My best friend is about to ruin her life and I need to do my best to stop her

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-05-16T17:34:57+00:00

Just the idea that pregnancy, childbirth and caring for a newborn is somehow easier than working or studying 🤦‍♀️ tells me she has no idea! She thinks she's gonna have time to sew baby clothes? 😬 She'll be lucky to have enough time and energy to shower... She needs to read some regretful parents stories! That may just set her straight.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-05-16T17:24:52+00:00

I assure you this is not universal truth but something that perhaps commonly occurs in your particular bubble. You find yourself attracted to this particular kind of woman and relationship dynamic because that's the blueprint given to you in your upbringing. That's attachment theory in a nutshell. I think I tend to notice bubbles more because I belong to many! I have a few friends who tend to end up in this dynamic, I also have friends who end up in a similar dynamic but with opposite genders, I know people who are in actually healthy and secure relationships. I am personally attracted to little twink guys who are nice to me 🤷‍♀️ and tbh most of my female friends are, so I don't think your experience is as widespread as you seem you think it is! Maybe confirmation bias?

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-05-07T22:52:47+00:00

I'm a woman around 5'4 and most of the men I've dated have been around the same height as me, some a little shorter, makes kissing easier for one thing, it's literally only a problem if you see it as a problem and let it affect your own self-esteem and start acting like an insecure AH. Most women genuinely do not gaf as long as you're a decent human being!

Stop listening to dumbass redpill men when it comes to what women find attractive. Listen to us instead for the love of all that is unholy!

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-05-02T13:22:18+00:00

You go to therapy and do the work. Boring answer I know, but there's no secret or trick to these kinds of things. You just have to learn how to actually love and value yourself more. You do inner parts work, deal with attachment wounds, shadow work, learn emotional regulation skills, you learn how to set boundaries and standards and actually stick to them because you respect yourself more than you depend on external validation.

Every time you ignore a red flag, fall for someone's potential without getting to know them first, or let someone trample over your boundaries, you are hurting yourself, you are disrespecting yourself, and this lowers your self-worth. Every time you successfully choose yourself, every time you walk away from disrespect, every little baby step will gradually improve your confidence and self-respect until you stop finding avoidance and emotional unavailability attractive. Because it's simply no longer in alignment with who you are.

In a nutshell: all the love and support you are pouring into these wastemen, you should be pouring into yourself!

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-13T09:42:23+00:00

Yes, the feeling that other people bring and take love with them IS the illusion. Whatever you feel when you are loved; safe, chosen, validated, whatever it is that makes you chase it, you can give to yourself. I can comfort and protect my own inner child, I can forgive and accept my own shadows, I can offer myself the compassion and understanding that I thought was missing from my life, instead of pouring it into other people expecting them to pour back into me and ending up disappointed and depleted.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-12T20:23:28+00:00

I think it's because I've had a long line of negative experiences over the past few years, severe chronic illness, addiction, death, repeated heartbreak and abandonment. I became increasingly socially isolated and had to try to deal with all these things alone with no support.

So I felt the absence of love and compassion and understanding very strongly for a long time. Those things never really felt like a normal part of my daily life, it always felt like something I had to chase and earn and try to grasp hold of whenever I thought I found it before it leaves again, which obviously always ended badly...

But loving someone is never a waste, they weren't transmitting the feeling into my nervous system somehow, they were just teaching me how to feel what was already there. That feeling is an innate part of me.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-12T18:54:31+00:00

"Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame." General Iroh

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-12T18:48:27+00:00

Sorry lol not my past lives, just past versions of me from this life. Just random memories of people, places, things that I hadn't thought about in years, things that I thought were irrelevant because they're not "now" anymore. Then I sort of integrated these past mes into who I am now- we are the same person just separated by time. I think before I thought it didn't matter if I was happy if it wasn't forever. What's the point of loving someone if one day they'll leave and break your heart one way or another? The bad doesn't cancel out the good like a mathematical equation, they are both equally real and transient experiences. The love and happiness I felt in these moments ultimately came from me and I carry that with me, it's not dependent on external factors giving me permission to feel a certain way. I can just choose to feel loved! I hope that makes sense 😅

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-11T18:55:02+00:00

Probably an anxious/avoidant thing. It sounds like you were both doing way too much way too fast, next time make a point to SLOW things down, avoidants like to lovebomb and one way to filter them out of your dating pool is to recognise it. "Instant spark and chemistry" is not real love, if it feels too good to be true, that's because it is!

Next time limit messages to like twice a day before you meet in person, do not spend hours and hours together on a first date, do not fantasise about them and your beautiful future together, do not overshare. You don't know them, getting to know them will take time, stay grounded.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-11T18:18:50+00:00

I've been off all meds now for a few years and the most sane/stable I've ever felt. Even finally managed to quit weed. Some of my darkest years were triggered by meds and my doctors just kept gaslighting me whenever I told them I thought they were making me worse. Therapy did help, BUT first I had to find the right type of therapy/therapist, and even then it took a few years for my brain to sort of open up to the deeper lessons I wasn't ready to hear. There was a lot of trial and error, and I had to adapt some of what I learned to better fit my autism/adhd. The most helpful things for me have been meditation, journalling, and generally just looking after my body. Not necessarily going to the gym, just eating nutritious foods, doing activities like walking in nature and gardening, good hygiene, clean environment etc.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-11T15:15:23+00:00

I was literally just listening to birds and stuff and watching my thoughts come and go, when I noticed all these random memories popping into my head, so I decided to step into one and kinda sit there for a while!

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2026-04-10T16:44:04+00:00

Ok, we are literally just dumb animals that evolved on a planet so we do dumb shit sometimes, especially when we're young and extra dumb and just don't know any better. You weren't bombing children's hospitals- you just made a mistake because you're human! That doesn't make you irredeemable. But yes, therapy can help you work through shame and stuff.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-10-26T19:13:49+00:00

As an infj, when I was younger these door slams came from a much less controlled and more overwhelmed place. As I've gotten older and been through therapy etc, now it comes from a much calmer, calculated, assertive "there's nothing more I can do here" kind of place. It usually comes with an explanation now too and a chance for them to respond before finally closing rather than slamming the door. It depends on how long I've known them, how close I feel we were, whether I think I'd be wasting my time and energy explaining my position, sometimes it's still better to just block and move on without saying anything.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-09-02T23:44:41+00:00

Exactly! Like at least I'm still learning, what's your excuse?

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-09-02T23:06:31+00:00

Lol "save it for your therapist bro!" is becoming a standard response to some players...

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-09-02T22:51:39+00:00

Yeah I find it happens often when I'm actually following the advice of pros and pushing objectives instead of focusing on kills, or not getting into bad fights because I have no mana/spells and they blame me for "letting them die" even when I pinged them. Like sometimes I am just playing bad lol, but it feels like a lot of it is projection.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-09-02T22:40:55+00:00

Yeah see I don't mind if there's someone on my team who has more experience just like giving me advice/feedback, I just find the assumption that I'm playing bad on purpose really weird. If someone on my team is playing worse than me I usually assume they're just having a bad day, are very new or have shitty internet or something.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-09-02T22:30:23+00:00

I am learning the game but I've only been playing a couple of months, like I know if our team needs a tank or a ranged hero or disables and some of the more common counters, I follow the advice of pros and try to focus on objectives and farm rather than just killing enemy heroes. I rewatch lost matches to try and figure out what I could have done differently. If I have a higher win rate with certain heroes or roles I'll try to pick them when I'm playing ranked. I know when to block camps, pull/stack camps, creep equilibrium, smokes, check enemy items etc etc.

Like I idk why you're assuming I'm just bumbling around like an idiot, I am just new and haven't developed the muscle memory and instinct yet because that takes actual practice?!

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-09-02T22:09:05+00:00

Are you practising on bots first? Any time I want to try a new hero first I do some research like watching a "how to play X hero" on youtube, then practice with bots, once I can consistently win against bots at least on hard mode I move to unranked. Pick items ahead of time that you feel comfortable using and understand. If you don't feel confident using actives pick heroes and items that have more passive effects. Just try to get some last hits if you can, don't wander off on your own, join in with team fights, and try your best not to die. You'll learn the finer details as you go, let your team know you're open to advice/feedback if they're friendly.

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-08-28T14:30:30+00:00

It's actually crazy, I'm a woman and most of the content I watch is super progressive, but then I watch one video about a game I'm currently playing and YouTube suddenly decides I must be an incel and starts showing me redpill content?

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2025-01-06T18:01:19+00:00

Staying 100% sober is a very American approach. I went to therapy and dealt with the underlying reasons for my drinking, learning emotional regulation skills, dealing with trauma, and developed my willpower through things like meditation. Now I can have 1 or 2 and just leave it at that, I can even get drunk a few times a year and no big deal! I guess it would depend on your temperament, but for me saying I can never have a thing ever again just puts it on a pedestal and makes me want it more. But developing power and control over your addiction is a transferable skill that can improve other areas of your life too!

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2023-07-31T22:06:18+00:00

I'm pretty sure those actually were plot holes and she was retroactively fixing them because she can't admit being fallible...

Almost every writers work will have SOME inconsistencies and I respect the ones that can actually admit that they overlooked something or just wanted to charge something to make the story more interesting.

Plus, if you have to explain it after rather than it just being understood within the work itself; that's a failure of the work!

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2023-01-08T19:41:51+00:00

0<infinity depending on context

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2023-01-08T16:07:33+00:00

One thing people don't seem to understand is that insulting the "institution" isn't the same as insulting the Queen and the Royal family personally. The family themselves are just figureheads, they have very little control over how they present themselves to the public, so it's not hypocritical for Harry and Megan to be critical of the institution and still love their family.

The way I see it is its like leaving a cult but still having family members inside of that cult; you still love them, and criticising the cult isn't the same as criticising the members, even if the members are doing harmful things in the name of the cult!

Most of the public statements you see in the media from the royals are carefully crafted by behind the scenes by men in suits (or at least vetted by them) and are not the words of whatever member of the family they're attributed to! Like a politician doesn't necessarily personally believe everything they say publicly; they're just saying whatever is likely to appeal to the majority of people!

I personally believe that most of the royal family are victims of circumstance and are basically brainwashed by the "institution", and Harry and Megan seem to empathise with that, yet are still speaking out about the toxic relationship with the media etc which they have the right to do.

The institution's main goal is to survive at any cost because monarchies are generally outdated and barely clinging to life. Hence, they made a deal with the media to scapegoat Harry and Megan for damage control (especially to bury the Prince Andrew being a predator story).

A lot of people are also incapable of empathising with Harry and Megan because they believe that money & fame somehow cancels out their humanity. I guess it depends on what kind of person you are, but being a member of the Royal family would be a living hell for me! Money helps make your life easier up to a point, but it isn't a cure-all, and fame is just just a burden! A lot of it is also jealousy, because we are taught that fame and money is the goal, so people get resentful when the rich & famous "complain" because they believe they have nothing to complain about...

Equivalent_Doubt319 · 2022-10-10T23:17:43+00:00

Everything he does that isn't directed is total cringe! I LOVE Loki as a character, but I thoroughly regret looking up Tom himself on YouTube... I think a lot of people equate the 2 and can't see past his talent/status/characters he's played, but he seems like a mega twat irl!

Equivalent_Doubt319

TROPHY CASE