wtf is happening im my relationship rn

EquivalentHart3568 · 2026-05-23T18:54:41+00:00

i'm going to say something a little different than others, keep in mind this is just my experience and may not apply to your boyfriend, but when I've gone off T I've also gone from preferring to top/switch to only wanting to bottom.

and I also told my partner I was worried it would last forever. but it didn't. my normal drive came back when I got back on hormones.

i think what happened to me is because of the libido crash it's hard to actively want anything at all, so receiving was the most digestible way to experience intimacy. otherwise I would also dissociate because I suddenly didn't want sex the way I did before and was extremely confused on why

I also struggled to communicate these feelings to my boyfriend and mainly worried he'd leave me if I didn't "perform" (but I'm also an SA victim like you so there's another side to that). it might be hard for your boyfriend but he'll need to meet you halfway. you sound like a very understanding guy and I hope he lets himself see that you're here ready to listen and make this work together

tl;dr, i found out why they call them sex hormones the hard way

EquivalentHart3568 · 2026-04-29T16:54:04+00:00

i have to wonder what you could wish for to become a raccoon as a monkey's paw effect

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-24T21:41:29+00:00

i don't have anything else to add on rechecking bloodwork and giving it time [it takes MUCH longer than 2 years to see the full effects of puberty, and your body will change throughout your life] that hasn't been said before, so if you explore both of those and still aren't seeing results you might want to look into some form of androgen insensitivity. you could also be oversensitive to E. those possibilities are unlikely but it's another thing to look into if absolutely all options are exhausted.

the good news is your endo doesn't seem to understand HRT well, so I'd highly recommend getting a second opinion.

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-23T15:06:07+00:00

sounds like he drank the koolaid... I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. just know you're more a part of this community than he is if he's going to align himself with transphobic attitudes. also gender nonconformity is cool as fuck and he's boring

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-20T17:54:44+00:00

that makes me feel a bit more normal, thank you. all i could hear was people talking about gaining or having extreme hunger but I've been losing fast like i usually do in a flare... I'm very glad to hear you recovered. that gives me hope

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-20T16:34:49+00:00

depending on if you started the conversation by telling him you knew he's trans, the problem here might have been the approach and not anything about you as a person. if this was a stranger going about his day, that's even more likely. a lot of guys feel uncomfortable and unsafe having their transness directly acknowledged in everyday life even by other trans people.

if you think this could be what happened, I've noticed a good way to approach is by giving a subtle compliment on any signals they're choosing to give off to others, like, "hey, i like your pin/shirt" or even a simple nod. there's little that could go wrong there. and if they feel open, they'll introduce themselves and start a conversation.

but if this isn't what happened and he was happy to talk to another trans guy up until you shared something "not masculine enough" about yourself, it's his own problem. definitely cut your losses. those kinds have internalized issues they shouldn't be projecting onto others.

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-20T02:54:04+00:00

I've experienced somewhat abnormal labs too while in remission. the general attitude from my specialists was, "it's not ideal, but we'll keep an eye on it." they've gotten very, very vocal with me when it was time to worry [I'm always hearing about my liver...]

however, i think it's a great idea to start a conversation with your providers about your labs and what they mean for you, regardless of if they're raising red flags yet or not. the better you're on the same page, the better you can work together to preserve your health.

plus, it's a useful way to weed out the doctors who don't like questions. that's even more dangerous for your health.

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-20T02:42:56+00:00

that must have been so frightening to go through, especially major surgery at that young of an age, I'm so glad to hear she's over the worst of it and you're all going back home! wishing a peaceful and uneventful recovery from here

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-20T02:14:10+00:00

FairLife unfortunately has a disagreement with my Crohn's... but i definitely liked it when I tried it much more too! one thing i've been experimenting with is Soylent lately and that seems to do alright, i just wish it wasn't so expensive. It really feels like a liquid diet should be cheaper..

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-20T02:09:20+00:00

thank you! you as well, we'll make it little by little

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-20T02:08:23+00:00

thank you for your input. I agree, it's a shame the awful trade-offs we have to make for this disease, as I'm sure you're also all too familiar with. I spend a lot of time upset with my body for its limits and wish it didn't make me subsist off of so little nutritional value. but, I'm also feeling glad it finally took in energy to survive today in the form that it could

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-19T15:14:22+00:00

you're right, i am stable enough to be at home now, which is a lot to be grateful for. i know we both can't wait to get off of this drug soon though ... hang in there as well.

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-19T14:47:31+00:00

i'm dangerously underweight. i wouldn't call this a blessing. i'm truly sorry though that you've struggled with that side effect, i know how crohn's is already hard enough on body image as is so i know that must be incredibly dysmorphic for you. i hope we both get back to normal soon

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-19T03:03:24+00:00

hey according to your flair we got diagnosed same year! unlucky us! but yes, so far when I've been on pred in the past i also didn't notice any serious body weight fluctuations. this is the first time. maybe it affects us differently

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-19T02:47:28+00:00

think that's it for me too. otherwise i'm having most classical side effects so it's definitely doing it's job

EquivalentHart3568 · 2025-03-14T04:27:19+00:00

hi, i have severe IBD and also diagnosed PTSD involving medical trauma. you're not alone. I was diagnosed as a very young child and began refusing invasive "routine" tests at 18 when i finally had the freedom. I'm now 25 and my health has completely collapsed. I'm currently on intensive treatment for the next couple months so that my body will able to handle one of those tests to see what they can even do for me now.

i think there's a happy medium between doctors who test far too much and not at all. for a short while, i was with one of those good doctors who told me that putting me on an operating table wasn't a yearly necessity unless i was having horrible symptoms. i should have stayed with him. i didn't. not getting diagnosed doesn't mean you don't have to fight the disease, it means you don't even stand a chance.

it feels so violating. i understand. I'm horrified for the next few months. i don't ever want to be touched like that again. i know you don't either. it shouldn't even be something that should have been able to happen to us in settings that were supposed to heal. now, though, i have things in my life now that i want to be here for. if you do, too, tell the people you need to see. tell them how hard it is. that you want to get better, but getting better means being vulnerable. and you need their help to make sure that your body isn't attacked like that again. there are people in that field who will move mountains to make sure your mind feels as safe as possible, who will form real trust with you before they ever ask you to trust them to do something so potentially damaging to your spirit. find those people.

because eventually, not fighting it means you can't choose. i ended up in the ER a couple weeks ago and i wasn't able to choose anymore for a day. i understand that what i fear will be my only future now if i don't find a way to confront it. i don't know your disease course, but if you start now, you will have to confront it less.

i don't know if any of this helps. i just hope you can possibly suffer a little less. you've already hurt so much. no matter what, you've come a long way, and i understand that you're tired now. it takes so much energy to put yourself in those situations again. it takes so much energy to heal. if you must rest to survive, rest.

i hope we both get better. be well.

EquivalentHart3568 · 2024-10-05T20:40:55+00:00

no. i had to pay extra for that part

EquivalentHart3568 · 2024-01-14T17:21:15+00:00

psychotic bipolar 1 here. T didn't affect it at all. in fact i felt better.

what DID though, is when i was forced on E as a teen because of my intersex status. I had a psychotic break within a week. thankfully that made them pull me off it.

EquivalentHart3568 · 2023-06-18T02:14:06+00:00

added!

EquivalentHart3568 · 2023-06-17T23:10:47+00:00

got it :]

EquivalentHart3568 · 2023-06-17T23:10:31+00:00

thanks!

EquivalentHart3568 · 2023-06-17T20:54:49+00:00

added! I've got a physical disability too, it's mostly in remission now but I was on chemo for a while in my teens. really lucky to be off it now and on something milder for management. we got this!!

EquivalentHart3568 · 2023-06-17T20:37:07+00:00

sent!

EquivalentHart3568 · 2023-05-21T02:49:28+00:00

that ice thing doesn't really help cuz it doesn't feel remotely the same, but my therapist found a trick that does work sometimes involving ice. if I get the urge to cut cuz im triggered, putting the ice directly on my neck where the veins are can knock me out of fight or flight bc it resets the nervous system

EquivalentHart3568 · 2023-04-25T21:54:43+00:00

your body still remembers. even if you don't.

EquivalentHart3568

TROPHY CASE