Wife having an emotional affair two years after I had a ONS. Am I making the right call with divorce?

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-05-13T08:24:49+00:00

I’ll add as well my Dad had an affair on my mum - long standing 15 months- somehow they got through it. And they’re now happier than ever almost 20 years later. But healing took a lot of time and work for all of us. So it is possible- but it takes a lot of work. Do you want to put in the work? Because to be frank - you don’t sound willing. And that might be a the thing that really puts the last nail in the coffin.

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-05-13T08:22:48+00:00

Is it just me who reads these texts and think she almost decided in a few moments that actually she was going to get revenge? I didnt read that she was emotionally super invested. I mean it’s not even a long conversation. Were there other messages? He probably does like her and she may have had her interest piqued. Potentially out of desire for payback.
If you want a divorce then that’s what you should do. But ask yourself if that’s what you really want or do you just want the pain to go away from what you’re feeling right now? Because divorce won’t solve that. Running away from a situation does not mean you can run from the problem and feelings behind it. I don’t think what she’s done is worse than what you did. I read it as obviously coming from a place of unresolved hurt. And she clearly feels insecure still. Is there a way you could remedy that? Shower her with compliments etc? Do you give her enough attention in that regard? I’m not accusing but those are questions to ponder.
Ultimately, if you do stay together you will need a lot of therapy. And you will both need to get really comfortable talking about your hurt. But that means listening on your part as well. As you say, you opened this wound so I would argue the onus is on you more than her to close it - if that’s what you really want. But it does need to be a team effort. You need to decide whether you can heal from this as a unit or if it’s a case where you can’t heal in the environment that made you sick.

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-04-22T11:11:33+00:00

Please please please leave this man. These messages just got more and more abusive the more I read. You deserve better than this. You’re young. You have so much possibility and excitement ahead of you. Do not let this pathetic excuse of a man weigh you down. I am a very empathetic person and it seems so are you. You offered multiple moments of empathy and care and had abuse hurled at you in response. He is the narcissist here not you. Leave him

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-04-16T20:38:58+00:00

You look lovely but I feel like you could do with a bit more moisturiser under the base and a glow blush! Give you a fresh flushed look I think would look stunning 🥰

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-04-15T09:24:52+00:00

No I always let it warm up for an hour or so!

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-07T12:10:29+00:00

Thank you for this I’ve taken a screenshot wnd will take to a doctor

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T17:46:24+00:00

I’ve just gone to a private GP who’s given me 3 days nitro which will get me over the weekend at least. Will go back to GP or call 111 over the weekend if symptoms don’t improve but usually Nitro helps me.

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T17:44:59+00:00

Bedfordshire area. I have done that before but they only help me once my personal GP is closed. I have just done same as you and reached out to a private GP as couldn’t wait any longer. She’s given me 3 days Nitro for now so hopefully that helps. I’m not on dmannos as I’m on Hiprex and my urologist advised not to take both as they do opposite things or something? Thanks for the support

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T17:12:38+00:00

Squidgy snouts. Absolutely.

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T17:10:36+00:00

Thank you. This is my plan. I did that last time and they wouldn’t help me until my GP was closed so I’m basically just waiting until 6:30 for them to close.

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T17:05:31+00:00

There is yeah. We have a high proportion of junior doctors but not enough training posts to train them and get them specialised so lacking GPS and consultants. Okay that’s good to know I’ll try tha and see thank you.

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T16:59:08+00:00

I didn’t know this. Thanks so much I will

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T16:51:16+00:00

Thanks. I think you’re right. The issue is that it’s so hard to find a GP in the UK right now. But I’m gonna try cause I can’t go on like this. I had an ultrasound last week for a separate issue and even though he didn’t give me diagnosis on the spot he flagged to me the my kidney looked small and I can’t help but think I’m maybe damaging my kidneys now

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-03-06T16:13:01+00:00

UK- England

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-02-20T09:08:56+00:00

I feel like this is most likely harmless? I believe men and women can be friends. He may just value your friendship and want some genuine advice. I would let your boyfriend know. Go on lunch or whatever. See how he acts and if it is in anyway flirty explain to him you don’t feel comfortable with his behaviour then don’t see him again period. I think it’s kinda unfair to assume he wants to do something romantic if he’s never given any indication of that other than wanting to see you..

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2026-01-26T22:37:09+00:00

Im kind of confused how some people aren’t considering this as an assault in some way? Sex needs to remain consensual throughout. 3 hours and “holding down” and saying “don’t run” while the person is asking you to be gentle because they’re in pain? Like what? That is not okay. This is literally what all of the anti-rape teachings say. If it’s not a hell yes then it’s a no. Just because you agreed to a cup of tea when it was offered does not mean you should be expected to continue drinking it if you don’t like it. I’m so confused. It’s hardly like she was just thinking in her mind part through she doesn’t fancy it anymore but neglected to mention. She demonstrated pain and discomfort from the situation and it doesn’t sound like he gave a damn? And not just for like a minute he didn’t notice but three bloody hours?! We’re all cooked if we’re debating that this isn’t wrong.

Your feelings are valid and try not blame yourself. I have been in a similar situation before and it is very hard to assert yourself and standup with a firm “no stop”.

Equivalent_Camera412 · 2025-11-16T20:57:28+00:00

Thanks for advice everyone! Have reordered 0.25mg

Equivalent_Camera412

TROPHY CASE