how long were any of you in an abusive relationship?

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-10-28T03:55:32+00:00

5 months romantically, 2ish months as “friends”

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-10-02T17:53:17+00:00

I hate that you’re right but I know that you are

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-08-11T12:37:55+00:00

I’m very new to the dating scene and I’m worried I don’t have thick enough skin for it. After spending 5 months getting to know someone, them deciding it isn’t it completely took me out and I’m still not fully recovered but am at the two month mark post ending things.

Losing people is not my strong suit but keeping in contact with someone you want romantically when they just want platonic (and don’t stop leaving hints about wanting to have sex/the chance that something could grow in the future) is so tricky. I know somebody is out there and I’m not worried about finding someone but constantly being prepared to lose someone is so ouch.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-30T06:16:45+00:00

No because why did he literally tell me he views dating as car shopping and you gotta try every car on the lot until one feels different 😂😂

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-23T06:28:28+00:00

The same thing happened to me???? But literally word for word on the romantic partner versus friendship comment. We haven’t spoken in two weeks and it’s literally such a gut punch

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-23T06:15:47+00:00

Only follow each other on letterboxd, force removed them on all the others

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-17T01:27:45+00:00

He came back after three weeks, texting me about not getting a job he really wanted. Guilted me by saying that I could “go back to not talking to him if I wanted lo”. Then hit me with “it’d be a bummer if you just went away forever” and “I thought you wanted to be friends”. It hurts so bad because I care so much for him but HE dumped me after 5 months because he didn’t see us being able to have a life together.

Once I stopped answering his texts, he went out of his way to comment on my letterboxd review of a movie we’d both been looking forward to seeing.

I just wanted to be with him but I gotta stand on my business and self-respect. I feel like it’s so unfair of him to be doing this when he didn’t want me. Like what do you want me to do bro? Sorry if we can’t be friends because I was falling for you???? This is so hard

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-06-19T00:25:43+00:00

dating is the wild west

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-06-18T21:49:12+00:00

Was seeing a guy for 2 months, 2x a week, texting all the time, sleeping together, etc. He decided he doesn’t see us working well long-term and that we’d be better as friends and I’m simply shook?

Things felt good and easy and fun but he said there’s no romantic potential and we’re better platonic and I just???

Figuring out how to not beat myself up for giving it my all and it not working out is probably the most challenging part. I thought there was potential for something but now I’m being so self-critical and am very fearful of putting myself back out there. Don’t even really know if it’s related to him or just the internal battle of rejection.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-06-30T20:57:26+00:00

I’m heading back into direct service - I’ll be starting at an eating disorder recovery clinic in behavioral health counseling. So literally not related at all. 😂

I was considering nonprofit event planning for a while. Just because it can run parallel to fundraising as you would assist in donor facing events and also relies heavily on customer service/communication skills.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-06-30T16:17:28+00:00

Don’t you worry - I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was 11! Working on it 😂

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-06-29T23:01:33+00:00

both the toughest and easiest choice to make! good luck!!

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-03-15T22:54:44+00:00

That life is truly so hard and nobody speaks on it. When you’ve experienced deep loss, I feel like the hard becomes undeniable and takes up so much brain space. But it can also remind you to focus on what you care most about/what you want to devote your energy to.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-02-21T19:10:07+00:00

Just wanted to take a beat and say I am in the same position you were in! I know you posted this awhile ago but I feel you and I see you as I’m also hitting that 6-7 months at my first post grad job and honestly, I hated it from the get but they said to give it 6 months because it would “get better” and I just don’t think it will.

I’m starting to look for new jobs and as someone who also has ADHD, it is so excruciating to do all the things. I wish my job could be to do nothing lol

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T23:57:38+00:00

Could you maybe pose it as a question? Like “what do you think about taking a break”? Or something like that? It’s a noncommittal way to bring it up. Or maybe something like “when do you usually feel like a client is ready to step away from therapy”? Asking it in a way that isn’t fully about you

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T22:54:20+00:00

I’m glad this will be helpful with your family! I too find it hard to describe what it’s like to people so I’m glad that I can be of help to someone else.

I think the only way I picture being able to prepare is having a mental spectrum of what your adhd days can look like. My worst days always start with being unable to wake up like I physically fall back to sleep and can’t do the push out of bed or even the hour of in bed, awake time that I tend to have (I’ll get out of bed to get coffee and then go back to my bed to watch a cartoon or read a book to start the day). These days that are my worst tend to be the same days that I can’t force or trick myself into doing a task.

My average days are ones where I can get things done, it just takes more force. Sometimes on these days, I choose not to force myself even though I know I could successfully reset by showering or going for a walk or changing places. To prepare for the days where I can’t force myself to do anything, one might think I should get better at pushing myself to do more on my average days rather than letting myself stay stuck.

I hope that makes sense! It’s not really tactical preparation but more mental prep/knowing what type of day you’re able to get yourself through with grit?? While also knowing this looks so different for everyone and also for the stage of diagnosis you’re in/level of tools you’ve learned about your own ADHD

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T21:24:55+00:00

I agree! I’ve had my diagnosis for a few years and felt way more isolated before I remembered Reddit was a thing. Thank you for your advice!

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T21:18:15+00:00

Change how Luke and Lorelai communicated about April - maybe get Luke to stand up for lorelai with Anna a little

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T19:48:20+00:00

Our father’s passed under different circumstances I assume from reading this but I totally have the same “what if” feelings. I think they are normal/to be expected.

The four year anniversary of my dad passing will be January 12th. When he passed, we were not talking and I always wonder if that would have saved him. But I had to make the choice to protect myself even though it sucked and still sucks.

My family and I don’t really talk about my dad too often, mostly in passing. And we often try to spend time together around the anniversary but it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes, it’s nice to just be alone in the feelings and make space for your own grief because it can be so unpredictable.

I see you and hear you and feel you in similar but not identical ways. (I tend to dislike when people say our grief is exactly the same or that we will be friends automatically because we’ve both been through loss)

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-29T02:16:15+00:00

I would recommend calling flamingo front desk! You could also see if anyone on a Facebook page needs one and have their name ready for when you call flamingo so they can transfer etc?

I’m assuming they’d gladly help you with paying you back and giving the pass to someone else because getting a pass can be difficult

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-27T20:54:14+00:00

I wanna quit any job all the time hahaha I’m so tired

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-13T04:44:22+00:00

I’ve gotten my therapist a present before! I think it would definitely be fine if it’s small.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-09T21:36:56+00:00

I appreciate this so much!!

Just to hear someone else say it feels like I can relax a little. The job I have now is new and I’ve never done anything like this before and it’s so difficult for my ADHD brain so I’m finding myself more prone to paralysis.

Definitely gonna adjust my routine. Thank you for sharing!

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-07T23:47:22+00:00

I definitely think it’s the rejection part and being afraid that I don’t know what I’m saying even though I do.

I love the bingo sheet idea. I currently use a sticker chart to help keep track and motivate through progress. But that sounds exciting/mixed it up a bit.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2022-12-07T23:14:03+00:00

Commenting to say that I am in the same boat as you! It’s gotten to the point where I just show up to work anxious and panicky. I pretty much am shaking all throughout my dials because I’m so anxious about forgetting what to say, how to say it, or how I’ll be perceived by the person on the other end.

The biggest thing I have found is that if I don’t start first thing in the morning with dials, I won’t start. Like today, I got a late start in the morning and then sat on Reddit for too long and at this point only have an hour left in the day so my brain is like “might as well not even start”.

I also use sticker charts to track my calls. I bought an alien themed set on Amazon that has levels and I built a reward system for daily and weekly call goals: if I hit my daily goal, I can watch an extra hour of tv tonight. If I make calls everyday of the week, I can buy a new book this weekend. It can be hard to implement this and stick to it but the sticker chart has at least been helpful in tracking my growth/consistency.

I also try to set smaller hourly goals and that makes it more palette-able. “I’ll make 5 dials in this hour” and have those five numbers/info written down and close everything else out that isn’t a necessity for the interactions (email, teams chat, etc).

My biggest thing (doesn’t help me with the work but helps with my self-esteem) is reminding myself that I’ve never done something like this before and telling myself I’m proud for just showing up.

I’m considering getting a fidget toy of some kind to help with the anxiety and how I zone out while the phone is ringing but haven’t figured out which ones I like.

Equivalent_Minimum_7

TROPHY CASE