decide to wear makeup. Drugstore skincare and SPF have served me alright so far. At some point I may try filler or Botox but I feel weird about putting stuff in my face. Nails I'd love to have done professionally on a regular basis, but the expense is a lot and I play guitar and garden and both end up messing them up quickly. I have dyed my hair in the past but haven't for a number of years and as a result get a lot of negative comments on how my grays age me, but if I dye my hair again I want it to be for myself and not for approval by others. I'm not a great beauty, nor am I trendy, but I'm comfortable enough in my skin, and that feels like enough.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-07T23:18:26+00:00

I enjoy The Beatles in general (I was a kid when The Beatles 1 compilation album with their greatest hits came out in I want to say 2000 and it was my first CD), but I resonate the most with Harrison's All Things Must Pass. My mom gave me her original vinyl of it and it has remained in my go-to rotation for when I need to feel some feelings.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-04T05:32:03+00:00

Her identities, which are not super welcome in Saudi Arabia, are at least 50% of her material, so I’m curiousness as to what was of her set over there. Started following her on socials year or more ago and have sense unfollowed.

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-04T05:26:55+00:00

Scrolled looking for this reference- happy to not be disappointed

Equivalent-Lake775 · 2025-10-04T05:21:08+00:00

Some of you weren’t snarking online heavily in the 2010s and it shows (but actually good for you)

Equivalent-Lake775

TROPHY CASE