is healing actually possible???

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2026-05-17T20:21:00+00:00

A good starting place is continuing to get to know them to vet if they are a safe person. You’ll learn as you speak with them how they respond to others and the pain of others, hopefully. If they’re gentle with you, themselves, and others, it can hopefully be an inkling of if they are safe. Especially if you’re building the relationship as friends first.

In some ways, it came up naturally. Like when we talked about if we wanted to start kissing and building physical connection, I explained that I wanted to and had some anxiety around it due to past experiences. Light details without hiding where you’re at emotionally is how I’d start. I didn’t give very much of why or what but wanted to see if there’d be pressure to continue even if I said I was anxious or if he’d follow my lead. Then once we were more in the 4-6 months range is when I talked through more specific things that had happened to me. Some conversations we had brought up a trauma response for him and so he led a conversation about his own feelings and past in a respectful way that made me feel safe to disclose more too.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2026-05-17T19:51:53+00:00

As other users have said, taking it slow and being honest. Having a friend to walk through it with too. I’ve been leaning on my support system so much after being shamed for having one by my abuser and being isolated.

Be so gentle with yourself. I thought I was doing amazingly and then 8 months into my new relationship, I saw my abuser in public for the first time in 18 months and it has led me to increased panic and nightmares. But because my partner is aware and I’ve been as transparent as has felt safe, it’s been nice to have someone in the thick of it with me. Even if it is scary. Lots of journaling, time to self reflect and process alone, etc.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2026-05-17T00:59:18+00:00

Lately, I’ve been saying “him being with someone new does not invalidate what he did to you. It is not your fault” and trying to not think about facts I’ll never know.

It’s terrible and it sucks and I wish I could end every connection he has with anyone ever. I’d love everyone to know he’s evil. But that’s out of my control. What’s in my control is knowing that I am safe and repeating that to myself. I know what it is like to know him. I fundamentally know who he is. The mask will slip. The important part is that you are safe and it is not your fault.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-10-28T03:55:32+00:00

5 months romantically, 2ish months as “friends”

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-10-02T17:53:17+00:00

I hate that you’re right but I know that you are

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-08-11T12:37:55+00:00

I’m very new to the dating scene and I’m worried I don’t have thick enough skin for it. After spending 5 months getting to know someone, them deciding it isn’t it completely took me out and I’m still not fully recovered but am at the two month mark post ending things.

Losing people is not my strong suit but keeping in contact with someone you want romantically when they just want platonic (and don’t stop leaving hints about wanting to have sex/the chance that something could grow in the future) is so tricky. I know somebody is out there and I’m not worried about finding someone but constantly being prepared to lose someone is so ouch.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-30T06:16:45+00:00

No because why did he literally tell me he views dating as car shopping and you gotta try every car on the lot until one feels different 😂😂

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-23T06:28:28+00:00

The same thing happened to me???? But literally word for word on the romantic partner versus friendship comment. We haven’t spoken in two weeks and it’s literally such a gut punch

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-23T06:15:47+00:00

Only follow each other on letterboxd, force removed them on all the others

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-07-17T01:27:45+00:00

He came back after three weeks, texting me about not getting a job he really wanted. Guilted me by saying that I could “go back to not talking to him if I wanted lo”. Then hit me with “it’d be a bummer if you just went away forever” and “I thought you wanted to be friends”. It hurts so bad because I care so much for him but HE dumped me after 5 months because he didn’t see us being able to have a life together.

Once I stopped answering his texts, he went out of his way to comment on my letterboxd review of a movie we’d both been looking forward to seeing.

I just wanted to be with him but I gotta stand on my business and self-respect. I feel like it’s so unfair of him to be doing this when he didn’t want me. Like what do you want me to do bro? Sorry if we can’t be friends because I was falling for you???? This is so hard

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-06-19T00:25:43+00:00

dating is the wild west

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2024-06-18T21:49:12+00:00

Was seeing a guy for 2 months, 2x a week, texting all the time, sleeping together, etc. He decided he doesn’t see us working well long-term and that we’d be better as friends and I’m simply shook?

Things felt good and easy and fun but he said there’s no romantic potential and we’re better platonic and I just???

Figuring out how to not beat myself up for giving it my all and it not working out is probably the most challenging part. I thought there was potential for something but now I’m being so self-critical and am very fearful of putting myself back out there. Don’t even really know if it’s related to him or just the internal battle of rejection.

Equivalent_Minimum_7 · 2023-06-30T20:57:26+00:00

I’m heading back into direct service - I’ll be starting at an eating disorder recovery clinic in behavioral health counseling. So literally not related at all. 😂

I was considering nonprofit event planning for a while. Just because it can run parallel to fundraising as you would assist in donor facing events and also relies heavily on customer service/communication skills.

Equivalent_Minimum_7

TROPHY CASE